School mums

[schoolmums]

My daughter has been at the same school since nursery.

No idea why but all the school mums just blank me.

They say hi if they are on there own but if there is more than one of them then I get ignored.

It makes me feel shit.

I'd never leave anyone out.

If I try to talk to them it feels awkward like they can't be arsed.

Kids parties my daughter gets invited to, they mostly sit in a group without me.
It's horrible and I feel awkward as fuck.
I end up sitting on my own for the whole
Time.

I know this shouldn't bother me but it's shit seeing them all being matey and just blanking me.

They blank me too!

I get blanked too. Daughter in P4 now so am starting to care less tbh. I say "hi" and smile, they v rarely engage in conversation. Most of them have known each other since the kids were in nursery. My daughter goes to breakfast club and after school club so I don't see them that often. Their loss OP 😊

They blank me too.

And me

I don't know what it can be either.

I used to do pick ups on flip flops and jeans as i work from home, but also about 30% of the time on a suit as I was in the office that day, so can't be the way I dress.

I just think it's mean. I'd never leave anyone standing left out.

But your right.

Fuck em.

I get blanked aswell and none of mine have ever been invited to parties so at least yours is that’s something I suppose

School mum cliques are awful in my experience. It’s not you it’s them. If your face fits your in if not your out. I was always on the outside too it’s their loss.
I don’t know whether it’s because I was an older mum, who didn’t have the prerequisite long straight hair, wasn’t a size 8-12 yummy mummy or because I worked part time so the SAHM’s looked down their noses at me as did the FT working mums. Fortunately this phrase only lasts as long as primary school then you have little contact with other parents.

Can you say Hi first? I’ve found that sometimes people just need an opener. Maybe prep a random conversation “hi.....what class is your child in?...mines in Blue class and he really likes the teacher.....”

Same here. I've learnt not to give a fuck now (yr 2 and nursery mum). There's one mum I do talk too, but the others blank her for being young and poor. Judgemental cows for the majority. I talk to a couple of others that also can't be arsed with the herd like mentality.

I'm glad I'm not the only
One being blanked (not that I want people
To be blanked but it's nice to know it's not just me)

Me too OP. It’s horrible actually, I really dread the school run.
Are you a good bit younger than them? They might think they can’t relate to you? I think that’s what it is with me, and they’re all pretty well off and married and I’m neither

I am also the outsider of the school mums but to be honest I actually prefer it that way. I love being able to turn up to birthday parties and read my book in peace whilst I wait. Also hate small talk so happy standing alone in the playground

I have said hi, they've seen me there for the last three years.

When I say hi it's like they shut it down and turn away itswim

That's not nice.

Is there anyone else not in the main group you can gang up with? At parties where I feel excluded I look for another parent on the outskirts and ask if I can sit with them, and try to make friends. It's generally well recieved. Obviously I look for people who seem a bit awkward, not people trying to get on with work or whatever!

Sounds really cliquey. It’s similar where I live, it’s a small village most have close friends etc and it gets a bit like that.

Saying that the parents in my sons year are wonderful and lovely, they all seem nice and it really shows with the children. It’s a fab year group. The parents in DD’s year group are awful, bitchy and very cliquey and I often feel like an outsider.

Hated the pick up since DD started reception last week. Until July I just had to collect DS from the junior playground with all the mums I know and like. Now DD has started I have to do pick up again from the infant side and it’s bleddy awful.

Just ignore, they are obviously very insecure. I rarely ever did school pick ups, so wasn't part of it, but I did notice it at parties. But there are usually other more decent Mums about to talk to. It amused me once, standing outside year 6 leaving disco and a Mum was rattling on and on to me about how all the boys will miss each other etc...as they'd been in same class since nursery and how all the Mums will keep in touch on Watts App, making out she was the centre of it all and they were all one happy family etc... and she asked who I was. My son was in same form as hers and she'd never heard of him!!! I'd never heard of the watts app group either.

I'm 40. So prob same age as a lot of them.

Good idea about the book. I think I will start to take an actual book to kids parties rather than reading off my kindle app.

However being engrossed in my phone, they don't make any effort to be friendly when I'm on my phone or not.

Fuck em, You are all right.

My other tip for chatting with unfriendly school mum's is to follow up saying hi with a question or a compliment. So if you've seen their dc at sports day tell them how nicely you saw them encouraging the younger kids, or whatever. Or ask where they had a new hair cut. Something like that.

Yeah they have a WhatsApp group aswell. There is one mum I talk to but she's only there 25% of the time and she said about a WhatsApp group.

Headphones and podcasts or music are your friend , I’ve never really fitted on with the school mum group but I figured they maybe only make friends when they are in those sort of positions and make the effort to socialise as that’s maybe all the friends they have . I’d eather make effort with my actual friends .

Rather

I hear you. I’m in Y3 now and DGAF, but Y1 was particularly awful. It all started out friendly and cordial in reception but two queen bees made their move for top dog and a popular group quickly assembled. There was literally a divide between the two groups waiting outside the class each afternoon.

You’ll get people posting to say that cliques don’t exist, it’s just a group of friends who don’t happen to accept new entrants, or it’s all in your head, or it’s YOUR fault because you haven’t done enough to ingratiate yourself, it’s your fault for caring in the first place... yadda But until you’ve seen it with your own eyes it’s hard to imagine such pettiness.

After three years of this I don't want to be friends with them.

However I have made a point of being friendly and saying Hi etc.

They just don't like me for whatever reason.

I just feel sad about it.

I hate all the school gate mum crap. It's competitive, bitchy, over anxious parents a lot of the time. I worked my arse off to be accepted by them but now I have learnt there's real power in blanking people who genuinely aren't worth the effort.

Kill with kindness..... say hi and then follow it up... maybe something direct to one of them... pay a compliment etc

I'm usually the one who is left out but my DD isn't at school yet so haven't had this particular challenge. But I'm aware I have a resting bitch face and naturally Look miserable when I'm not.... not saying this is the same for you.... but people tend to avoid me as I look aloof or uninterested. So I do have to push that much harder to be "accepted" .... it shouldn't be this way, but it is.
If you want to be included and accepted into the group, then you have to push yourself to be the bigger person.
Pick one of the group - walk past say morning, oh love your bag/shoes/hat

Next day, morning, how are you?

Etc etc

Be consistent and you will crack the wall.... if you don't, they genuinely are all bitches and you don't need that in your life!