School mums

[schoolmums]

My daughter has been at the same school since nursery.

No idea why but all the school mums just blank me.

They say hi if they are on there own but if there is more than one of them then I get ignored.

It makes me feel shit.

I'd never leave anyone out.

If I try to talk to them it feels awkward like they can't be arsed.

Kids parties my daughter gets invited to, they mostly sit in a group without me.
It's horrible and I feel awkward as fuck.
I end up sitting on my own for the whole
Time.

I know this shouldn't bother me but it's shit seeing them all being matey and just blanking me.

I'm the type of person that would talk to anyone if they smiled at me or said hi etc. I'd never see anyone left out or on their own.

I wouldn't grab someone and make them be included but if someone was on their own I'd say hi at least.

I just feel with these mums they like me being on my own. Maybe I'm taking it all too personally.

Honestly my top tip is fuck em too. After many years of the school playground this year my plan is to smile & nod or say hi to anyone we pass, drop & go. I take my phone for pick up listen to a podcast or spotify while I'm waiting for my kids. Dont get sucked into it. You are only there for a few years and then your kids go to secondary school. I will be polite, i will help out every so often but thats my limit. I dont want to make friends or be involved in any playground politics.

Do dont need to be friends with them. Just do your own thing. If they are like that, their kids will be the same and you probably wouldn't want your child to mingle with them.

I say this as a chronic over thinker myself, but do you think you could be over thinking it?!

I tend to focus on just picking the kids up. If someone has been friendly with me, I’ll chat, but otherwise I just want to get the kids and get the fuck out of there. I tend to find the cliquey mums are the ones with too much time on their hands, but I have over time made friends with some good ones.

so either I've been really lucky so far with a lovely group of school mums.....or.......I am one of the bad ones who is 'mean girling' some other mums without realising it?!

Hopefully the former

OP it was exactly the same for me don't take it to heart, easier said then done I know. I now have both DC at secondary school and it's total bliss. They sort out their own arrangements. Looking back am sure that those school runs totally contributed to the decline in mental health at the time.

I will just carry on as I am I think.

You are all right.

My job is doing presentations to people. They'd all piss themselves laughing if they thought this bothered me!

Buy some headphones and ignore the school mafia .

Get your headphones on and get a grip

I have my first child starting primary school and I hope they DO blank me! :)

I'm 46, I have 3 children aged 4, 2 and 6 months so I'm going to be a curious creature at the school gate anyway. I'm very lucky in that I don't look my age but I'm proud of my age so I don't lie about it either.

But at 46, with 25 years spent working full time in a demanding career that I love and managing a team so I know how difficult/bitchy/gossipy people can be, I couldn't give a flying fuck what a bunch of mums at the school gate think of me and I care even less about their gossip.

There is nothing stranger than school mums. I always drop and run at the gates but if it’s kids parties I always try to talk to someone who is on their own. You don’t need the hassle of people like that in your life.

Betty no I don't think you were mean girls it.

Be consistent and you will crack the wall.
Didn't work for me. I tried this for about a year.
It's tough when your face doesn't fit...

I don't think I'm over thinking it.

I really don't.

In three years.

It's crap to be honest.

At the end of the day all that matters is if your kid is happy at the school, sod the rest. Drop off/pick up and run

It can go two ways. There was a mum who used to say hello and be really chatty with us in nursery. Then one by one in our little group we noticed that she stopped saying hello and "blanked" us. It was so bizarre. She'd only say hello if her husband/partner was with her...?? Either way I stopped saying hello to her entirely after I noticed that. I say morning to everyone I make eye contact with as its just polite though.

Me too.....it gets worse if your child is SEN. You get a slow look up and down as well as being ignored. My son has just started a special school where he will go there and back by taxi. So I have officially been released from the tyranny of the school gates. My thoughts are with you OP.

One advantage of your child being SEN is no sitting on my own at parties as we don't get invited. We spend our weekends how we like and don't have to buy loads of presents. Parties would be lovely, but am trying to think positively about my situation these days instead of mourning what wasn't to be.....school mum friends and lots of fun at parties for my son a re both off the menu for me!

I wonder how many parents are part of that clique... aren’t there others who are also “outsiders”? If so, could you not try to connect with them?

My child has recently started a local authority nursery. Oh my goodness, the school mum clique is real. I can't believe it, but I am genuinely blanked or looked at like I have three heads when I say hello in the passing after dropping our children off.

What is that all about?

Haters gon' hate!

I don't get ignored but I'm definitely not in the clique. To be in the clique you should be over 40, either you OR your husband must have a respectable profession, doctor, dentist, lawyer etc. My eldest went to a different school and I'd maybe know one or two people to speak to out of hundreds who turned up in the playground. There wasn't a clique there at all. Unless you count the orange smoking mums with pink prams and I didn't want to be in that one.

They can't all be arseholes OP!! Is there not one earth mother friendly type? Also you can't be the only outsider... There must be at least a couple of others.

I find parties much much harder. Once I felt so awkward I snuck off to Morrisons because I couldn't bear it.

Well after reading all the replies l am going to be a bit harder in my resolve.

Fuck em. I've been friendly. Now I will be nod and say hi and not worry about it.

Aww its awful isnt it OP? I get it too,thing is on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being bothered they all rank a 1...what I do dislike is they do it to the kids too...Mums in a clique and they make their kids be in a clique too...its sad that they all follow like sheep..I go in drop mine off and come home same at pick up ..they dont want to talk and interact with me thats fine! They are so shallow. You might find like I did that they are the first to come to you if they want something and be all nicey nice but its too little too late for me ,,they can all do one! Year 3 mum here and happy to paddle my own canoe...I dont need a team!!!

I don't get it. I have 4 kids, including twins which means I now know a lot of people at my DC's school. When I only had one child at school who was in the lower years I didn't know many of the parents at all and many times stood by myself and felt self conscious but I didn't think that everyone disliked me or blanked me, we just didn't know each other.

After years and years on the school run and playdates, parties, siblings, after school activities etc its very different but equally I now rush in at the last minute, say hi to anyone I recognise who's looking my way, chat to anyone I know on the way out but generally don't notice much else of what anyone else is doing. I'm not blanking or ignoring, just getting on with stuff, like everyone else was when I was standing alone.

One thing I will say is that I'm 99% sure they are not even thinking about you in a bad light, or otherwise, people are generally consumed with their ego and how they are portraying themselves to others.

Do you start conversations with them or just wait for them to start them with you? I go down to the school and talk to whoever is standing beside me whether I've seen them before or not. Can't get left out if you are always up for a chat.

Honestly dont care you in my see them for a few minutes