To expect a thank you at least?

[LampLighterInn]

'Morning all,

This is bugging me somewhat and I'd appreciate your thoughts.

I recently looked after my friend's cat for 2 weeks whilst they were away. I also looked after her when friend was away earlier in the year, in fact I've often been asked and have always said 'yes'.

I look after her pretty well, I pop up to friend's house twice, often 3 times a day (if she doesn't appear) and I sit with her for 30 mins whilst she eats, walks away, comes back, eats and we usually have a play and a cuddle, she's a sweet cat. I wash up her bowls so that they are clean when friend returns home.

The bit that has got me is that friend never thanks me, not a text, or a face to face, even after she's returned home and we've met up. I asked how Cat is when we met and friend replies that 'Cat' is really good but never says: "Thank you for looking after her for me" it might sound trivial but I feel taken for granted, especially as she doesn't return the favour when I'm away.

I have another friend look after my pets, she does it beautifully and to recognise this I buy her a thank you card and a gift, she's doing me a huge favour and looking after my pets is an effort for her and takes time out of her day.
This friend is not a friend of 'Cat's' owner.

When I met up with the first friend after her holiday, she was carrying a gift bag but didn't mention it, so when we said goodbye I referred to it and it was a gift for someone else!

So I'm feeling....well, upset to be honest.

This isn't an isolated incident, there's been a number of things in the past that have happened.

AIBU to expect a 'thank you'? Or is this just how things are these days?

How rude and ungrateful, I'd probably have said something to her like

You - How is Cat?
CFriend - Good
You - Oh, you're welcome btw

I have a neighbour who asked me to look after her indoor cat IN MY HOUSE for three weeks while she went away for Xmas. She was then upset when she found out that the cat slept down stairs and not in my bed like it does at her house. We don't have any animals as I don't like them in the house and had to be careful with the litter tray because I was pregnant. My 5 year old thought it was great because he got a caramel bar from her. Somehow I didn't think a caramel bar was a fair exchange for the favour we did for her.
After this I just kept making excuses about meeting up and avoided her as much as possible. She finally got the message after about 3 months. She hasn't asked again!

Friend is ungrateful rude entitled and cheeky as fuck.
Why is she not looking after your cat when you are away?
What big favours is she doing for you?

Don't let people treat you like this OP as it's bad for your mental health.

You sound like a really super cat sitter btw.

Good grief!! Her manners are utterly appalling! A ‘thank you so much for looking after my cat’ is the barest of bare minimums that should be expected in this case, as pp’s can attest with their lovely friends with bottles of wine, chocolates, payment etc. You are saving her a lot of money in boarding fees after all.

She is a horrible user. In light of this do you really want her ‘friendship’? Next time she asks, I would be inclined to say “well, since you have never once even said thank you I dont think I am willing to do you anymore favours”.

She's languishing in an absence of self-awareness, as so many people are these days. I would struggle to deal with a friend who would be so presumptuous.

I was borrowing a lovely dog for a while (Borrow My Dog) and I offered to look after him for a week while they went away. His owners, complete strangers, never thanked me (I even dropped him off at their house just before they returned from the airport). Really shocking stuff.

A ‘thank you so much for looking after my cat’ is the barest of bare minimums that should be expected in this case, as pp’s can attest with their lovely friends with bottles of wine, chocolates, payment etc.

This, 100%.

Our old cleaner looks after our dog and refuses payment so I am normally consumed with trying to find an appropriate gift for her in the final days of holiday.

You mention being available, but nope, you're busy, and can't do it next time. You don't have to explain what you're doing, but I consider watching Netflix and snaffling Maltesers as being busy. She's a user, and you don't have to let her take advantage of you.

Ffs, Ive only had to ask twice in decades for someone to look after cats.

Both got huge thanks and gifts, altho all they had to do was feed , check water and leave.

Both times were emergency back up just for a few days, and catterry full. But I was so grateful.

I like mildthings approach.

Refuse to do it again. She's taking the piss. If a friend sits our cat (which usually means coming once a day), we try to pay them, if they refuse they get a gift (bottle of wine, nice chocs etc, depending on how long). When DB cat sits and stays over, we pay his travel expenses, encourage him to raid the drinks cabinet etc, and leave some nice chocs.

How rude! You're being extremely kind by visiting her cat up 3 times a day. I'd be so grateful. I'm the kind of person who says thank you a little more than is necessary so I just can't understand someone not saying thank you at all!

We all have incredibly stressful, working busy lives that are filled to the brim as it is...... to look after someone elses pet is not easy!! My parents are in Turkey and their neighbour has their dog for 3 weeks - they get £100 a week and a present and a huge Thank you "anything we can do for you just ask" etc etc....

No one has looked after mine (she's just a puppy atm) but if they ever did I'd buy a gift card, wine and probably go OTT with the "Thank you so much I'm so grateful" bla bla bla.... because I would mean it!

There's no way I'd do it again for her until she learned some manners.

I was sub-contracted by a neighbour to look after another neighbour's cat for 4 days because the neighbour who was supposed to be looking after it for part of the holidays couldn't. For that I was given a bottle of wine and some chocolates. Which I thought was slightly generous, to be honest. So, adding to the chorus that you're being used! I'd also reiterate that starting a small cat-feeding business could be a good idea. Friendly and reliable cat-sitters are always in demand!

She is v rude! my friends look after my cats when we go away and i always make sure to leave a gift for them ready for when they first come round, usually wine and chocs

That is ridiculous. How dare she be so rude and ungrateful. When I do it for two of my neighbours and when they reciprocate, we all bring/buy proper gifts - such as decent wine, Duty Free nice chocolates, crackers, cheeses etc etc. How mean this person is. I suggest you do not help her out again.

You’ve saved her at least 100 pounds, she should get you a bottle of champagne and flowers at least. You sound a lovely cat lady.

I look after people’s pets for a living, so my clients obviously pay me. BUT, they also thank me and sing my praises, plus loads of them bring me back wine, vodka, gifts for my youngest. None of this is expected by me, but my clients are lovely people. Your friend, on the other hand, is a cheeky fucker.

If you enjoy doing it and are able, I would definitely set up a small business. Check on the internet and you’ll discover the charges for such such a thing, in your local area. Don’t be tempted to undercut other sitters, as it will make you look unprofessional if you’re too cheap and you’ll end up with people taking the piss. It’s a lovely job. Imagine getting paid to cuddle animals. Bliss. 🥰 I’ll ignore the poop and sick, for now. 😁

Cattery prices for the decent one near me £10 a day.

£140 you saved her and not even a flipping acknowledgement.

Don't be upset though, don't give her another thought. The cat was probably confused and missing his/her owner and you did a lovely thing caring for them, so just think of it as doing it for the cat.

OP, I only take on clients that book two visits a day, because if I don’t see the cat for 24 hrs, they could be ill and deteriorate quickly. If she was a client of mine, I would do an evening visit on the first day, twice a day after that and a morning visit on the final day. She would have been charged the princely sum of £195. I’m in NI and from what I see, I’m not the most expensive.

This cat sounds like the reward

I look after my friends cat. Little bugger just hides every time I go there and won't play

I can't remember them thanking me for it, they know I like the cat and probably think it plays with me when I go cos it normally does when they're there

That's really sad for you OP, and as a fellow animal lover I get your hurt and probably your unwillingness to say NO next time....because you like the cat, right? However, I think next time....I'd straighten up a bit and come out with it "look, I'm quite snowed at the moment and I didn't expect anything in return last time, but a word of thanks that never came....probably best you find a cat sitter this time round"
The neighbour's using your affection towards the animal to use your services I'm sorry to say, that's not nice.

I had a 'friend' like this who had a small dog that I used to look after for her whilst she and her family went away. I was genuinely happy to as it was a sweet little thing and got on OK with our two labs. Friend always used to say 'just leave the dog at my house and check on her she will be fine on her own" knowing full well that I wouldn't dream of leaving an animal on it's own 24/7!

This went on for 3-4 years then she started taking the piss by dropping it off last minute eg 6.30 on a Saturday morning without even asking us to look after it. Best time was one February - she went skiing and we had a lot of snow and temps of minus 14. Not only was I looking after her dog but also her horse - on a yard with no lights and no running water. Twice a day!! As well as running my house and working full time. Can't believe I was such a faithful friend that I just did it. She did bring me a thank you present back from that trip - three small tins of pate prettily wrapped in cellophane and a pink ribbon.

Year after that we started saying no we couldn't look after the dog as it was upsetting our now elderly cat. 'Friend' saw this as an insult and after the third time of us saying no, came round to my house and had a full on rant at me, effing and blinding then insulted my kids. Haven't spoken to her since.

Some people take friends' generosity for granted. I once moved into my friend's house to take care of their two dogs and four cats (!!) while they were away for two weeks, which was no easy undertaking. It's not just a case of feeing, as the dogs obviously had to be walked and bathed, and I had to clean the whole house twice after they came home muddy and ran round almost every sodding room.

When they got home, I said I would get off to let them unpack and settle, and they just said okay we'll arrange to go out soon. Not a single "thank you" or anything, considering I had spent two weeks of my life in their own house, cleaning up their mess.

I did it one other time as they had to travel to go to a funeral, but I haven't done it again for holidays.

I'm in Surrey & pay £25min/day for 2 x 30min visits, medication & playtime - usually a few photos. My cat's a bit neurotic plus needs meds so it's easier to use a professional service (former veterinary nurse).
I'd love it if my friends weren't terrified of my cat & would offer to look after her... I'd pay them danger money!
Your friend is bloody ungrateful & taking the proverbial! I can't believe that anyone could be so rude!

Friend is extremely rude. In fact, from the sounds of it, 'Friend' is not a friend at all, she's one of life's users.

I pay £16 a day for the service you've been providing to your 'friend' for not so much as the oxygen and two seconds it takes to say 'thank you'.