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Original poster

To send a angry text?

67 replies

kelliparr · 08/09/2019 18:16

My friend of 15 years has turned all the friendship group against me.
I lent her £400 and asked for it back,she refused saying she was skint.
Then started telling all our friends I was hounding her for money and threatening to take the money from her kids mouths.
Anyway it's been 2 months and they are all going out socialising etc and I have no friends left.
One girl still messages me but won't meet up.
She told me she knew I was in the right and had done nothing wrong.
Do I message this girl and say why are you taking her side?
I'm really hurt and angry

OP posts:
mbosnz · 08/09/2019 18:26

Is there something like small claims court you could seek to recover the money through over here?

I'd write off the whole friendship group, they're not friends. And the one you lent money is a nasty, two faced, conniving, dishonourable weasel.

Knittedfairies · 08/09/2019 18:29

Don't send an angry text; it really won't help.

Genderfree · 08/09/2019 18:34

If you’ve evidence of the loan I’d be tempted to write to her asking for payment within a set time period or you will go the small claims court route. It’s quite straight forward and you can do it yourself.

MrsMaiselsMuff · 08/09/2019 18:35

Don't send it, the rest of the group will find out and they'll just gossip about you more.

Sorry, it's a horrible thing to happen.

Hirsutefirs · 08/09/2019 18:36

There’s no more dependable way to get rid of a friend, than to lend them money.

PegasusReturns · 08/09/2019 18:36

You don't need to send an angry text but asking the friend that is messaging you why she is taking your other friends side is perfectly reasonable

Original poster
kelliparr · 08/09/2019 18:37

Thankyou il look into small cllaims court
I just didn't want to look bitter
I was thinking of asking the girls why they stopped inviting me out?
But didn't want to look pathetic
Would it make me look pathetic ?

OP posts:
31RueCambon75001 · 08/09/2019 18:37

That is awful. You poor thing. No good deed goes unpunished. Her turning your mutual friends against you is disgraceful. I would takevher to small claims court on principle. Ignore them all. Even thecone who texts but wont MEET UP.

TowelNumber42 · 08/09/2019 18:38

Get new friends. Those ones were shit friends.

Don't send an angry text. It will do nothing. If you need to say something then say it to each "friend" to their faces. That will have maximum impact on shaming them, which is presumably what you want.

TowelNumber42 · 08/09/2019 18:41

Arrange to meet each friend individually. Over coffee/wine ask her advice about the money. Maybe act like you hadn't noticed you are not being invited out. Or, for giggles, pretend you think they know you are skint because theiving friend stole your £400 so they don't embarrass you by inviting you to spend money. See what comes out.

31RueCambon75001 · 08/09/2019 18:42

You arent pathetic to be hurt but i think the bottom line iscalways that nobody has to socialise with you. If you are "needy" they will see it as vindication for cuttingvyou off.

Change the narrative here. You cut them off. It hurts but do not go cap in hand to then for empathy or explanation.

They arent worthy of your friendship now. Not in a bitter way but just in a "this is my standard" way.

You expect more from friends.

Even if they said "oh it's wednesdays and we are wearing pink and hop in we are off to the mall" say "unfortunately im busy".

MarySibleysFamiliar · 08/09/2019 18:43

I agree with everyone here. Angry text will just give them ammo. They're not friends.

If you bump into one I think it would be better to simply state your disappointment with being excluded thanks to one of the group borrowing money you really need then refusing to repay you. Just leave it at that. Angry texts will make you look unreasonable because they're clearly more taken with the dishonest person who owes you.

As for the loan, if you have written proof then small claims court is worth it.

Bluntness100 · 08/09/2019 18:44

Op, I think sending an angry message to the one and only person on your side isn't going to help, it will just make it worse.

Why don't you maintain the friendship with them as others said, message them individually, see how they are, ask them to go out for a coffee etc.

31RueCambon75001 · 08/09/2019 18:46

I sgree meeting them individually a better plan but even then i would leave it a year to be honest. These friendship cyclones take a while to blow over. If you run in to a friend on her own dont accuse them of anything specific. You could say you were disappointed to be cut out but so be it.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 08/09/2019 18:47

An angry text won’t do anything more than your previous attempts at communication, unfortunately.

slipperywhensparticus · 08/09/2019 18:49

Message them as a group tell them you have been put out financially by this person and you thought better of them as friends obviously this will not be the case therefore you have moved on block them all and either write of the 400 or take her to court

Original poster
kelliparr · 08/09/2019 18:49

Yes I'm not going to bother sending it.
It's the girl who is still texting me who's having a get together ....yet no invite for me?
Yet here she is texting me now chatting about a program we are both watching.
Wouldn't you simply just not speak at all?
It's baffling
She's been painting my as a Christmas person,who goes off it and sends page long texts (I did send her them saying that she owed me money and it was awful behaviour etc )

OP posts:
SlightlySleepy · 08/09/2019 18:51

As tempting as it is, an angry text will make you sound unhinged. That won't go in your favour. A nice text asking for clarity and explaining your side (if your friendship is like that), otherwise do nothing and see if things change in the future. It's not your fault, but there's not much you can do for now. Put your efforts into meeting new people, if you're finding the situation too hurtful.

Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav · 08/09/2019 18:52

Are you in a group chat? If you are I would maybe send a very calm and rationally worded message explaining that you were asked if you could lend the money, you agreed as long as it was paid back. You are now in a position that the money is needed so you have asked if there was any way you could at least have some of it back that would be appreciated but in no way have you hounded anyone nor threatened to take food from any ones mouths.
Then just leave them to it

Original poster
kelliparr · 08/09/2019 18:54

I was in a group chat but they've stopped speaking in it and set up a new one

OP posts:
Original poster
kelliparr · 08/09/2019 18:57

@Bluntness100 I've asked this girl to meet up but she always says she's busy etc
She's been friends with this girl for years and me only a year.
I guess she doesn't want to rock the boat

OP posts:
MarySibleysFamiliar · 08/09/2019 19:06

Oh that's awful OP. I know you're all adults but every now and then that high school nastiness creeps into adults behaviour. It's horrible. Whatever you do, try not to confide your angry or annoyed thoughts in the one friend who's talking with you. Especially not in writing. If the group are being so childish as to have made a new WhatsApp chat then I wouldn't put it past them to be discussing you. Give them no ammo.

Try to meet up with them individually for a coffee. Keep an adult, drama free relationship with them separately and you may find that your friendships outlasts theirs with the nasty one.

Chunkers · 08/09/2019 19:06

Maybe you could message the group saying you need the money for an emergency and could one of them lend her the money to pay you back. I bet there won’t be any volunteers.

Dollymixture22 · 08/09/2019 19:14

What did you lend her the money for? Did you agree when it would be paid back?

It seems odd that a friend of 15 years would turn on you after you have been kind to her.

Did she think the money was a gift rather than a loan?

Troglod · 08/09/2019 19:20

So sorry this has happened to you, it’s really nasty stuff. But everyone here is right, none of these people seem good friends at all. Try to take comfort in the fact that the one who borrowed money will slowly work her way through the whole group, hurting and pushing people out. In the end they will all learn exactly what she is like. Some of them will be daft enough to be hoovered back in so she can hurt and use them all over again. Seriously, put your energies into finding the friends you deserve.

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