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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSC and school uniform

77 replies

Sweetpeach3 · 09/09/2019 09:32

Ok so me and my DH have 6 kids all together soon to be 7- so he has 4 from previous relationships

His 2 oldest sons live with me and now attend college (one woman) , his DD is 10 (2nd woman) and his DS is 9 (3rd). Doesn't sound great I know it doesn't but things happen- judge as you wish! I have opinions on it also but....
Every year we get uniforms / college clothes at end of June, I like to be organised. This year the oldest boys didn't need anything and their mum (who actually claims for them even though they live with me, don't ask she's an utter arse isn't worth the argument for their sakes) said she would get the little things they need.... she text last Wednesday saying can we get their new coats an trainers for school as she hadn't! Really annoying the fact we never ask her for anythin an she does this the day before. We ignored her and just got them anyway we wouldn't let them go without even though it isn't bloody cheap !!
That's my first annoying mother to deal with
Second one - DH doesn't actually pay maintenance for her as we see her twice during the week and on a weekend she comes away to our holiday home with us and the agreement is we pay for all her activities- swimming cheerleading and gymnastics then a private tutor to help with math and English and her mum won't do any at home with her like we do (bbc bite sized etc) so she needs it when she's at home to help her as she gets upset in class because she struggles. We got her school coat, shoes and bag which cost us near 200£ this year as she knew what she wanted an the older lads pick their stuff also. Her mum just had to buy the basic uniform. We've been called rotten for this an tbh I don't think we've been unfair ? We go half for everything she has like clothes etc and she goes on how the other kids get treated better etc- they really don't Easter they all get the same stuff. Xmas they get the same so on... pissed off
Then number 3
She's an arsehole who doesn't let my DH see DS (he's known as the man who buys him things) Angrybut we pay for him and buy him every occasion and all for school but this year she sent a list with what she wanted. We got every single thing and asked to meet her with them as DS doesn't really know who we are Iv never met him neither have any of the other kids. Then she ignored us an didn't collect them? Why play such a stupid game!! I'm so annoyed I feel like we get walked over or am I wrong

OP posts:
SpinneyHill · 09/09/2019 09:37

Good god. YANBU they are taking the mickey but if you do anything it's likely the kids will go without. I'm sorry, they've got you over a barrel really

squeakybike · 09/09/2019 09:37

Why has he not gone through the courts to get access to his son with the third ex?

Original poster
Sweetpeach3 · 09/09/2019 09:54

@squeakybike he got rights when he was about 1. I don't know the ins and out fully as I don't like to upset him over it But the woman is absolutely crazy! I duno how she did it but she basically went MIA an her mum an dad gave nothing away to the courts as of her whereabouts. We still send cards an money an vouchers etc to their house. Her friends say she's lost the plot as my DH best friend is still her best friend an she's now back on the scene sayin she's moving away again to us for a job abroad (her best friend said she's crazy and full of shit an she needs help) but like we've tried an I don't wana drag a 9 year old through all that drama and having to get to know strangers. He will know when he's old enough what she's done. As hard as it is we are trying she's just making it impossible. No one knows where she lives or anything. We just drop things at her parents or meet her if needed xx

OP posts:
JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 09/09/2019 10:00

Your partners choice in partners leaves a lot to be desired. What made you want to have children with this man with such a bad relationship history who already had 4 children?

whattodowith · 09/09/2019 10:04

This sounds absolutely bonkers, like a shit plot line in a soap.

What is appealing about a man with so much baggage? Sounds like an utter nightmare.

Hederex · 09/09/2019 10:15

This is utterly mad.
I can see why mum of 10 year old DD might be annoyed. Is she happy with not getting maintenance payments?
The other two sound bonkers.
Two things worry me most...why does mother 1 claim for the children if they don't live with her?
And why on earth don't you know why your DP doesn't see his son? I couldn't be in a relationship with someone if I didn't know that.
All that aside, rant away, it sounds like an utter nightmare.

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 09/09/2019 10:18

If I were your DP I'd go through the Child Maintenance Service for all the children then he would be paying a fair amount for all of them.

CassianAndor · 09/09/2019 10:20

you say you've got opinions on a man who has all these children by different mothers - but you're now having a baby with him?

GlitchStitch · 09/09/2019 10:21

A 7th child is just what this set up needed!

Tbh he's got 4 kids with various women, contact issues, financial conflicts etc. It was never going to be plain sailing was it.

LionKingLover · 09/09/2019 10:22

Wow. I find having to deal with one crazy mother of sdcs hard enough, let alone three!

zxcvhjkl · 09/09/2019 10:23

YANBU in feeling fed up.

However, YABU if you ever thought a being in a relationship with someone who has children with 3 ex partners would ever be easy and straightforward. I can't even begin to fathom out your situation or what would compel you go on to have multiple children with this person. Surely you knew what you were getting yourself into, so you can't then complain about it after.

All I can suggest is you let your partner deal with his ex partners and all that entails so you might feel a little less overwhelmed.

Henrysnoopy · 09/09/2019 10:25

Amazing how all 3 are bad shit crazy I imagine you will be the 4th bad shit crazy mother. What type of man continue to impregnate several women and has soon to be 7 dc within the household by 4 women.

titchy · 09/09/2019 10:28

Wow - your dh saw you coming didn't he?! His oldest live with you and you buy all their stuff, but he doesn't claim the CB. He doesnt pay maintenance for the third. And hasn't bothered with the fourth - that you still buy stuff for - does he pay maintenance?

LolaSmiles · 09/09/2019 10:28

Some women are unreasonable and manipulate their children's father etc, but you have to be spectacularly unfortunate to have 4 children with 3 women and all of them have different levels of apparent crazyness/unreasonable behaviour.

Surely, he'd do the sensible thing and go through CMS, have it documented that he's done the right thing as a minimum, go through courts for contact with his child from mother 3 and then do the extras on top of that so when the time comes it's clear what he's done.

I'd keep my eyes open OP otherwise there's a chance you're going to become (the so called) crazy ex and unreasonable mother number 4 in the future.

GlitchStitch · 09/09/2019 10:33

Having just looked at your other threads I doubt it is all his exes who have the problem. Your partner is abusive and borderline predatory. You would be far better off without him but at the very least detach from his drama with his other kids/ their mothers and just concentrate on your own.

Btw he regularly calls you a slag and abuses you for the fact that you weren't a virgin when you met him, yet he had 3 kids with 3 women already? He has some nerve. You deserve so much better.

CassianAndor · 09/09/2019 10:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CassianAndor · 09/09/2019 10:35

wrong thread!

squeakybike · 09/09/2019 10:36

@GlitchStitch what the fuuuuuuck? I need to find this thread 🥴

CassianAndor · 09/09/2019 10:36

he regularly calls you a slag and abuses you for the fact that you weren't a virgin when you met him

ShockAngry

squeakybike · 09/09/2019 10:39

Why does my partner think it's ok to call me on my past? http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3680963-why-does-my-partner-think-it-s-ok-to-call-me-on-my-past

Just reading the first post on your thread from the other day... it seems very convenient that all his ex's are the "crazy ones"

Good luck, you're gonna need it.

pinkyredrose · 09/09/2019 10:40

Why does the first woman claim for the two boys who don't live with her? You need to put a stop to that asap.

Original poster
Sweetpeach3 · 09/09/2019 10:44

He's a great dad can't fault him just his kids mums from his past. The first was his first ever grilfriend as kids. The other 2 were flings basically! We have them all the time so duno how we can be in the wrong we do everythin for the kids an I ain't complaining their really good kids just annoyed with it all as they think we are made of money. I'm on maternity leave so we aren't flush at all we just have nice things because I stupidly savvy shop an save all year around! An we've offered maintenance but she said no as she gets more doing the arrangement we agreed

OP posts:
JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 09/09/2019 10:46

He was 31 and you were 17 when you got together? And presumably he impregnated you pretty sharpish? He knew exactly what he was doing going for a teenager as his new partner who he could easily control and manipulate into believing all his shit and putting up with it all.

You are only 23ish? You have so much more life ahead of you. Cut this trash loose and go on with a happy life without him and all his children and exes making your life stressful and skint!

BarrenFieldofFucks · 09/09/2019 10:46

They're all crazy huh? Including the one he gives no money to, and the two he had children with with only a year in between? What a coincidence eh.

LolaSmiles · 09/09/2019 10:47

Please don't take this as a criticism, it's just something to consider.

You got together with him when you were 17 and he was 31.
He has a trail of apparently crazy exes behind him who all happen to have issues with him for no reason.
You've got 2 children with him and a 3rd on the way.
He calls you a slag for not being the cute little virgin 17 year old he wanted at 31.
He belittles you and you accept it because he's nice some of the time.
I didn't read the whole old thread but do you work OP? What's your financial situation like separate from him? Have you got people offline who can offer some support for you. I have a horrible feeling that you've got together young and a third child might leave you feeling tied more to a very unhealthy relationship.

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