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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

They gave the job I accepted to someone else

73 replies

DettolElephant · 07/09/2019 09:33

So a couple of weeks ago, I accepted a job offer (I am a nanny). I was very excited to start and they were equally as happy that I accepted. After reading my CV and references Lindsay was very keen to see me, apologised when a potential meeting fell through because she wouldn't get home on time but reiterated that she still definitely wants it to happen and whenever I had time again to please let her know. So off to a good start I thought as shes showing so much interest before the initial interview even.
Long story short, we meet & the interview is amazing, she tells me that she wants me, asks if she has much competition and is very keen for me to meet her husband who was away at the time. I go the next day and it just feels like an extension of the day before. They both tell me they'd like for me to look after their daughter and when can I let them know the answer? I still have a few interviews (& a few job offers already on the table) so tell them once I've had those I will let them know. They know my rate right from the start and have no qualms with it. They call me 3 times to make sure we're both happy with the set up. Adam, the husband even called me whilst at the airport to discuss the small concerns I had & we iron them out whilst he is waiting for his flight. I end up accepting their offer because they seemed like such a genuine and nice family who were willing to negotiate to accommodate their nanny & their keenness sold me.
Lindsay calls my references and says they were all amazing, I already know this because they told me. (I have great relationships with all the families I have worked for) & is looking forward to having me. I go and look after the little one for half a day just as a little warming period and L & A seem just as lovely as ever & nothing seems amiss. When the stand in nanny comes for handover, she says "I'm sure you'll get the job, she only has 1 more person to interview" Huh??? I've already got the job! She says she must have made a mistake but alarm bells are ringing now. I message them the next day to ask when I will be receiving my contract and they reply that they've been so busy they'll get back to me asap.
2 days pass and Adam calls and tells me that they found someone with a lower rate who has accepted the job. I was stunned. 1 because they offered me the job and I accepted it. I didn't dream that or their excitement once I accepted. 2. They knew my rate from the start, we negotiated and were both happy, or so I thought. 3. Who does that!?
I'm so shocked but try to negotiate again so that it's cheaper for them, maybe they'll still have me. (Wrong, I know) They came back to me the next day with the same answer.
They behaved as if I was just a nanny in the running and I knew it was between this other person and myself. I have the texts, emails etc to prove it and they even made a whatsapp group for us! I removed myself from it once they told me what they'd done.
No apology, only sorry that 'I didn't get it this time' and Lindsay who was the main point of contact went radio silent and left it all down to Adam.

So now I am back to the drawing board after rejecting other jobs in favour of theirs. Would I be U to send them a text message letting them know how wrong of them it was to do that? Or do I just leave it alone?

Thanks in advance

(Names were fakes ofcourse)

OP posts:
Original poster
DettolElephant · 07/09/2019 09:34

Oops, sorry for the lack of spaced paragraphs!!

OP posts:
BanginChoons · 07/09/2019 09:37

They are out of order but I feel you have had a lucky escape. They are treating you as a commodity not a person.

BlueJava · 07/09/2019 09:38

Unfortunately it happens (in other jobs too). YABU for starting without a contract in place. Until there's a contract that's signed they can go back on anything. Sorry OP, it's tough but there's nothing you can do.

Abstractedobstructed · 07/09/2019 09:42

But you did the same, you told them you had more interviews to come and so left them thinking you might accept a role elsewhere, so they continued interviewing themselves. Put yourself in their shoes: they saw a great person but she said she couldn't confirm until she had had further interviews and would then let them know. If you had accepted the job from a later interview you'd have left them up shit Creek with no paddle. I think in this case you were "hoist with your own petard".

Next time you are offered a job that you really want, maybe withdraw from other interviews? And let the employers know that you are committed? Otherwise both of you are still open to "a better offer" - which in this case is what the family got.

notacooldad · 07/09/2019 09:42

It's not much help to you now but I would think you are lucky you found out now what they are like, I suspect they would be difficult to work for if this is how the behaviour right at the beginning of things!

katewhinesalot · 07/09/2019 09:42

Not much you can do but I'd be sending a very curt email about how unprofessional they have been and that you've rejected other jobs because of them.

Then be thankful that you've had a lucky escape.

RhiWrites · 07/09/2019 09:45

@Abstractedobstructed I think you missed the part where she accepted this role and turned down the other offers. Maybe you were abstracted?

TheABC · 07/09/2019 09:45

Chalk it up as a learning experience and never consider a job offer final until the ink is dry on the contracts. I would also caution you against lowering your rates unless you are wildly uncompetitive. I hope you find a better offer soon.

PleasedToSeeYou · 07/09/2019 09:46

Walk away. I think you have had a lucky escape
I'm sorry you've been messed around but it's their loss

whattodo2019 · 07/09/2019 09:47

Sounds like you had a lucky escape!

Mythreefavouritethings · 07/09/2019 09:47

That’s awful but the fact they can turn the charm on and off like that suggests you have just had a very lucky escape. It sounds as though you are well respected in your field and your references will go a long way towards matching you with the family you deserve, and who would appreciate you. I would avoid any further contact - they are someone else’s problem now. Poor little girl though.

HermioneWeasley · 07/09/2019 09:47

Do you have anything in writing - a text, anything? If so, I’d be writing to them asking for your week’s notice pay since you’ve turned down other offers to work for them.

Waytooearly · 07/09/2019 09:51

Elements of contract: offer, acceptance, privity, and consideration. You don't need a piece of paper.

Figure out an amount you've wasted in relying on this contact (time spent looking after their little one, time you could have been spending looking for actual work) and take them to small claims court.

Take your profession seriously. How fucking dare they.

Abstractedobstructed · 07/09/2019 09:51

@RhiWrites
It wouldn't be my first abstracted episode, lol.

It doesn't say she withdrew from other interviews though?
If you did, and that was clear, then yeah, shitty behaviour on their part.

GameChange123 · 07/09/2019 09:52

Bullet dodged OP!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 07/09/2019 09:54

Did they find you through an agency? Maybe speak to them and let them know what has happened.

Peregrina · 07/09/2019 09:56

It might be worth contacting the others that you turned down, to say that you have unexpectedly become available again, if they would still wish to consider you. Then chalk this one up to experience.

Elodie2019 · 07/09/2019 09:57

Write it off.
I'm going to bet Lyndsey and Adam will be spending a lot of time over the next few years interviewing new nannies.
Dodged a bullet.

MRex · 07/09/2019 09:57

I agree you should send them an invoice for your time as you were working under an assumed contract.

Waytooearly · 07/09/2019 09:58

Not an assumed contract, an actual contract!

WeeDangerousSpike · 07/09/2019 09:59

I think they behaved badly, but like a pp I was a bit Confused when you said you told them you still had other interviews to do when they were offering you a job. Whether they were offering you a job and then decided on your response to continue interviewing, or they were interviewing all along and you misinterpreted the 'offer' I don't know.

LIZS · 07/09/2019 09:59

Bet the new one doesn't last. They sound like difficult employers.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/09/2019 10:05

Do you have an email offering you the job or one for a trial and they’d “like you” to take the job? The former sounds like an offer. The latter is one designed to think it’s an offer. If the former then you could look at taking them to small claims but they may tarnish your name in the process.

I agree with others, lucky escape.

Waytooearly · 07/09/2019 10:05

People, read! OP said at first that she was interviewing, they discussed terms more and then she subsequently accepted the offer!

Nothing needs to be in writing, this is a contract.

BlockedAndDeleted · 07/09/2019 10:06

Awww, that sucks, I can well understand how upsetting this must be.

I was lucky to learn this lesson v early on in my career when I was a receptionist.

A senior manager was offered a position in another organisation. He handed on his notice before signing a contract with the new firm.

They withdrew the offer, and his old job wouldn’t let him retract his notice.

He was fucked.

Since then, I’ve never thought of myself as being offered a job before it’s all signed sealed and delivered.