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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

They gave the job I accepted to someone else

73 replies

DettolElephant · 07/09/2019 09:33

So a couple of weeks ago, I accepted a job offer (I am a nanny). I was very excited to start and they were equally as happy that I accepted. After reading my CV and references Lindsay was very keen to see me, apologised when a potential meeting fell through because she wouldn't get home on time but reiterated that she still definitely wants it to happen and whenever I had time again to please let her know. So off to a good start I thought as shes showing so much interest before the initial interview even.
Long story short, we meet & the interview is amazing, she tells me that she wants me, asks if she has much competition and is very keen for me to meet her husband who was away at the time. I go the next day and it just feels like an extension of the day before. They both tell me they'd like for me to look after their daughter and when can I let them know the answer? I still have a few interviews (& a few job offers already on the table) so tell them once I've had those I will let them know. They know my rate right from the start and have no qualms with it. They call me 3 times to make sure we're both happy with the set up. Adam, the husband even called me whilst at the airport to discuss the small concerns I had & we iron them out whilst he is waiting for his flight. I end up accepting their offer because they seemed like such a genuine and nice family who were willing to negotiate to accommodate their nanny & their keenness sold me.
Lindsay calls my references and says they were all amazing, I already know this because they told me. (I have great relationships with all the families I have worked for) & is looking forward to having me. I go and look after the little one for half a day just as a little warming period and L & A seem just as lovely as ever & nothing seems amiss. When the stand in nanny comes for handover, she says "I'm sure you'll get the job, she only has 1 more person to interview" Huh??? I've already got the job! She says she must have made a mistake but alarm bells are ringing now. I message them the next day to ask when I will be receiving my contract and they reply that they've been so busy they'll get back to me asap.
2 days pass and Adam calls and tells me that they found someone with a lower rate who has accepted the job. I was stunned. 1 because they offered me the job and I accepted it. I didn't dream that or their excitement once I accepted. 2. They knew my rate from the start, we negotiated and were both happy, or so I thought. 3. Who does that!?
I'm so shocked but try to negotiate again so that it's cheaper for them, maybe they'll still have me. (Wrong, I know) They came back to me the next day with the same answer.
They behaved as if I was just a nanny in the running and I knew it was between this other person and myself. I have the texts, emails etc to prove it and they even made a whatsapp group for us! I removed myself from it once they told me what they'd done.
No apology, only sorry that 'I didn't get it this time' and Lindsay who was the main point of contact went radio silent and left it all down to Adam.

So now I am back to the drawing board after rejecting other jobs in favour of theirs. Would I be U to send them a text message letting them know how wrong of them it was to do that? Or do I just leave it alone?

Thanks in advance

(Names were fakes ofcourse)

OP posts:
Simkin · 07/09/2019 10:08

I would send them a polite and formal letter setting out events exactly as they happened and pointing out that they have broken a contract with you. After that you can put in a small claim through the court if you want/need, but just telling them might make you feel better. They might apologise (something tells me they won't).

Similar happened to me once, in a different job type entirely, and the guy write a panicky letter back saying I was right and he was reviewing his recruitment policy. Obvs I didn't want to work for him after that anyway.

cccameron · 07/09/2019 10:08

I think they were probably pissed off if when things went so well and they offered you the job that you said you would let them know after you had been to interviews for further positions. It's a bit of a slap in the face really isn't it. Sounds like you're saying to them I'll accept if I don't find anything better. I do think they acted badly though, getting a free afternoon childcare out of you under false pretences is awful and I'd invoice them for it.

stuffedpeppers · 07/09/2019 10:14

Sorry - the attitude of some people here, really does not take Nannying ( for want of a bed term) seriously.
There seems to be a lucky escape and yABU not to have a written contract in place.

There was a contract - offer and acceptance and now you need to charge for your time OP. Small claims court very good at this sort of thing. This is the same as parents who do not pay the NI and do the tax properly.

Piffle11 · 07/09/2019 10:15

Maybe they wanted you to forgo the other interviews and accept them straight away, I don't know. Perhaps the other interviewee was just as good as you, but cheaper … again, I don't know. But anyone who employs someone to look after their child and goes for the cheapest option isn't someone I'd want to be working for! I bet their friendly, easy-going nature disappears as soon as the permanent employment starts. The fact that you worked for them for that little taster session would indicate to me that the job was yours: I really do think this is financially motivated - you clearly were perfect for the job. I think I'd chalk this up to experience and leave it alone - you're not going to get any satisfaction out of this couple.

BloggersBlog · 07/09/2019 10:16

I bet you will be getting some form of contact from them soon when the new nanny doesnt work out!

Motoko · 07/09/2019 10:20

I think you should definitely ask for remuneration for the morning you worked for them.

nettie434 · 07/09/2019 10:22

I agree you should charge Lindsay and Adam for the half day but they sound absolutely dreadful. Thank goodness they didn’t send you a contract - otherwise you’d probably be working out your notice now. Good luck finding some better employers.

User344772734481882445 · 07/09/2019 10:28

That's awful OP :(

Sounds like a lucky escape though ...

Sunshinelollipops1 · 07/09/2019 10:31

Walk away. Lucky escape. We’ve always had Nannies (current one been with us 3 years), but the stories I have heard from them about other employers are shocking.

Definitely always be wary of he incredibly charming ones who promise you the earth.

katewhinesalot · 07/09/2019 10:34

Presumably the trial day was to see whether you were suitable so they could still get out of the "contract" at that point. If there are further positive communications after that, then yes I'd charge them for the weeks notice and go through the small claims court if they don't pay up.

Tonnerre · 07/09/2019 10:50

But you did the same, you told them you had more interviews to come and so left them thinking you might accept a role elsewhere, so they continued interviewing themselves

No, she didn't. She accepted the job and turned down other offers.

You're entitled to claim for your expenses, the time you spent working and your loss of wages while you look for an alternative job. Even if you don't pursue it through the courts, I'd suggest you at least notify them of the claim - not least to stop them messing other people around in the same way in future.

RhiWrites · 07/09/2019 10:51

@Abstractedobstructed

It’s there, I promise!

I end up accepting their offer because they seemed like such a genuine and nice family who were willing to negotiate to accommodate their nanny & their keenness sold me.

So now I am back to the drawing board after rejecting other jobs in favour of theirs.

NearlyGranny · 07/09/2019 11:02

Call me cynical, but I can't help wondering just how many free half days' or days' work the delightful duo tricked honest applicants into providing.

That at least should be paid for!

Hard lesson learned but bullet dodged, and no, you were not hoist by your own petard, you were straight with them.

If they ever get back to you, be sure to say no and tell them why. If you have a nanny WhatsApp or other sm group, be sure to alert everyone to this scam. For scam it was, I think.

Original poster
DettolElephant · 07/09/2019 11:12

Thanks everyone for your input. I'm definitely going to look at claiming or at least notifying them of this. I should mention that I was paid for the half day I looked after their daughter but only after I asked for it.

As others have pointed out, I accepted the position only after I went to and subsequently turned down the others. We were both still in the interviewing process at this time and Lindsay told me she still had a few more people to see but that she wanted me. I accepted the position 3 days later. Her interviews had also come to an end at that point.

Also probably helpful to add that we negotiated a very small ratio of part cash payment. I made a passing comment about most families I have come across wanting to pay huge sums of cash and I'd rather not do that. She jumped on that and asked me to think about it. I said I'd rather not but will have a think. I was so fed up of job hunting at that point (looking for 6 months & lost out on a job because I wouldn't take 80:20 cash/bank transfer) and they seemed such a nice family I said ok. I get good employers and they get a little bit of a break. We met in the middle.

When they told me they had given it to someone with a lower rate I tried to negotiate again with a higher cash portion (I know!) Adam said Lindsay is a lawyer so isn't comfortable with doing that. I know of course that it is wrong & I am not comfortable with it either but most families ask for it and it seems nannies can't find a job without accepting this! They were also fine with it at first and it was Lindsay, 'the lawyer' who asked for me to consider it in the first place. They also asked for a bigger ratio than I was happy to accept before we negotiated it down.

OP posts:
Simkin · 07/09/2019 11:15

If she is a lawyer and you've been paid, I would back far far away from this. They are dodgy and entitled as hell. If you can get weird round they are to be avoided without it damaging your own reputation do that, otherwise you are not going to win with these people. Sorry. You are absolutely in the right here and they are fuckers. Flowers

EmmiJay · 07/09/2019 11:16

I hope Lindsay posts on here and sees what a shitty thing she's done tbh. You dodged the biggest bullet I feel.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 07/09/2019 11:20

If this is how they behave inside the first week or two of knowing them you can guarantee it would have got much, much worse over the following months. As unkind as they were, you've had a lucky escape.

They were BU, you know this, they probably know this, but I doubt you'll get an apology or an acknowledgement from them. Chalk it up to experience and find a lovely family to work with.

C8H10N4O2 · 07/09/2019 11:20

I'm so shocked but try to negotiate again so that it's cheaper for them, maybe they'll still have me. (Wrong, I know) They came back to me the next day with the same answer

I agree with those saying you dodged a bullet. The cheaper nanny may not even exist. Good nannies are in short supply and if they can't afford one they need to look at alternative options just like everyone else.

Did they send you a contract or was it just verbal? Its certainly reasonable to try and claim back costs.

I wonder how often they let clients barter down after an agreement in their own line of business?

Butchyrestingface · 07/09/2019 11:21

Dodged a bullet. 🔫

Chocolatedaim · 07/09/2019 11:26

Oh OP that’s shit, sadly not uncommon. I’m a CM but have lots of lovely nanny friends and we are in a big WhatsApp group, there are probably about 30 of us and some of the things the nannies experience really anger me.
You will find a lovely family, in the mean time have you thought about signing up to an agency to keep you earning?

Grandmi · 07/09/2019 11:37

Agree with elodie...you dodged a bullet!!

Vanhi · 07/09/2019 11:37

Their tactics remind me of when abusive people love bomb in a relationship and I would be wary of it for similar reasons. You've dodged a bullet OP. I leave them to it. Good luck in your job hunt.

Blamangeme · 07/09/2019 11:37

Well OP if they treated you like that at this stage then you're best off at out of that one- they have done you a favour. Don't be surprised if they contact you later when the other one bolts then you can tell them where to go (politely of course!) Just make sure you have any future job offers in writing. Wasnt meant to be and if you've got great refs etc hopefully a family that appreciates you will be along soon.

milliefiori · 07/09/2019 11:38

Don't be scared off because she's a lawyer. As she well knows she is in breach of contract with you. If you have proof via text or email of proposed start dates' you accepting the offer, them being delighted etc then you can sue them.

Bluntness100 · 07/09/2019 11:44

Just walk away op, looks like they were trying to lock you in whilst still looking and they found someone they prefer. It's shit, they know it's shit. Move on, nothing more can be gained from staying in contact.

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