To object to being told what to drink / is this mansplaining?

[Wavescrashingonthebeach]

Im actually laughing at the utterly ridiculousness of this. So im currently speaking to a guy who i briefly dated over the last few months. We are very different people but we do like each other and seem inexplicably drawn to each other.
Anyway, we have been rehashing why it didnt work and i told him i didnt like how he always told me what to do. He said he only told me to not swear as he doesnt like swearing fuck off. I said he told me what to do all the time.
Example: en route to a meal on a hot day, i said 'Ooo i fancy a nice refreshing glass of soda water'. His response is 'What's wrong with tap water'. Im a bit like and he kind of pushed it a bit going on for my to get tap water.
He is saying he only said that because 'I thought you were trying to be healthy'. But soda water IS healthy?! It is literally just carbonated water. No calories, sugar, sweeteners, nada!!! Just a nice refreshing drink! Half the time it doesnt even cost anything because places have it on tap.
Sorry i digress. Anyway, conversation goes along the lines of:
Me: "How is soda water not healthy?!"
Him: "Dont know what it is. All i know is tap water is good".
So he doesn't even know what it is but still felt the need to tell me to get something different! Am i not an intelligent enough woman to be able to pick my own soft drink?!
We're having the most ridiculous debate and he cannot seem to grasp the concept that it's rather patronizing & draining when someone feels the need to challenge your every choice. Like ive got to my 30's without being able to make a decision on what soft drink to order .
He is saying ive made a massive deal out of it he doesnt care what i drink. Well why tell me to do something else then?
Thats like going oh you support Tottenham do you, how about support Chelsea instead?
ARGHHHHHH
He says why am i making a big deal about it, if this bothers you then i dread what serious issues are like.
Because my friend, If you are this controlling over what type of water i drink then i dread how you would be over serious joint decisions!

Yes he always pretends he is "jokin" with the mysogynistic comments

Tbh he doesnt really have any friends he is pretty much a loner. Im introverted myself but this is next level.

Apparently women are too much "hard work". Fucking hell. My brothers ex was the real definition of hard work- screeching like a banshee if she didnt get her precious Moet. This dude hasnt got a jar of glue what hard work is.

@Pretenditsaplan

WTAF

Misses point of the thread but when I'm going out for a nice meal all I think about is "I can't wait for a nice cold glass of wine"

I think he sounds very tight OP! Tap water??? No expense spared there eh?

He was tight. I paid for that meal anyway!

You will never win, OP. He will always think he’s right. You are wasting so much emotional energy. WHY??? He actually said he can stand you a few times a week? And, in the nicest possible way as I don’t want to berate you, you didn’t have enough self esteem to tell him to fuck off then and there?

He’s a dick. It’s over. Block him. You can’t win!

Ahhh yes that is my problem i always get drawn into the debate and i find it frustrating when people wont see other people's point of view when i try to see theirs. Ah fuck it, il leave em to it in future!

You are not alone. I am frequently astonished at how many people fail to notice that often the other person does not want to find a compromise and gives not a hoot about the reasoning behind your different opinion.

I think some people cannot cope with knowing someone else believes them to be wrong. They simply cannot let it lie.

Such people keep badgering for more discussion instead of just giving a Gallic shrug then leaving the other person to carry on living their life with their wrong opinion. It seems like an awfully draining way to love your life.

Also a recipe for hiding your opinions to avoid the risk of anyone disagreeing, which would be a major calamity for them. Seems dull to me.

I have no fear of a difference of opinion . It is wonderfully liberating to not care if people think you are wrongheaded.

I think some of us guys certainly do tend to mansplain, but for every mansplainer there seems to be a woman who is incapable of changing a tyre or wants to be 'swept off her feet' (dating websites are full of this!).

These don't help in preventing blokes from patronising women IMO.

(And no I'm not mansplaining myself, I'm 'mansploring' the subject ).

Here’s a wild idea, @ManOfReason. Keep your tiresome misogyny to yourself. A third of new cars don’t even come with spare tyres — ours has a ‘drive flat’ function so you can drive it to a garage — so your ‘expertise’ is fast becoming obsolescent. And I really dread to imagine your idea of sweeping someone off her feet.

It was a money thing. Pubs charge for soda water, it’s illegal to charge for tap water. You’re well rid, OP.

So you tell him that you don’t want to date him because he criticises every decision you make and he defends himself by criticising your decision? He hasn’t thought this through, has he?

Apparently women are too much "hard work". Perhaps you should point out what the common denominator is in all of his experiences with these women? He sounds like one of those arses that struggle with the difference between humour and rudeness. If he tells you he can cope with seeing you a certain amount of times a week, reply ‘oh God no, you’re far too much hard work for any sane, rational person.’

...for every mansplainer there seems to be a woman who is incapable of changing a tyre or wants to be 'swept off her feet' (dating websites are full of this!).

These don't help in preventing blokes from patronising women IMO.

I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you think you’re being funny by making some outlandish statement and expecting everyone to realise it’s humour. Just on the off chance that you really do believe such bollocks, if a man can’t help someone change a tyre without being patronising or simply be nice to the person he’s dating, then the problem does not lay with the woman. If a man sees either of those examples as an excuse to patronise someone, then that man clearly has issues that shouldn’t be inflicted on anyone else.

If you met one dickhead today then you met one dickhead. If you met loads of dickheads today then you are the dickhead.

I think this applies to him and people who are "hard work"

Tbh he doesnt really have any friends he is pretty much a loner.

He doesn't really have any friends because he is a human cactus.

People with very few friends tend to spend time alone. It doesn't always mean they are loners by choice.

Sometimes it means they have ended up alienating everyone they started a relationship with because many Cluster B personality disorders express themselves as massive problems in interpersonal relationships.

I was partly joking, but there is a bit of truth in what I say. There was a thread a while back called 'I'm a feminist but...' and lots of posters were confessing to leaving all the 'car stuff' to their partners. This is just laziness and I don't think it helps to pretend that there aren't loads of women who do this. If us men should step up and do our fair share of the housework this is the other side of the coin.

I think the origin of mansplaining definitely comes at least in part from the trope of 'the helpless woman'.

lots of posters were confessing to leaving all the 'car stuff' to their partners. This is just laziness and I don't think it helps to pretend that there aren't loads of women who do this. If us men should step up and do our fair share of the housework this is the other side of the coin.

Pray tell what 'car stuff' is the equivalent of the cleaning, laundry childcare and cooking that needs to be done daily?

A survey on this very forum found that men took primary responsibility for only three domestic chores taking out the bins (weekly or fortnightly), changing lightbulbs (infrequent), and DIY (infrequent), while women did the 36 other listed chores all or most of time time and these were women who also worked outside the home, not SAHMs:

1 Weekly clean

2 Daily clean

3 Vacuuming

4 Cleaning kitchen/bathroom

5 Heavy duty kitchen cleaning (oven/fridge)

6 Tidying up

7 Washing clothes

8 Washing bedding

9 Changing sheets

10 Ironing

11 Managing the family budget

12 Organising car insurance

13 Organising home insurance

14 Organising payment of utility bills

15 Liaising with school/nursery over everyday issues

16 Liaising with school/nursery over trips

17 Being the first person called if there's a problem at school/nursery

18 Packing schoolbags

19 Doing/supervising homework

20 Arranging childcare

21 Arranging applications for primary/secondary school

22 Arranging play dates

23 Taking children to clubs

24 Organising birthday parties

25 Buying clothes

26 Organising Christmas

27 Buying family presents/cards

28 Managing doctor/dentist/optician appointments

29 Looking after children at evenings and weekends

30 Preparing activities for your patner to look after the children at evenings and weekends

31 Reading bedtime stories

32 Looking after poorly children

33 Taking time off work to look after poorly children

34 Settling children that wake in the night

35 Organising birthday presents for family members

36 Booking holiday

Women who were WOHMs spent an average of ten hours a week on housework, men spent an average of five.

If every woman in the UK left 'car stuff' to her male spouse or DP which of course is not the case then it would in no way approximate a tiny fraction of the domestic gruntwork, childcare and cooking which 'helpless men' leave to women on a daily basis.

His exact words were:
I think I'll be able to put up with you a few times a week at most

Your words could be :
"I've realised I don't want to put up with you at all."

I'm so glad you're going to check out the Freedom Programme and (I hope) bin that loser off.

All i can say is thank fuck for Mumsnet and all you wonderful posters. Sometimes you need a total outsider to really give your head a wobble & have some stark realisations. Ive really took on board all the differing viewpoints that have been raised & expressed.
I love the quote about 1 dickhead / many dickheads etc.
I generally dont find most people to be dickheads, i find people to be interesting human beings with all their different facets of personality & i dont find most people dickheads at all.
But yes if someone is a negative, negging, energy draining emotional vampire. Then yes, perhaps they are the dickhead & thus not wasting further time & energy on.
Here endeth the lesson pour moi

Not the issue here but..

Sparkling water does a better job at making you feel full. Both are good for you because they are water but apparently, sparkling water is good for satiety.

Exactly plink thats always an area i need assistance with as i have a bottomless pit like the depths of mordor stomach that doesnt fill easily