To think that ‘alternative’ parenting styles really aren’t that unusual?

[TinyMystery]

I’m in a few Facebook groups for BLW, baby-wearing, cloth nappies, breastfeeding etc. (Which I mostly ignore unless I have a specific question about something.) I’ve noticed that people seem to love making a drama about how different, or even objectionable, other people find their choices. Maybe I just live in a complete bubble but I have never had a funny look or any comments about any of these things. Most people own at least a Baby Bjorn carrier these days, don’t they? Health visitors usually recommend baby led weaning or at least offering finger foods early on? Breast feeding is possibly a slightly more ‘controversial’ topic in public but is still pretty mainstream? And I’ve only ever had positive comments about DS’ cloth nappies.

AIBU to think that people just like drama or to feel special?

I agree to an extent. I've used slings from birth with all 3, breastfeed for years etc and never had as much as a sideways glance.

I say to an extent purely because I recognise that not all experiences are the same. It's a bit like saying sexism doesn't exist because you don't think you have experienced it.

Many do like to feel part of a tribe now, we are pack animals.

Those things are so mainstream now, I am surprised people find it unusual.

The only thing there I would think would even raise an eyebrow is what I will call 'extended breastfeeding' as I think that would get comments from some. As for the rest, I think it would be more the people doing them saying how unique they are and how great it is to push their agenda rather than the people who are not doing them.

I understand promoting breastfeeding to make people feel comfortable and if people are comfortable then great. Saying that, I did get taken aback by someone deciding to breastfeed their nearly 3 year old at a wake, so perhaps there is some judgment from the other side.

when my dc were babies and i was getting all the 'helpful' advice i used to do a lot of smiling and waving then crack on with my own ideas. all 6 made it to adulthood and are functioning humans, hard working, polite and i'm proud of them (smile)

Well, kind of YANBU... but it's like anything, isn't it -people like to be part of a tribe, people like to emphasize their differences, people get very into what they're into (or what is fashionable at the time) and extol its virtues compared with the other alternatives. People do it about diets, sports, tv programmes, whatever. It's human nature.

@Icantthinkofanynewnames

I'm 'older generation'

I breastfed. I owned a baby bjorn. I rarely left my babies to cry.
Obviously I used cloth nappies.

Nothing is new. It's just Parenting.

I was called a hippy and told I was watching to much day time tv when I said I was going to breastfeed my son. I am the only person I know who has breastfed. Other than that comment I never had any negativity until he was older and I was told I’d still be feeding him when he went to school.

I’m going to cloth my baby due in November and people are curious but not really negative. I’ve had a few “oh all that extra work” comments but again it’s not mainstream in my circle so people don’t understand that it’s not all boiling nappies for days and being up to your neck in poo.

YANBU. I don't do much social media and didn't discover Mumsnet until my DS was about 1 so was baffled and did some serious internal eye-rolling when a woman at playgroup started going on about her "babywearing" and her "breastfeeding journey".

I'd been happily doing both without being a pretentious twat about it.

Some (not all) full on baby wearing types think that baby bjorn carriers are child abuse. Or that yoghurt on a spoon totally negates any “baby weaning” efforts. So imagine these types do get eye rolls.

I was walking round with my daughter when she was under 3 months in a wrap and the only time I was stopped by people was when parents - mostly men- with prams asked me about it. My DP gets lots of questions as well when he walks around with DD in a carrier.

Incidentally in my area more and more parents especially those with 2 or more kids are using slings. There as were myself and my partner have been stopped it's near maternity hospitals.

I think these FB groups with their labels scare parents away.

@museumum then they aren't aware Baby Bjorn sells more than one type of carrier.

@museummum I’m sure most of my generation were carried around in ‘crotch danglers’ (I know I was!) and we all seem to be walking around just fine. I know they aren’t the most ergonomic but the way people go on about them is hilarious!

There are pretentious twats about everything to do with parenting, it's not just reserved for breastfeeders, co sleepers and people who wear a sling.

It like the 'Rod for your Back' brigade. Move along please

I have one Facebook friend who constantly bangs on about her ‘alternative’ parenting and seems to encounter at least one total stranger every week who has a go at her in a public place about her daughter’s clothes, her baby sling, breastfeeding and umpteen other things. As I don’t have kids I had no idea how likely this was and took it at face value but then two other mutual friends laughed and told me they have long assumed her to be making it all up because they do all the same things as her (and for a decade longer) and have literally never incurred the wrath of any random stranger about them while out with their kids.

This is all mainstream though.

Yanbu
I had no adverse comments when BFing
A few people were confused when DD still BFd at three but who cares. BF is the norm for our species so I don’t believe in making a big deal out of it

I think they like to believe they are part of some special clique who are superior to other parents because they are doing something very “special”. Meantime the rest of us just get on with parenting our kids without any song or dance about it.

Baby wearing - slings we had those 30 years ago when ds 1 was born.
Baby led weaning - we had finger foods 30 years ago too
BF - see above
Cloth nappies- see above.

This is like saying that sexism/any other bias doesn’t happen because you (one individual) has not experienced it.

I have had several unpleasant interactions while wrapping/wearing and bf my lo’s. From sniggering and a “what the fuck does she look like” comment, to a group of older teens walking behind me and egging each other on to untie my mei tai with my baby on my back, to a half a dozen (over 2 babies) people grabbing at my baby and/or sling whilst wrapping them. And that’s only the negative wrapping interactions I’ve had, not to mention negative bf interactions.

yes I find the fuss some mums make about breastfeeding really attention-seeking. I breastfed three with no problems whatever nearly twenty years ago.

WTF is 'babywearing?'? carryyin the baby in a sling?

It’s wesring a wrap etc in which you carry your child.

“Wear” because for people who would use this definition their sling/wrap/carrier etc is also part of their attire, a way to express themselves through the design and tying method etc of it, in the same way people choose their clothes, to express themselves.

"Most people own at least a Baby Bjorn carrier these days, don’t they?"

Not were i live, in a deprived area of Liverpool. People used to assume that my DD was foriegn because she used a sling.

I use a sling when babysitting. I also get treated as an oddity.

Likewise there was a good number of people who scoffed at her BF and going to baby yoga etc.

So it depends on where you live, who your circle is etc.

Agree. Was talking to my mum about childbirth. She was saying about how when she gave birth she knew to stay as calm as possible, it made it a lot easier and quicker and she just took plenty of deep breaths. That approach from the late 70s and early 80s, which she probably got from her mother, is uncannily similar to hypnobirthing.....

I’m part of a group where I probably help drag the average age down a couple of decades. The older gents there are all fascinated by the fact I carry my baby in a sling and that he happily sleeps in it. But they aren’t rude about it. It’s actually very sweet how much everyone bends to accommodate the fact i’m breastfeeding so often have to bring him along to things.

I totally agree. I don’t get why a) some people have to put a label on everything they do and b) why some people need to feel like they’re doing something in the face of massive opposition from society, when in fact hardly anyone gives a shit.

I and everyone I know who has a baby has some variety of carrier. Because they’re brilliant and convenient and lots of babies love them.

I’ve breastfed all over the place. The reality is, no one cares. There’s no great societal conspiracy to oppose BFing in public. The vast majority of the population couldn’t care less what a stranger is doing with her norks.

I agree to an extent.
It is all normal, but things seem to have highs and lows with decades/generations.
I had my first DC 9 years ago and my second recently.
ten years ago it was convienance of microwave sterilisers that was all the rage and now it's cold water sterilisers around my area and I think they're fantastic, my MIL mentioned they used Milton and I asked why she didn't tell us about this amazing invention and she said she thought it was old and outdated!

I work in a corporate office in central London and when I told them about my birthing plan of water birth and no drugs etc they were all horrified bu it wouldn't say judgemental, it was more a shock as it wasn't the norm in their circles IYSWIM?