To object to being told what to drink / is this mansplaining?

[Wavescrashingonthebeach]

Im actually laughing at the utterly ridiculousness of this. So im currently speaking to a guy who i briefly dated over the last few months. We are very different people but we do like each other and seem inexplicably drawn to each other.
Anyway, we have been rehashing why it didnt work and i told him i didnt like how he always told me what to do. He said he only told me to not swear as he doesnt like swearing fuck off. I said he told me what to do all the time.
Example: en route to a meal on a hot day, i said 'Ooo i fancy a nice refreshing glass of soda water'. His response is 'What's wrong with tap water'. Im a bit like and he kind of pushed it a bit going on for my to get tap water.
He is saying he only said that because 'I thought you were trying to be healthy'. But soda water IS healthy?! It is literally just carbonated water. No calories, sugar, sweeteners, nada!!! Just a nice refreshing drink! Half the time it doesnt even cost anything because places have it on tap.
Sorry i digress. Anyway, conversation goes along the lines of:
Me: "How is soda water not healthy?!"
Him: "Dont know what it is. All i know is tap water is good".
So he doesn't even know what it is but still felt the need to tell me to get something different! Am i not an intelligent enough woman to be able to pick my own soft drink?!
We're having the most ridiculous debate and he cannot seem to grasp the concept that it's rather patronizing & draining when someone feels the need to challenge your every choice. Like ive got to my 30's without being able to make a decision on what soft drink to order .
He is saying ive made a massive deal out of it he doesnt care what i drink. Well why tell me to do something else then?
Thats like going oh you support Tottenham do you, how about support Chelsea instead?
ARGHHHHHH
He says why am i making a big deal about it, if this bothers you then i dread what serious issues are like.
Because my friend, If you are this controlling over what type of water i drink then i dread how you would be over serious joint decisions!

Sounds like two kids squabbling in the playground. !

Sounds like two kids squabbling in the playground

and this is how people like the OP's ex get away with this and have women enter into relationships with them.

I'm so glad my parents (born in the 1920s) made sure I had higher expectations of behaviour in my partner and would never have dismissed my concerns as child-like.

Im going to look at that Freedom Programme. Ive heard it mentioned a few times on MN. Hopefully it will do me some good.

Ahhh yes that is my problem i always get drawn into the debate and i find it frustrating when people wont see other people's point of view when i try to see theirs. Ah fuck it, il leave em to it in future!

Nobody who says things like this is remotely interested in seeing the other person's point of view. They want to impose their own view on the other person, and it doesn't matter at all that they might not be right. This is true of most debates and discussions, but particularly in the case of extremely petty ones.

I think it's important to push back on these petty issues. Otherwise, bullying types will get away with controlling one on the big issues.

Yes, little things can be the tip of the iceberg.I was talking to someone today about how, in my early 20s, I suddenly realised that I had no future with someone I actually thought I had.

We were both Australian and were travelling in London during a holiday. I bought a copy of the humour magazine "Punch" (sadly, no longer published) which I used to borrow from my local library at home. He flicked through it, made a disparaging comment without actually reading it, and it was as if the scales fell from my eyes.

@SummerPlace

Aww well glad u seen the light in the end!

I went on a first date with a guy once who chose to park straddling two bays in a busy car park. That told me everything i needed to know about him in one fell swoop.

The telling you not to swear would annoy me even more

Definitely just move on. He sounds a right PITA.

I’d just move on. He sounds like hard work

Irritating as hell - bin him. Also my ex husband used to tell me off for swearing, said it must mean my vocabulary wasn't good enough. (Erm no, nothing is quite as satisfying as saying fuck/twat or whatever!!) He turned out to be very controlling....hence he's now an ex.

He sounds like a champion negger. Can’t be bothered with that kind of thing.

Please don't get involved with this man. Good relationships don't include being told what you should drink or whether you can swear or not.
If he doesn't like you enough without wanting to change you, he isn't the man for you (works both ways of course)

@Wavescrashingonthebeach

Honestly, the more you update us on his behaviour the worse he sounds.

In fact, he sounds an awful lot like a man I dated when I was really young. The negging, the pointless arguing, the 'referring back to olden days were the men were the kings and no women allowed in the kings court', the lack of showing any emotion, the questioning of your choice of clothes and drink and everything else ... if I didn't know better I'd almost think it was the same bloke!

Please, please do steer clear. His behaviour now just seems irritating but when you dig deeper it's manipulative and nasty and he's deliberately doing it to unsettle you and make you feel insecure all the time. Don't talk to him again, even as a friend - friends shouldn't behave like this any more than partners should.

I agree he's controlling he does it in a subtle insidious way so as to more easily fly under the radar, but you clearly have good radar 😊
I'd like an enjoyable fizzy water drink
Nah just have tap water
I'd like to wear a nice outfit
Nah just wear something plain
I'd like to have a nice meal
Nah just have some stale bread

The message, you are inferior, no nice things for you!

The swearing thing was really really annoying. Im not effing & blinding ALL the time but sometimes it is quite satisfactory or pertinent to the story. I was giving him a brief rundown of a pretty tough time in my life once, and he interuppted me mid sentence to say "dont swear" in the tone of voice you would use for an 8 yr old.
But yeah- it was ok for him to swear on occasion "Because he's a man"

I don't think you are making a massive deal out of it at all, OP. In the first instance, who does he think he is telling you not to swear? I'd honestly tell someone to get to fuck if they said that to me. Men like this start very small, so that they can convince you that you are overreacting and being silly, and then when the control ramps up you are already sucked in.

Bin him off. Life is too short and honestly, NO man is far far better than any old man.

But yeah- it was ok for him to swear on occasion "Because he's a man

See, I just absolutely knew he would be that kind of a dick. Please, don't waste anymore of your precious time on this loser.

Yuck what a twat.

Delete and block him.

Oh yuk! It's all grim, but your latest post made me want to throttle him and all men like him.
You deserve much better!

Urgh, he sounds boring af

Good god. I wouldn't even have a conversation with a man like that, never mind date one! He's clearly an utter, utter misogynistic, arrogant twat.

also, he's an idiot.

No women in the king's court?

ahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahaha

Hes clearly had nothing bad happen to him in his life. Hes an X for a reason.

I once split up with a guy because he took offense to me telling him to go to bed because he was snoring in my ear and i couldnt hear the program i was trying to watch. Apparently women should always go to bed first or at the same time as their man. After 6 weeks of dating and in my house. He was clearly knackered and i wanted to watch my show as a new season started the next day so i could be caught up. Same guy offered to go to supermarket for me while i had friends down. I gave him a list. He came back with what he liked to drink (it was a christmas present for my best friend). He opened it before i came into the kitchen so he could have a drink so couldn't even take it back to swap it for the actual booze she drinks. He hadnt even been supposed to stay as it was a girls night and as far as i knew he was going back to his after he picked up his stuff and dropped off the booze.