Parenting is futile

[topsagain]

No matter what you do as a parent, other factors influence your childs life. Obviuously being a loving and supportive parent matters but that there is so much out of your control that determines your chids life. Genetics, circumstance, personality, etc etc.
Parenting is just swimming against the tide.

Utter drivel!

OK, please expand. With someting a bit more intelligent. Do you think that circumstances play no part in parenting?

Of course circumstances do play a roll but children with loving, supportive parents are going to have a better chance in life than children with abusive or uninterested parents.

absolutely other factors play a part, but if you work as hard as you can to install key behaviours / moral compass it does help guide your child.

If your child steps out of line do you allow it encourage it or deal with it? And would each of these three potential reactions each have a different outcome ? Is it not the job of the parent to create boundaries as he’s they can to limit damage from outside influence ?

You parenting will have more of an impact than you realise

Yes NerrSnerr, I meant that aside.

Newmumma83
This is interesting, if parenting is so detrimental, wat are we doing as a society to ensure better parenting?

This is a nature /nuture debate btw

Pollywollydolly please enlighten me

Utter nonsense

And 5 minutes on google can find you tons of evidence that shows the effects of bad or poor or lack of parenting on children.

Just visit the NSPCC website for starters.

Well....yeah, but that’s life.
Unless you want total control over a person....that might be your thing.

Wouldn't go so far as to say it's futile OP but I think you have a point. I think perhaps societal expectations of parenting have changed and parents are now, somewhat unrealistically, expected to control the majority of their children's environment. A lot of blame is laid on parents. What was once considered normal e.g. letting kids go out in the morning to do whatever and just expecting them home for tea, now looks like neglect. Of course some of this is an improvement, obvs! But in general we are all expected to be a bit more responsible than we can be and that's not too healthy either. And attribution bias means people whose kids are doing well etc. think it's down to them and don't realise how much it has to do with their luck and circumstance, absence of trauma in their lives etc.

Swing the effects of a successful fostering placement, which turned into an adoption, from a family we know leads me to conclude you’re talking rubbish. The impact that a stable, secure loving environment has had is unbelievable.

xtinak
This.
Jeezoh -But how much was the chidlrens nature involved in the success if this.
You also hear of adopted children given every oppurtunity that don't turn out ok.

This is interesting, if parenting is so detrimental, wat are we doing as a society to ensure better parenting?

In some countries, quite a lot. Promoting the benefits of breastfeeding. Programmes like Surestart. Offering parenting programmes. Making resources available on-line.

The families socio-economic circumstances are huge, yes, but there is plenty of evidence that a consistent, positive caregiver is a major factor in a child's life outcomes.

There are many factors that mould the people we become....parenting us by far the biggest contributing factor.

Ok, I'm not contesting that good parenting has a postive outcome. I'm asking whether in circumstances of good parenting, other factors play a bigger part. Peer group etc

AssangesCat -this is about other influencers in your childs life at a later stage.

You were asking about genetics. It's worth googling the science around orchid and dandelion children, if you don't know about this. The concept is that for some children, based on genetics, outcomes are relatively less variable regardless of their environment, while others are much more sensitive. Dandelion children can do fine in tough circumstances. Orchids can't, but in optimal circumstances they can flourish much more than the dandelions. This is real science, though complex and probably contested and I'm just summarising.

I'm asking whether in circumstances of good parenting, other factors play a bigger part.

Except that isn't what you asked.
You posted 'Parenting is futile' and 'Parenting is swimming against the tide' which is utter nonsense.

What tosh.

Bad parenting is usually the root of adopted children who "don't turn out OK" - children are, unfortunately, often adopted too late these days, and the damage has been done. A child relinquished at birth then adopted by loving parents has a better chance than a child adopted at age two who has already been neglected, developed attachment issues.

I work with children, and I'd say at least half of the issues I see come up can be traced back to home life/parenting choices.

Parent shave a huge impact on children their life expectations attitude work ethic education etc

Why do you think some kids turn up at school not potty trained can’t use a knife and fork can string a sentence together?

These are basic parenting skills given to children

(Not all obviously some children do struggle)

BackforGood
Parenting is futile' and 'Parenting is swimming against the tide'
Because it is regarding genetics etc! ref xtinak

There was a recent case when a man chopped off his victim's hand with a machete. In sentencing the Judge blamed the offender's parents for their lack of parenting. Vanessa Feltz did a phone in about it and spoke to a criminal psychologist. They said that every prisoner they had examined who had committed violent crimes came from a background of neglect with very few boundaries or parental influence. It's an extreme example but explains why parenting is important. I agree it feels like a pointless task sometimes but it's about the long term.

@topsagain please give a clear example of what you mean?

Its obvious a caring, well balanced environment will benefit a child and if you lay the groundwork in your relationship with your child, it will make the path easier going forward.

Your child is likely to meet circumstance where they can be swayed to do the wrong thing, but if you have laid good ground work, the chances of it turning into a big thing are lessened.

If your child is surrounded by "scally wags" in their formative years, it is more likely they will be accepting of this behaviour and it continues, but you obviously get the children who fight against their upbringing and step outside of it and grow to better themselves.