To think that ‘alternative’ parenting styles really aren’t that unusual?

[TinyMystery]

I’m in a few Facebook groups for BLW, baby-wearing, cloth nappies, breastfeeding etc. (Which I mostly ignore unless I have a specific question about something.) I’ve noticed that people seem to love making a drama about how different, or even objectionable, other people find their choices. Maybe I just live in a complete bubble but I have never had a funny look or any comments about any of these things. Most people own at least a Baby Bjorn carrier these days, don’t they? Health visitors usually recommend baby led weaning or at least offering finger foods early on? Breast feeding is possibly a slightly more ‘controversial’ topic in public but is still pretty mainstream? And I’ve only ever had positive comments about DS’ cloth nappies.

AIBU to think that people just like drama or to feel special?

I agree. Especially the breastfeeding - most mums I knew were breastfeeding, I was combination feeding, but one mum who I met at baby group - where most of the mums were or had breastfed - and then had as a friend on Facebook constantly went on about breastfeeding and ‘normalising breastfeeding’ and trying to promote breastfeeding as though she was the only one doing it .

i believe is raising your dc in the way you feel best and right for the child. there is no need for the performance parenting and dramas. it's entitled, tacky and pathetic.

Yeah, the only one of those that wasn't specifically recommended to me by the HV was the cloth nappies, and that was recommended to me by the cheeky cow at the council when I asked if it was possible to get a bigger bin

Cultural differences sometimes feel very "alternative"

I agree.
Most people don't give a shit what you do. I certainly don't give a shit what others do.
I breastfeed and other than a couple of friendly smiles, no one has ever paid any attention. Mine started with finger foods and mostly fed themselves but because I'd spoonfeed them wet and messy things it's not baby led weaning. I just call it weaning.

Ignore it -they're just attention seeking.

Yes and no, those things are normal but people are still judgemental. The normalise breastfeeding campaign is about supporting mothers as many don't feel confident enough to feed in public and many people still ask when mothers are going to stop feeding. I have read people on here saying mothers should not breast feed their toddlers when actually it's natural. Similarly with baby slings. I overheard someone on the bus the other day complaining about slings saying how wrong they were and again on here people were saying toddlers shouldn't be in a sling.
So yes it's normal but many people still don't think it is

Maybe they live somewhere where they are the odd one's out?
All those things are normal to me but I know I live in a bubble (Brighton)

So yes it's normal but many people still don't think it is

I don’t think it is ‘many’ though - these instances are quite rare which is why they get a lot of attention when they do occur. There will always be the occasional idiot who says things like that - if someone told me I should stop breastfeeding or that I shouldn’t use a baby carrier I wouldn’t give them the time of day. I don’t think it takes that much resilience to ignore a stupid comment like that when the majority of people are doing the same thing as you and it is seen by most as normal.

This is so true my SIL buzzes off of telling anyone who will listen about using cloth nappies. One day I will shout NO1 GIVES A FUCK!

I agree. I've BF all three of my kids. None have ever had formula. DS 1 fed for 15 months, DD1 fed for 22months and I'm still feeding DD2.

Never had a weird look or negative comment. And I've fed everywhere! Wales around supermarkets with one boob hanging out and a baby latched on.

I'm on the same groups you mention. And to be honest I find the BF groups some of the most unsupportive and negative places ever. If you don't agree with the collective it's horrendous.

Heard on the radio twice in 2 days as the speaker was making a big announcement 'unpopular opinion !', like if that makes them special, rebel, unique...

I think it depends where you live. The midwives and health visitors here had never met anyone else using cloth nappies!

Baby led weaning has been popular for years now, ds1 is nearly 9 and it was a thing then. Babywearing is becoming more mainstream too but a few years ago it was quite unusual and in my area it still is past the first couple of months.

The only place I have had ‘a look’ from someone whilst breastfeeding was at a golf club recently (and tbh they are exactly the kind of sexist, racist, tory hellhole I’d expect to get ‘a look’ and I wouldn’t have chosen to be there) and I just ignored it. It’s there issue, not mine. No need to get all upset and do a big Facebook rant.

OP we were just discussing this very thing at toddler group yesterday. I agree with you 100%. There seems to be a group of people who love labeling everything they do. Even when people speak about "co sleeping " they try to make it an issue when in reality almost every parent of a young child ends up sharing the bed at some stage. It's just it's "bringing the baby into the bed to get some sleep " rather than "we co sleep ". Same with blw.

I'm in the NE and did all of those things nearly 20 years ago with not one single comment. They're just wanting to be edgy but clearly aren't.

*Their 😬😬😬

Agreed. Literally no one cares.

Imo anyone that does have an issue is just projecting their insecurities somewhere along the line.

I remember a lady saying to me "oh that's great, you baby wear too" and I remember thinking what is she banging on about, wearing my baby. Well he's in a sling because I want both hands free. I don't parade him like some kind of accessory.

There's a bloody name for everything.

What I think is a bit of a shame is that these things are so often bundled together to make them into a 'lifestyle' that a lot of people might find off-putting, rather than a series of individual choices that they may or may not find practical. I think it's a shame that my local sling library and my local breastfeeding support group both fill their social media accounts with memes about the evils of sleep training or the importance of gentle parenting since it turns off a lot of people who might actually like their core service. My local breastfeeding group (which I have stayed in the Facebook group for because it sometimes descends into enjoyable drama to observe) the other day had a discussion where it was generally concluded that if you expect your child to sleep through before they're four then you shouldn't have had a child in the first place - how likely is that to encourage the new mother who is exhausted and just wanted a recommendation for nipple cream?

I have had negative comments about all of those things you've mentioned. No drama about it though, just say 'my baby, my choice' and move along. Never thought of my choices as any more different to other peoples choices. As you say, none of it is particularly unusual, but some of us genuinely do negative comments. But I think every way of parenting gets negative comments to be honest, just be glad you haven't come across it personally

I find that people my own age may have similar beliefs about raising babies to me, however I have met a significant amount of resistance, hostility and rudeness from the older generation and older family members of mine who seem to take almost personal offense at my decision to raise my baby differently to how they did. Things like leaving a baby to ‘cry it out’ which my mother for example believed in, and I find objectionable, but which she just won’t respect my decision on. I’ve also had comments about breastfeeding being unnecessary, baby-wearing being dangerous (!), etc etc. I find that this hostility from certain members of certain generations has been experienced by others my own age too. So I think YABU.

With the BLW ones (and I say this as someone who did it, admittedly because I had a spoon refuser, and am glad I did) the common factor when they describe getting hassle from strangers is that they've clearly watched their child make a massive mess that they then walked off and left. That's why they get hassle.

Women have been using reusable nappies, breastfeeding, co-sleeping and baby wearing for hundreds of years. It’s nothing new, different or special. Formula and disposable nappies are new, not the other way around.

We all know one like that; they think they’re the only person to ever give birth and unless you bf until the child is 15 and hand knit socks from the hair of a yak you’re a neglectful parent!

It's all the labels that piss me off. Just get in with it!