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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to refuse to follow my MIL's ridiculous standards of etiquette?

173 replies

daisythedog · 08/08/2007 13:03

I'm not talking please and thank you here. She expects us (meaning husband, me and 2 young children) to follow conventions that would be appropriate for a Jane Austen novel. Do I stand on ceremony purely to stay on her good side, or do I act as I usually do and risk her thinking that i'm an uncivilized yob? By the way, by all reasonable standards I'm a very polite person, and am extremely respectful of other people's feelings.

OP posts:
Gizmo · 09/08/2007 16:43

All right, class/etiquette gurus, here's a challenge for you:

We have a bog standard Edwardian semi with a bog standard kitchen/diner extension on the back. The main part of the house is two reception rooms - front and back. The back bit used to be used as a dining room, but I want to use it as a room for everyone to chill out in, play, watch TV, chat etc.

Meanwhile the front room will have books, a fireplace, two comfy sofas and peace and quiet. Generally the kids won't be in there. We will, with a glass of wine, some music and a book.

So what do I call these rooms? I tell you, it's a minefield, this business...

flowerybeanbag · 09/08/2007 16:45

front room and back room?

pointydog · 09/08/2007 16:46

"But not mad to the point of grape scissors."

Phew. That would be barmy.

Cloth napkins that you have to wash all the time??

Gizmo · 09/08/2007 16:48

Which is what we're calling them at the moment but them other people keep calling them sitting room or lounge and I never know what they mean

Parlour?
Drawing room?
Family room?
Ethel?

flowerybeanbag · 09/08/2007 16:49

Ethel, I would.
And Mildred.

fiddlemama · 09/08/2007 16:49

We have two rooms like that and we call them the "sitting room" and the "family room", but then we are a real mongrel family. I have a middle class mum and a very working class dad and hubby has a middle class dad and an upper class mum. (Boarding schools, tennis parties, servants; I kid you not!) When she comes to visit we sit in the "drawing room" whether I like it or not!

Quattrocento · 09/08/2007 16:49

Yes

muppetgirl · 09/08/2007 16:50

Okay, room naming help needed.
Downstairs we have a dinning room and a 'family room' with setee/sofa. Upstairs is our lounge/living room or just plain 'upstairs'

what would you call the upstairs room?

Quattrocento · 09/08/2007 16:50

No need for letter of apology, fiddle.

But thank you for offering.

I don't know what rooms are called. In estate agent speak, that TV-room would be called a family room, I think.

flowerybeanbag · 09/08/2007 16:51

Beryl.

pointydog · 09/08/2007 16:51

You sound very..... focused...... on life's little details, quattro. Just an observation, no judgement, you understand.

muppetgirl · 09/08/2007 16:52

...and we're sticking on a conservatory next year which will be called the 'wii' room as dh is having a big telly on the wall with a wii thing.

Quattrocento · 09/08/2007 16:53

Parlour sounds ridiculously affected unless you are a spider or something.

Maybe sitting room? Or living room?

Oh I have a friend who calls his family room the snuggery. Does that sound a bit smug?

FluffyMummy123 · 09/08/2007 16:54

Message withdrawn

flowerybeanbag · 09/08/2007 16:54

Will the wii room have a WC?

Gizmo · 09/08/2007 16:55

Estate agents: I knew they were good for something. I think we're going to go down the 'family room' and 'sitting room' route.

Although at the moment 'sitting room' and 'gutted shell not suitable for Pete Doherty to do drugs in' would be a more accurate description

muppetgirl · 09/08/2007 16:55

my house is brand new so drawing room is really silly.
I live in a fake edwaridian house down a fake edwardian street.

meandmyflyingmachine · 09/08/2007 16:55

Thank you letters are certainly not ridiculous...

Quattrocento · 09/08/2007 16:55

So do I cod. Have just written thank you letter to friend who sent me a book. Have a drawer full of cards for thank you letters.

But I wouldn't send one to my mother. Or DH's mother.

FluffyMummy123 · 09/08/2007 16:56

Message withdrawn

meandmyflyingmachine · 09/08/2007 16:57

I send one to dh's mother. And she sends one to me.

We are super polite.

Because we cordially loathe each other

muppetgirl · 09/08/2007 16:57

flowery
pmsl!!
I will of course be usptairs in the fake edwardian sitting room drinking wine and reading high browed books.

Quattrocento · 09/08/2007 16:57

I truly would advise you against calling a room the wii room.

Small children have very literal minds, I find. Your children may be big enough to understand, but what about visitors?

FluffyMummy123 · 09/08/2007 16:57

Message withdrawn

OhNo40 · 09/08/2007 16:58

But if you each have a napkin ring you can use the napkins several times so you each have your own messy napkin back each day. When there is too much mess they are washed & ironed before returning to use.
I speak from experience - 18 years of it plus more each time I go back to my parents' house.