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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be bemused at people that can’t name their newborns

90 replies

Potofjoy · 07/09/2019 16:40

I have an acquaintance that still hasn’t named their baby and it’s now 4 weeks old. Surely you have a good idea what to choose, after all there’s plenty of time to draw up a shortlist! Did you all have names ready or was it a case of waiting to see what inspired you at the time?

OP posts:

keepingbees · 07/09/2019 17:40

@Homemadearmy that's what happened to me with my youngest. I'm still not keen on the name and am annoyed I wasn't firmer. But I was sleep deprived, being pressured by everyone and ended up just wanting to have a name!

DoctorAllcome · 07/09/2019 17:40

To each their own. I have a brother named Mark because he was born on Saint Marks day. So not all parents pre-pick a name but wait for inspiration.

MouseInATelescope · 07/09/2019 17:43

Ha! I was like this with the puppy we've just got- I went through hundreds of names, we ended up calling her Dasher because the golden lab I grew up with was Donna, so we're stating a theme with the Reindeer names [santa]...

With my human boys I adored the name Charlie as soon as I read Charlie and the Chocolate Factory as a little girl and then watched the film. Every time I read or heard the name Charlie I got a warm fuzzy feeling. I also always imagined having two boys. With my two pregnancies I felt so strong I was carrying boy babies I naturally didn't even consider girl names. So with my 1st he was my Charlie. And that year baby Charlie's seemed to appear everywhere!

With my 2nd I was about 7 weeks and liked Theo but there was something off about it... then I considered Leo the same week, and bam, from 7 weeks he was my Leo. Absolutely no way the same connection I have to the name Charlie (but nothing was ever going to be) but I still love it and to me it's a happy, fun, friendly name which is what I was going for both times and told everyone straight away :)....

I also cannot stand the whole "we're keeping the name a secret" thing and then doing a "reveal", it really makes me cringe - but I'm well aware I'm in the like 1% who think like that!

user1573624 · 07/09/2019 17:49

I have friends that still hadn't named their baby after six months. They eventually put names in a hat and let her choose.

I call bull on that. Babies have to be registered by 42 days.

SunshineAngel · 07/09/2019 17:49

This is something that the child is stuck with for life, you need to get it right. My brother wasn't named for a few weeks. I was named in the womb but then they both changed their mind when I was born, as I didn't "look like a Rebecca".

What does my nut is in when people make a big deal about having found out the sex of the baby, and having decided on the name, but then not telling anyone. I don't mind not being told (none of my business at the end of the day) but the things on social media like "Baby *** is kicking like hell today" and I'm like yes I KNOW you've chosen a name, but you're not going to tell us, so stop it was the cryptic stars.

Even worse than THAT is when people find out they're pregnant, the sex, or choose a name, and when they finally announce it people comment things like "I'm so happy I can now spill the beans!" like they're rubbing in the fact they're "in the circle" and already knew. Who cares.

justasking111 · 07/09/2019 17:53

Had three boys, had chosen names for the first two when the third arrived we struggled to agree on a name for a few days. The eldest two kept saying you cannot use this or that because of nicknames we have an unfortunate surname. We did not know the sex of the baby beforehand though.

TheSmallAssassin · 07/09/2019 17:58

We had a family name I loved in mind for our daughter (we didn't know her sex beforehand, but we didn't even think about boys' names). When she arrived the name just did not suit her at all - babies really don't all look the same! It took us quite a while to decide on one because we'd not thought of any alternatives, having felt so certain about our original choice before she was born. Her older brother just "was" his name from the moment we saw him.

BobTheFishermansWife · 07/09/2019 17:58

I found it odd until I got pregnant. DP and I were in agreement on a boys name from when we started trying, we did consider other names, but we always went back to this one name.
Agreeing on a girls name however, was torture, we just couldn't agree, and then the day before I went into labour (with our son) we agreed on a girls name, although I'm pretty sure we would have circled around girls names some more had I gone full term and not had our son early.

Sh05 · 07/09/2019 17:59

We had two names we couldn't choose between but after she was born one of them just seemed perfect for her. It was an Arabic name and translated to pretty much how dainty and rosy she was at birth!

LynetteScavo · 07/09/2019 18:03

I wish I'd waited longer to name DD. For some reason I wanted her to be registered as quickly as possible. If I'd waited a few more weeks I might have made a better decision.

Croquembou · 07/09/2019 18:04

As someone currently pregnant, we're completely fucked if it's a boy. We've got nothing. So...fingers crossed for a girl or you'll all be judging us too.

westcountrychicken · 07/09/2019 18:07

We took a week to name ours as none of our short list suited her. The other one was named 2 months before birth!

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 07/09/2019 18:09

I waited a few weeks both times.

We were just stuck between two names. My husband speaks another language and trying to find a name that worked in both, meant that neither of us had our first choices. We'd narrowed it down to two each time. I felt a bit like it was tempting fate to name the baby beforehand, but had bad births and was too sore / tired / emotional to even think about it for a week or so.

What baffled me is why it bothered so many people when it was absolutely nothing to do with them. I was busy trying not to piss myself, deal with a baby with tongue tie, hormone crashes etc and the constant 'have you not decided on a name yet, make up your minds, what are you waiting for' texts just felt like more added pressure.

In the end we are happy with one name and I dislike the other name, I felt like if I'd had a few more days after I began to feel better, I would have had more mental energy to make a decision I was happy with.

PumpkinPie2016 · 07/09/2019 18:11

Four weeks seems rather a long time but tbh I can see why people may struggle.

When I was pregnant, we didn't know whether we were having a boy or a girl so we're thinking of names for both.

We had a boy's name really early on - about 18 weeks. We had a boy and have him the name we chose.

We never actually settled on a girl's name though! I really wanted Niamh for a girl but our surname begins with N so wasn't sure it went. DH liked the name Niamh but worried she would constantly have to spell it out. We also liked Jessica and Elise but couldn't settle on an order.

I think we would have decided pretty quick once she was born though - would probably have been Niamh Elise.

Yestermo · 07/09/2019 18:11

I struggle choosing what meal I want off a menu. I'm amazed my kids ever got a name.

LittleAndOften · 07/09/2019 18:14

Meh, I don't think this is something to get your knickers in a twist about. We had names for DS1, he was born and didn't suit them, so DH came up with something else there and then. DS2 is due shortly. Given how things happened the first time, we've decided to meet him first and see what suits him. Shocking, isn't it.

missyB1 · 07/09/2019 18:16

Yep we have friends who took 2 weeks to name their dd and six weeks to name their ds (they just got him registered in time). With both children they had known the sex from 20 weeks. They just referred to them as “baby”.
I found it bizarre tbh.

codenameduchess · 07/09/2019 18:21

I read there's a law (rule?) that if the baby isn't named and registered by the cut off, I believe 6 weeks/42 days, a registrar can choose a name and register the child.

I don't know why it takes so long and definitely don't get the 'see what suits' as all baby's look like smooshy potatoes. I have a friend who wouldn't tell anyone what names they were considering and then kept the baby's name secret until she'd arranged a big reveal weeks later... no one cared, the response was so underwhelming for her and her dp who thought the world was waiting for the unveiling of their messiah. Another friend would talk really vaguely and cryptically about the names they liked but refused to say what they actually were, like they were desperate for people to react.

Me and dh had a short list and in my drug addled moments immediately after birth I declared the baby's name.

tallglassof · 07/09/2019 18:22

I don't think its odd at all. Other people's newborns look the same but my own didn't to me. As if parent's didn't have enough shit that they're judged about already

SleepWarrior · 07/09/2019 18:27

I had a list of possible names and then when I had an actual baby sitting there they all just seemed wrong and felt awkward. Finding the time to discuss names then proved much harder when looking after a constantly screaming newborn! I think it took 2 weeks to find and settle on a new name.

WeaselsRising · 07/09/2019 18:28

Our first 3 were named before birth, although we were still arguing over a boys name on the way to the hospital with DC1. Luckily she wasn't a boy and fit the name we'd already chosen.

DC4 had a name right up until 2-3 weeks before he was born at which point DH said "we aren't calling him that" and refused to come up with an alternative that wasn't Roger! He was called The New Baby by everyone until we had to register him. I'm still not really keen on his name and he is 27 years old.

Repeat performance for DC5. Had several names in mind. Put off first because DM couldn't pronounce it properly. Put off second because Isabella was suddenly the name everyone was using. DH totally vetoed the other two names I loved and again wouldn't come up with anything. Took a couple of weeks to find something else and again her name doesn't feel as right as DC1, 2 and 3. (and frustratingly no bugger pronounces it right, so could have stuck to first choice, plus it's horribly popular where we live now)

HabbyHadno · 07/09/2019 18:29

I'm usually a very decisive person but my first two kids I struggled to name and to be honest we chose the wrong name for our second because we were running out of time to register. The third we had a name right away.

lyralalala · 07/09/2019 18:32

We took 3 weeks to name DD4. She was meant to be a boy (not sure how the sonographer got it wrong that way round) plus my SIL and 3 close friends had all had girls just weeks before us so choosing a girls name was hard. We picked one then a few days letter there was a big crime all over tv and the woman involved had the name we'd picked so it was back to the drawing board again.

I call bull on that. Babies have to be registered by 42 days

They can be registered without a name. Not sure on what the protocol would be, I assume they'd be "Girl Smith" or "Boy Jones" and then you have until they are one to change that, but it can be done.

Booksandwine80 · 07/09/2019 18:37

I have to say YANBU

We had names shortlisted, and when DD was born, within seconds we decided her name-funnily enough the one name we chose really didn’t fit as it didn’t seem to “suit” her

But 4 weeks is ridiculous, poor baby

nanbread · 07/09/2019 18:46

I was extremely busy, stressed and struggling a lot with my MH during pregnancy (and was having a hard time believing my baby would survive as a result after losses) - so decided to leave choosing a name to when my mat leave started. Does that bemuse you?!

DC was born early so I never had any leave before the birth. We felt so much pressure to choose after a week we chose the "wrong" name. I wish we'd taken our time and ignored all the "bemused" people hassling us.

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