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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSC and school uniform

77 replies

Sweetpeach3 · 09/09/2019 09:32

Ok so me and my DH have 6 kids all together soon to be 7- so he has 4 from previous relationships

His 2 oldest sons live with me and now attend college (one woman) , his DD is 10 (2nd woman) and his DS is 9 (3rd). Doesn't sound great I know it doesn't but things happen- judge as you wish! I have opinions on it also but....
Every year we get uniforms / college clothes at end of June, I like to be organised. This year the oldest boys didn't need anything and their mum (who actually claims for them even though they live with me, don't ask she's an utter arse isn't worth the argument for their sakes) said she would get the little things they need.... she text last Wednesday saying can we get their new coats an trainers for school as she hadn't! Really annoying the fact we never ask her for anythin an she does this the day before. We ignored her and just got them anyway we wouldn't let them go without even though it isn't bloody cheap !!
That's my first annoying mother to deal with
Second one - DH doesn't actually pay maintenance for her as we see her twice during the week and on a weekend she comes away to our holiday home with us and the agreement is we pay for all her activities- swimming cheerleading and gymnastics then a private tutor to help with math and English and her mum won't do any at home with her like we do (bbc bite sized etc) so she needs it when she's at home to help her as she gets upset in class because she struggles. We got her school coat, shoes and bag which cost us near 200£ this year as she knew what she wanted an the older lads pick their stuff also. Her mum just had to buy the basic uniform. We've been called rotten for this an tbh I don't think we've been unfair ? We go half for everything she has like clothes etc and she goes on how the other kids get treated better etc- they really don't Easter they all get the same stuff. Xmas they get the same so on... pissed off
Then number 3
She's an arsehole who doesn't let my DH see DS (he's known as the man who buys him things) Angrybut we pay for him and buy him every occasion and all for school but this year she sent a list with what she wanted. We got every single thing and asked to meet her with them as DS doesn't really know who we are Iv never met him neither have any of the other kids. Then she ignored us an didn't collect them? Why play such a stupid game!! I'm so annoyed I feel like we get walked over or am I wrong

OP posts:
JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 09/09/2019 10:48

He's a great dad can't fault him

Not to all of them. I bet the 9 year old could fault him. If you’re not a great dad to all your children- you’re not a great dad- full stop.

MILHouse · 09/09/2019 10:53

Christ. I assumed you were a blended family but it appears this prince among men has actually fathered all seven children.

Henrysnoopy · 09/09/2019 10:53

Of god you're that op who was called a slut for having sex and got with her DP at 17 no wonder the 3rd woman has done a runner shes seen the chaos from the other kids. I'd be heartbroken if you were my daughter.

Ghostontoast · 09/09/2019 10:57

Doesn't pay maintenance for 2 but has a holiday home Hmm

BarbariansMum · 09/09/2019 10:58

In what way is he "a great dad"? He knocks women (pretty much any woman if you believe what he's telling you) up and moves on.

BowiesJumper · 09/09/2019 11:03

Urg this is all a bit depressing. If he wants access to the 9yr old, he should be fighting in court. The issues about him being abusive to you though are disturbing. Not all men are like this you know - he is NOT a good man.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 09/09/2019 11:04

You have bigger problems than the maintenance 🙁

Agreeing with the others- I sincerely doubt all the exes are crazy, the common denominator is your husband.

As far as maintenance goes, for your own sanity let him deal with them all, and get a court order/cms thing put in place to avoid confusion.

I wish you luck.

Poochandmutt · 09/09/2019 11:05

Couldn’t take seriously any man who didn’t go through courts to see his child regularly..whatever batshit crap his ex comes out with ,you fight to see your kids

SpinneyHill · 09/09/2019 11:05

Bloody hell I've just read the other thread. Were all the mums teens when he met them?

fruitbrewhaha · 09/09/2019 11:09

Crumbs, it all sounds very complicated and expensive.

I don't understand why you got involved with this man at all.

SoupDragon · 09/09/2019 11:10

He's a great dad can't fault him just his kids mums from his past.

Open your eyes! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Templetonstunafish · 09/09/2019 11:12

He is exploiting you.

Jocasta2018 · 09/09/2019 11:17

The man sounds a complete jerk. The problem here is not his exes, it's him.

Ok this adds nothing to the thread however I've seen Ulrika Jonsson get slagged off for this....
He's a 4x4!!!

Blueoasis · 09/09/2019 11:17

Jesus if any guy needs a vasectomy it's him. Tell him to keep it in his trousers and leave him. What an asshole he is.

I really doubt the other mothers are the crazy ones. You've just joined the list of mothers that will be called crazy to the next one he finds.

MadameButterface · 09/09/2019 11:18

Oh dear op

pooopypants · 09/09/2019 11:19

Sorry OP but he isn't a great dad, he's a prick.

Why not take it through CMS / court and pay a fair amount? You don't want to 'upset him'!?!? For fucking real?? You're (for reasons I can't fathom) about to have a child to this prince, you should be able to talk about things without him turning abusive or being upset. I'm sure he wasn't upset when he was going round knocking women up.

And his ex claims money, despite the children living with you? More fool you for allowing that.

Give your head a good old wobble OP. Uniform is the least of your problems in this scenario.

squeakybike · 09/09/2019 11:23

Couldn’t take seriously any man who didn’t go through courts to see his child regularly..whatever batshit crap his ex comes out with ,you fight to see your kids

This

SoupDragon · 09/09/2019 11:24

Read your other thread and ask yourself whether you really believe he's managed to pick 3 "arseholes" to father children with.

Mother 3 has the right idea in keeping her son away from him. Hopefully he will grow into a better man than his father.

squeakybike · 09/09/2019 11:26

Weirdly just had this come up on my news feed on Facebook...

DSC and school uniform
chickenyhead · 09/09/2019 11:30

Ok, not read other thread yet, but will do.

On the basis of your OP alone, yes this is unfair but you are doing the right thing in trying to do your best for the DC.

Your DHs choices are not your choices and I feel that this thread is rather too hostile.

Notcontent · 09/09/2019 11:30

What I don’t understand is why the OP is having a third child with this man! Children are not toys - they are for life and they need a huge amount of financial and practical support.

Soontobe60 · 09/09/2019 11:31

Op, how old are you, your DH and all the children?

HoppingPavlova · 09/09/2019 11:37

Why would you think it a good idea to add a 7th child to what is already an utter shit show?

Does it strike you as odd that every single one of his ex-partners are supposedly crazy? Kudos to the woman who seems to have escaped this. I suspect she sees your DH for what he is.

LolaSmiles · 09/09/2019 11:41

Notcontent
Because she's been with him since 17 and believes his stories about all the crazy exes and uncooperative mothers and how he is the victim in all this. It's scary to consider her situation could end the same way.
I feel for the OP.

chickenyhead
I don't think it's hostile. I think people who are outside a relationship are rightly concerned about the OP and this relationship.

You're right, her partner's choices are his to make and not hers. But I think lots of us can see how she could find herself vulnerable in this relationship and then in the same position of the other exes: with no or limited child support other than when he feels like buying certain things (or he can get his new partner to fund his children), then a year or so later there'll be baby number 8 with woman number 5 who's under the (incorrect) impression the OP Is some sort of uncooperative bitch who prevents Mr Victim from being a dad because he's a great dad to their DC and they're thinking about adding to their family.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/09/2019 11:54

He sounds horrible.

How old are you now?

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