Girls are eager to please

[topsagain]

I have a DD and a DS. My DD is eager to please the teachers and is well behaved and will do anything to get praise, which she responds to. My DS doesn't care, actively dislikes being told to do something and resists at every oppurtunity. Is this the nature of girls vs boys in general.

No

Are you addressing your son’s behaviour or just writing it of as “the nature of girls vs boys”?

Not trying to get at you btw, but girls and boys are socialised differently.

No it's not.

Actually I think it is.

The degree to which it’s biologically driven and the degree to which it’s socially conditioned is up for debate.

It serves girls well in education, but a lot less well after that imo.

Every child is different.

No - DD1 (17) was and still is super eager to please and very focused on best performance always.
DD2 (15) never eager to please and went her own way from the day she could decide.
DD2 is a very happy child who sails along safe in the courage of her convictions. DD1 worries she will ket me/us/teachers/the world down.
Not a girl/boy thing - it's a people thing.

No. I have two boys - one a people pleaser and the other couldn’t care less about receiving praise. We need to stop with the gender stereotyping of behaviour. Stop socialising children with all the “boys will be boys” and girls being nice and compliant bollocks.

I find that even at work women are more likely to be eager to please, and are not respected because of it.

Starting in my existing job, I noticed a female manager (mid level) making tea/
Coffee constantly for her desk mates (a mix of those the same level and the level below her). The men never take a turn. On that first day I was determined that I would not be the “tea lady”.

I’m not saying that’s necessarily what you’re doing btw.

No, you can only speak for your own DC, not extrapolate to an entire sex.
What measures are you taking to address the problem? Perhaps your DD needs a bit of assertiveness training, ability to question authority, consider her own needs, etc and your DS needs some discipline.

No, you can only speak for your own DC, not extrapolate to an entire sex.
What measures are you taking to address the problem? Perhaps your DD needs a bit of assertiveness training, ability to question authority, consider her own needs, etc and your DS needs some discipline.
DS has been assessed for ASD (borderline) and we are waiting for ADHD tests. I am not the parent who is this is for boys and this is for girls type. My DD although easier than DS , pushes boundries at home all the time. At school though she conforms.

I do think its personality not gender, but why is always boys who are disruptive in class? From my experiences anyhow.

There's a big socialisation element to it. The way women are expected to be "nice" and put others' feelings and needs above their own continues into adulthood and leads to situations where assertive women are labelled bitches for behaviour that wouldn't even be noticed if a man was doing it.

It's true what pp said that people pleasing might be beneficial to girls at school, but it won't be once they move into the workplace. My predecessor in my job at the moment used to run around making tea for the men and would sit quietly in meetings not speaking up when she disagreed with something. I don't do those things and, although I'm respected for being good at my job, I suspect I'm not liked as much as she was.

It is with my children, yes.

It can annoy me when I'm eager to please.

I think it's personality more than sex, though.

It can annoy me when I'm eager to please.
I think it's personality more than sex, though

Me too, I go along with things to keep the peace and seethe later. I am going to try to stop, but the words come out of my mouth and I turn into some people pleasing idiot. Its like its ingrained in me.

Personality and socialisation.

Biological sex doesn't really play a part until puberty IMO, and even differences are due in a large measure to biological changes in physical size and power, which obviously everyone is aware of, mixed with society, authority figure and peer expectations - physical biology and socialisation IMO.

Before age 9 or so it's just personality and socialisation.

In your son's case the ASD traits have vastly more to do with demand avoidance than his sex, though demand avoidance is tolerated more in boys than girls so this will have played into it.

My DH doesn't care, he really doesn't and I am envious of the "no fucks to give" mentality he has.

My DD is damnd avoidance at home though. Is it because I allow her to be and she picks upon the different expectations at school.

Not true with my DC, no. DS2 is the one who is most eager to please and gets upset when an adult is cross with him. DD is fairly eager to please and DS1 least so.

topsagain how old are you? Many women (not all) find they achieve the "no fucks to give" mentality once they break the 40 barrier (I did, but it's not just me) - it gets easier

I think it is socialisation not nature. I think higher levels of self-control are expected from girls from a young age and they are subtly passed the.l message that their self-worth depends on being likable.

09:54 post - yes, probably. Lots of kids are like that.

"but why is always boys who are disruptive in class?"

There was a really good social experiment. Cameras were allowed into the homes of families and body cameras worn.

All Parents thought they treated their DC equally.

In every case that was shown not to be true.

The boys disruptive, non helpful behaviour was shown to be because of socialisation.

We do both sexes a diservice, because when we put boys in disciplined environments, they thrive.

"Many women (not all) find they achieve the "no fucks to give" mentality once they break the 40 barrier"

And then we are described as, bitter, men haters, dried up. When actually we've just stopped playing the game and take no shit.