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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be bemused at people that can’t name their newborns

90 replies

Potofjoy · 07/09/2019 16:40

I have an acquaintance that still hasn’t named their baby and it’s now 4 weeks old. Surely you have a good idea what to choose, after all there’s plenty of time to draw up a shortlist! Did you all have names ready or was it a case of waiting to see what inspired you at the time?

OP posts:

KnobJockey · 07/09/2019 18:51

Im currently 39 weeks pregnant, and no names set as of yet. There are 3-4 girls ones that we don't mind, and probably 2-3 boys, but we don't know what we are having and haven't got a clue really.

We haven't made a decision as during the pregnancy we have renovated a house in another town, concurrently bought a new house for us, moved, worked full time plus part time for a bit of extra cash, and had a 15 year old starting GCSEs and generally being a teenager. The thought of deciding a name while all of that was happening was quite frankly beyond us! We have literally been that tired and stressed with everything else that deciding what to have for dinner has been a struggle a lot of nights.

TreesoftheField · 07/09/2019 18:54

Took 5 days with no 1, he really didn't suit the name we'd planned and then we had to negotiate a lot to get something we're both happy with!
We didn't tell anyone the names we liked cos our family are opinionated and would have made comments, people don't tend to slag off your choices so much when it's attached to a gorgeous newborn.

Twatonapogostick · 07/09/2019 18:58

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

foxtiger · 07/09/2019 18:59

It took us about an hour to agree on a name for DS1 after he was born (we weren't starting from scratch, we had two two-name combinations picked out and then DH suddenly really wanted to add his dad's name into the mix) - and even that felt too long to me. I've never been one for calling a baby "the baby" - I wanted to start calling him by his name straight away. He ended up with three names as it was the only way to keep both of us happy, and then I was determined any future DC should have three names too, for fairness' sake.

With DS2 we were pretty much agreed on a combo from halfway through the pregnancy but I thought there was a faint chance one of us would change our mind when we saw him - but that didn't happen, and he ended up with the name we'd been unofficially calling him by for ages.

I don't have anything against people who take longer to choose, it would just have felt all wrong to me personally. I think a baby becomes more of an individual when he or she has a name.

Ragwort · 07/09/2019 19:04

Totally agree with Twat, we told no one what our chosen names were, we didn’t know if we were having a boy or a girl, we had agreed the girl’s name and had two choices for a boy, as soon as he was born (when I recovered from the EMCS ) we agreed the name ... then we told people. Never tell anyone your choices.

PinkiOcelot · 07/09/2019 19:09

We didn’t find out the sex for either dd. They weren’t named for weeks. We just couldn’t agree. No big deal. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap · 07/09/2019 19:13

@MouseInATelescope just checking you know the reindeer was Donner not Donna? a little poetic licence is allowed of course 😂

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 07/09/2019 19:18

I think it's a bit harsh the people taking great offence at an honest question. I'd understand the umbrage if the OP had accused people in this position of being stupid or something, but nothing of the sort is the case whatsoever.

Each to their own but I personally imagine it to not help with the bonding process. I don't know from what age a baby is capable of associating a particular noise (to them) with somebody addressing them and giving them attention, but from the parents' POV, surely it's much nicer and more helpful in getting to know your new family member to be able to talk about giving little Doris or Trevor a bath, taking D/T out for a walk or "Did you see how D/T just smiled at us?" rather than just a generic 'the baby'. Especially, as a PP said, when the baby has an older sibling(s).

But each to their own; like the OP, I'm not proclaiming myself as perfect or righteous in wondering this!

Pleasedontdrawonyoursister · 07/09/2019 19:18

Took us six weeks to name my DC! My OH wouldn’t discuss it with me before the baby arrived so I had my own shortlist, he didn’t like any of them and kept coming up with random family names etc that I refused to use. In the end I picked it and he just had to go along with it!

Witchinaditch · 07/09/2019 19:19

Totally agree! If we named babies what they looked like that would make for some very interesting names! You have 40weeks pick a name!!

DadCanIHaveAZedgie · 07/09/2019 19:19

It's easier to name a prospective human than it is to name an actual human? I had all kinds of wild and wonderful ideas during pregnancy, but when actually faced with this tiny person, I just wanted his name to be right for him.

Took a few days (and arguments, and I still don't like ds middle name, neither now, does DH, who insisted on it!)

eurochick · 07/09/2019 19:20

We took a few days.

As has been mentioned it was a high risk pregnancy and I thinking of my bump as a named human would have made the awfulness even worse.

Not everyone gets nine months - my baby was prem.

In the immediate aftermath, we had other priorities. I didn't even get to hold her for 24 hours. For the first night i only had a Polaroid the nicu nurses had kindly taken for me.

I'm pretty unapologetic about the fact that she was nameless for a few days.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 07/09/2019 19:27

I had a names picked for my first and second and neither name seemed 'right' once they were born. So both their names came about very naturally after a few days when every time I looked at them a particular name would pop into my head.

For my third and fourth children I didn't even bother thinking of names, they were named in the same way as the other two. After a week or so a name just seemed right for them.

I think it's tempting fate a bit to have a name definitely decided on. My friend has bought personalised door hangers etc for her baby before he was born. That gave me the heeby-jeebies a bit.

Then of course there was my friend who was told she was having a girl, and she would have her 3 year old son talk to his baby sister "Kate". Except when "Kate" was born she had a penis and it needed to be explained to the 3 year old that the baby wasn't in fact his baby sister "Kate".

HysteryMystery · 07/09/2019 19:30

Where I lived when I gave birth to DS, you had to write a girls and a boys name on the form when you registered to give birth. Without the completed form in the hospital system, you weren't allowed to give birth, you had to fill the form out before they would admit you. Although when my waters went in the corridor they sent me on ahead and let DH fill out the form. The only concession was if you knew you were having a boy or a girl, then you could leave the other line blank!

LittleAndOften · 07/09/2019 19:31

Why can't I name my baby based on what they look like ffs, it's my baby! I don't care if some pps think all babies look the same, DS1 looked unique to me, and so will DS2 when he arrives in a few weeks. I'll name him then, when I meet him - not in accordance with some daft mumsnet protocol

theSnuffster · 07/09/2019 19:38

I couldn't decide on a name before mine were born. We decided on day 6 for both of them. I just wanted to meet them first.... And then when they arrived I felt far too exhausted and shellshocked to make a decision on such an important thing!

I also know of several people who chose a name, used the name through their pregnancy, even had personalised things made.... Then changed their minds because the name just didn't 'suit' their baby.

Alexel · 07/09/2019 19:40

Idk why people are so "baffled", there are various factors in people's lives.
The lady who didn't name her baby until a month after birth, maybe she had a fear she's telling no one about, like a fear of sids? Post natal depression? There's loads of reasons. Or maybe she just didn't have a name and doesn't think it's a big deal.

I didn't name my child when she was born because I was in an abusive relationship, I didn't assume we'd survive as I was suicidal. Then if we did, she was to be adopted to keep her safe from my ex. She had no name. Then I was forced by social to give her a name, then I changed her name as the rushed one I didn't like. it was a lady who called my works name and I didn't have time to think of names, so I went with hers as she called that day at work lol. Literally.

So there's loads of circumstances or even fears. I'm "baffled" people can't understand not everyone has their type of pregnancy where they have 9 months to figure out names. Lucky for some.

Aprillygirl · 07/09/2019 19:45

Maybe they're not on mumsnet, where the unimaginative would have people queuing up to name their baby for them.

CatteStreet · 07/09/2019 19:56

Where I am, babies have to be registered within 7 days - decisiveness is needed. Ours were all named by mid-pregnancy at the latest, although I did dilly-dally a bit over one of dd's middle names until the moment of her registration.

44PumpLane · 07/09/2019 20:03

The thing that I find odd is that on the twin group on Facebook that I'm on (useful for the odd twin specific question in the early days, though should really get out of it now I think about it) - so many people post asking what everyone else's twins are called.

"Having two girls/boys/one of each but now inspiration, what are yours called"

So many people reply, I never know why they don't just read one of the other 500 posts that asked the same, and even more so I don't know why people reply. Unless you want 15 sets of twins around the country to have your specific names, it's all a bit odd to me.

I guess to each their own.

Redcarandthebluecarhadarace · 07/09/2019 20:09

Mine were named within 2-3 days. We had a shortlist of about 4-5 names that we kept updating and then waited to see what felt the most natural when baby arrived.

I didn't like the idea of having a definite name before they arrived, somehow it made me feel uneasy, like I'd jinxed the pregnancy ot something. No idea why and obviously lots of people do it and their babies are fine

MRex · 07/09/2019 20:10

@44PumpLane - maybe they want a paired name like you do for hamsters e.g. Ginger and Nuts, and that's harder to think of.

44PumpLane · 07/09/2019 20:14

MRex I'm genuinely not lying when I tell you that a lady on the group has chosen Ronnie and Reggie for her boys and often mentions it's perplexing that people think it's an odd choice.

So yes, maybe she was just short on matchy matchy names

Buddytheelf85 · 07/09/2019 20:17

Took us 5 weeks. We didn’t want to pick out a specific name beforehand for fear of jinxing things. We had a shortlist but couldn’t agree on which one to choose.

Also tbh my DH is the kind of person who hates to make a decision (his default response to any question is ‘don’t mind’), but also hates to let other people make a decision!

bluebluezoo · 07/09/2019 20:20

I was one who didn’t name for about 4-5 weeks.

Many reasons. I have been affected by sudden death and was acutely aware there was always a chance things may not go to plan.

I didn’t want to discuss names or talk about the reality of a baby. I didn’t make any plans at all.

Dc arrived early in the end. We talked over a few names- the decision was actually slowed down by various relatives telling is what they did and didn’t like and trying to hurry us up.

The baby will have the name for a lifetime. What’s the rush. I’m glad we took our time and chose the right name.

It really isn’t an issue. Why on earth are people bothered by it anyway?

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