To not know what to do?

[Dataffee]

So I posted about this today but I accidentally deleted my login.

So I'll make this long story short.

So yesterday me and DP were talking about ttc but then he said something like I hope to be a proper dad this time. I asked him what he meant and he said nothing and to forget he said anything. He told me this morning that when he was 19/20 he had a son (now he would be 3/4) but his ex stopped him from seeing his son and moved away with her new boyfriend

He said he didn't tell me because he doesn't see his son anyway and his son probably calls someone else dad anyway

From my advice earlier I'm rethinking my plans to ttc

Advice?

I was thinking of telling him parents because I know if I had a son and he became a dad I'd want to know.

And I was thinking of messaging his ex to get her side because he could be lying about her not letting him see his son etc

It's not for you to tell his parents, although if you decide to stay with him, you could make it a condition that he informs his parents himself.

I'm your position I would also be considering contacting his ex to find out her side of the story. Although the fact that you are considering this shows that you have lost trust with this man and your relationship is probably not going to last long term. The fall out from this will either be she tells you things from a different POV resulting in you either believing this and finishing the relationship; you discovering a half truth resulting in further arguments in your relationship- resulting in end of relationship. Or the unlikely event she says that his non contact was all down to her and he was telling the truth - you've lost the trust anyway.

Run like the wind. You know this is a really terrible sign.

And I was thinking of messaging his ex to get her side because he could be lying about her not letting him see his son etc

I would want to know this too.

Even if he’s being honest about it all I would sill need to seriously consider whether I could have a relationship with someone who abandoned their own child.

I was thinking of telling him parents because I know if I had a son and he became a dad I'd want to know.

Please think about the child before you take any steps that could lead to people barrelling into his life.

This isn’t about you, or his parents, or even your partner really. It’s about a small person. Whilst your partner hasn’t given a single toss about his son in any of his decisions please ensure you do.

Deal with your relationship issue between you two, but don’t bring the child into it.

Sounds like you want to whip up the drama of this by contacting everyone else. Are you always so controlling and wanting to be the centre of attention OP?

Why would you want children with him before being married after finding this out?

No. But you certainly can tell him that him telling his parents is a condition of continuing your relationship with him.

Has he contacted the mother yet? As far as what to say, it's simple: "I'm sorry. I was wrong to walk away from our son. I would like to start paying maintenance and I would like to see him. Please let me know how you would like us to go about this". No excuses, no demands. An apology and a request. Simple.