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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know how to let this go

73 replies

Dishwashersaurous · 07/09/2019 16:38

A few months ago we were invited to a child free wedding of good friends. We hadn’t left both children overnight before

We knew about the wedding eight months before so we asked mil if she would come up and look after the children for 24hrs. We have never asked her to babysit in seven years and she always says that she really wants to help

She agreed and we talked about it extensively on multiple occasions over the next few months.

Then three weeks before dh was talking to her on regular call and said see you in three weeks. She responded with what are you talking about? The wedding. What wedding? She then point blank said that she had never agreed to anything and she didn’t want to do it.

When we next saw her again she again denied agreeing to anything. But she did and we had multiple conversations about it.

So she completely lied to our faces. There was no reason given just that she didn’t want to. Youngest child is three so not a baby.

My issue is that obviously I have to continue to see her and listen to her saying that she really wants to help. But I am so angry about being lied to and that she hasn’t apologised or even acknowledged any wrongdoing. Dh just says that she made a mistake let’s forget about it

So aibu in not knowing how to move on? And if so what do I do.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 07/09/2019 16:44

Hard to explain. Is this completely out of character for her? What did/will you do about childcare?

Original poster
Dishwashersaurous · 07/09/2019 16:47

My mum rearranged her plans and stepped up so that we could go.

We never ask anything of her

OP posts:
BritWifeinUSA · 07/09/2019 16:47

She may genuinely have no recollection of it. Does she have any other memory problems?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 07/09/2019 16:49

I'd be more concerned about the memory loss tbh.

Original poster
Dishwashersaurous · 07/09/2019 16:49

It was written in her diary and on her calendar and we must have had ten or more conversations about it

No other memory problems

OP posts:
PositiveVibez · 07/09/2019 16:50
Original poster
Dishwashersaurous · 07/09/2019 16:51

It’s really clear that she didn’t forget but just didn’t want to do it and was saying forgot as excuse.

She had nothing else on that weekend so no reason that she couldn’t have done it if she genuinely had forgotten

OP posts:
Booboooo · 07/09/2019 16:54

I feel for ya. On the rare occassions i ask the mother in law shebwill reluctantly say yes but tell me something amazing was on that night but she'll give it up so we can ho out!!!!! She means bingo or thr cinema. Hardly once in a life time events. Im suprised she didnt still do it tho! Id serve seeing her for abit.

cinders15 · 07/09/2019 16:59

I'm afraid close relations can do this
My mum kept on and on about she was looking forward to our child (IVF) but in reality she never even changed her nappy - kept saying - no, you do that - and the longest they looked after her was 20 minutes - and when we came back I realised that that had been too long - scissors and tablets within easy reach
A shame and I was quite resentful as she kept on the pretence of "when she comes to stay" but that never happened
La la land really

cushioncovers · 07/09/2019 17:09

Feel for you op. Pretty shitty behaviour to pretend to have forgotten

KUGA · 07/09/2019 17:12

Send her a wedding card for her birthday,then say ooops I got mixed up.
She will get the message.

NailsNeedDoing · 07/09/2019 17:30

I don't think I'd be able to forget that easily either.

You can choose to forgive her, as in you'll continue to see her and be polite, but not forget. It will probably be best to remember that she can't be relied upon and is dishonest so you don't get caught out again.

It would probably help if your dh acknowledged that it really wasn't a mistake, even if he doesn't want to create a drama out of it with her.

Original poster
Dishwashersaurous · 07/09/2019 17:42

So she is supposed to be staying next week, whilst attending event nearby, and dh now has to be out of the country for work.

I have to entertain her by myself, previously have left it to dh and nodded and smiled.

Given as I am still so angry how do I keep myself calm?

OP posts:
Motherinlawsdung · 07/09/2019 17:50

Don’t bother nodding and smiling. Don’t entertain her. Let her find her own entertainment.

Jupiters · 07/09/2019 17:51

I have to entertain her by myself, previously have left it to dh and nodded and smiled.

Why do you have to entertain her?!

PapayaCoconut · 07/09/2019 17:51

Given as I am still so angry how do I keep myself calm?

Don't let her in when she arrives and tell her you never agreed to her staying, what on earth is she talking about? Grin

AvengerDanvers95 · 07/09/2019 17:52

Make plans all of next week because you forgot.she was coming.

GiveMeHope103 · 07/09/2019 17:53

Firstly I think yabu to have even asked someone who hasnt babysat your kids in 7 years alone to have done so. Let alone overnight, what were yourll thinking
Other than that I'm not sure what else you can do to let it go.

Abracad · 07/09/2019 17:53

Just say you forgotshe was coming to stay and have made other plans.

Windydaysuponus · 07/09/2019 17:55

Be out.
Door locked.
Phone off.
Dh can sort her a B&B...

ThanosSavedMe · 07/09/2019 17:57

As pp said. Make your own plans for next week. You never agreed to host her, your dh dud and he’s away, you’ve got better things to do.

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 07/09/2019 18:04

She wouldn't be staying at my house that's for sure. Or go stay with your mum while she stays at yours. Cheek of her

EnglishRose13 · 07/09/2019 18:12

What did she say when she realised it was on her calendar?

OurChristmasMiracle · 07/09/2019 18:20

I’d message her and say “sorry DH has been called away for work and as a result I will not be able to host you”

simplekindoflife · 07/09/2019 18:23

What a horrible thing to do.

Oh revenge OP! Deny all knowledge she's coming and go out that day. Turn your phone off. Say you'd forgotten she was staying. Taste of her own medicine.