To think that if you snore, you shouldn’t mind being woken up

[IFuckingHateSnoring]

DH is a wonderful husband, but his snoring is killing me. I mean that literally as the lack of sleep is really taking its toll on my health.

Instead he gets really cross when I wake him up for the 50th time and says that I should just learn to sleep through it. He simply won’t go to the doctor about it; I think he’s ashamed.

I think he sounds like a pig gargling and it makes me alternately sad and furious as I lose hour after hour of precious sleep.

I know it’s going to end up with separate bedrooms, which I hate but it’s going to be essential for my sanity. But we are at his mother’s this weekend and there is no other spare room and it’s awful! (I can’t use ear plugs or an iPod or something yet as our DC are too young and might cry out for us, so I need to be able to hear them. Having such young DC is another thing that makes the lack of sleep so hard to cope with!)

So, who IBU? Should I stop waking him and suck it up, or should he apologise and try to stay awake until I am asleep?

He is being very unreasonable.
He is damaging your health and his own.
Snoring is something he should take seriously and see his gp.

Sharing your bed with a snorer is hell. But waking him up every five minutes won’t solve anything. Insist he goes to the GP, and if he refuses, tell him he must move into the spare room.

Why is snoring damaging his own Heath?

I think DH should be in another room. OH snores too, but not badly. We sleep in separate rooms (baby in with me as bf, he shares with other D). It's great, even though baby DC wakes me up a lot. I am not looking forward to having to share a bed with him again to be honest. Just do separate rooms. Loads of people do it.

Half the population snore, there is no cure.

Yay to separate rooms, he can’t help it.

Spare rooms or get rid. Ex DP is an ex for this very reason . He absolutely refused to do anything about it and I couldn't cope with sleep deprivation any more

Sleep apnea is a health condition that causes snoring, so worth checking out with gp.

I sometimes get annoyed when DH wakes me, just because I'm half asleep and insensible!

In the cold light of day I get it. Doesn't mean it's not bloody annoying at the time.

He should go to the gp but there's nothing wrong with separate rooms

Snoring can be a symptom of sleep apnoea.

Earplugs in, sleep through and your DH will have to get up for your DC if needed

Hibu not to see a gp about his snoring.

Yabu to keep waking him.

He needs to do something about it as you’ll both just get more and more fed up with it.

We’re both snorers. Mine due to sleep apnoea and I wear a mask now which almost entirely stops etc. DH is only if he’s on his back but I don’t wake him as it doesn’t stop me sleeping.

I hear where you’re coming from as snoring is awful and I couldn’t stand to share a bedroom with a heavy snorer, but constantly waking your husband isn’t going to solve the problem. I’d be annoyed of someone was waking me up regularly in the night for something I wasn’t doing intentionally and had no control over.

I think the obvious solution is separate rooms, it’s not worth the misery and lack of sleep of sharing with a snorer and lying awake. Ideally he would go to the GP but there’s no magic cure for snoring so it’s likely they wouldn’t be able to do anything about it - lifestyle changes can help (losing weight, quitting smoking, avoiding alcohol) but only if your DP is open to them.

Can you not wear headphones/ earplugs and have your DP listen out for the children in case they wake in the night?

My dh is snoring like a pig at the moment because he’s got a cold. I keep nudging him and it stops for a while but of course I’m lying there awake for ages and he swears he doesn’t snore. I videoed him in the dark and played it back to him the next day. He had to admit that yep, that was him snoring. It didn’t solve the issue but it made me feel better, I wasn’t bloody well awake in the middle of the night and moaning for the fun of it.

Have you ever recorded his snoring? Easy done with your phone. My DH had a similar attitude to yours... until I played him some recordings!
Now he has those funny little nose plaster strips & and some special spray. He also walks a lot more as plenty of fresh air seems to help as well!! Although he is not completely cured life is sooo much better now.

I prod mine and he stops without waking. It's an art.

YANBU! You need your sleep as you have young children and it's pretty miserable being expected to lie awake with a chainsaw running.

Pretty miserable for him being shaken awake, too, but the solution is in his hands, so don't stop until he's taken action. If he grumbles and grouses, three words on rinse and repeat: see the doctor.

Telling you to "learn" to sleep through his snoring would infuriate me, as it's not something "learnable". You might eventually get used to it, but probably not.

By the same token, waking him isn't helping anything, either (aside from maybe giving you a moment's peace and perhaps a bit of revenge, since you're no longer the only one who's miserable).

The only suggestions I can think of have already been made. Ultimately, if he won't/can't reduce his snoring, separate rooms might be the most effective solution. (Assuming you have the room...) Lots of couples swear by it, even if snoring isn't a problem.

It's highly unlikely that there's anything the GP can do but if you suspect sleep apnoea it would be worth him trying. YABU to keep waking him up. You're achieving nothing by doing it as he clearly snores again as soon as he falls asleep.

My own DP is a terrible, terrible snorer and as he can't help it and it's not his fault, I don't wake him. There's no point - as his snoring isn't affected by the position he sleeps in, he'll just start snoring again when he falls asleep again anyway. I have now got to the point where I mostly don't mind the noise but if it's too much I put earbuds in and listen to a soothing audiobook. It doesn't drown it out but it just gives you something else to focus on listening too and you fall asleep. I doubt it would stop you hearing your kids, either.

I don’t think it’s fair to wake him nor do I think it’s fair for him to involuntary keep you awake but refuse to do anything. Does any sleep position stop it? Could you go separate rooms until he goes gp? Or get him nasal strips?

Separate rooms in this house with "visitation" works for us - married 31 years 💗

It's not fair to always wake him up.

But he's really out of order to know it prevents you sleeping and then choosing to do nothing about it, not see the GP. That's really not a pleasant trait and quite selfishm

If he thinks you can "learn" to sleep through his snoring, turn it around on him and tell him to "learn" to stop snoring.

I snore - a lot - and he should go to his GP to find out why he snores.
He could try throat sprays, anithistamines, a mouth guard, firmer pillows, lose a bit of weight if he's overweight, drink less alcohol,
sleep on his side instead of his back or tummy - there really are lots of things that might help.

And if he does have sleep apnoea, he needs to be checked to see if he's at risk of falling asleep during the day while driving (if you measure over a certain level on the apnoea scale, you're meant to let the DVLA know)

Of course he cannot control it but he has every ability to sort it out. There are plenty of solutions now to stop snoring and it’s selfish of him not to bother with any of them.

It’s well known that most of those things don’t work.