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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To buy an engagement ring for myself?

83 replies

EllaChakka · 05/09/2019 14:20

I am a regular but NC often to protect privacy.

I have been with DP for a year, he had been separated for a while when we got together and finally divorced recently. He is not keen on the idea of remarrying, and to be honest I don’t care much either way. We are very happy together.

However, I am sometimes a bit jealous of some of my female friends’ gorgeous engagement rings. So I am entertaining the idea of buying a lovely diamond ring for myself as a Christmas present this year.

Would that be really bad? Would it look crass? Am I a total nutter for even thinking this?

OP posts:

Ravenblack · 05/09/2019 18:06

@EllaChakka

I would wear it on the "engagement finger", but right hand.

Not really the 'engagement finger' then is it?

OhioOhioOhio · 05/09/2019 18:08

I want to do something like this but for different reasons. I'm hoping to be divorced soon.

Where are all the jewellery recommendations for?

daisypond · 05/09/2019 18:14

Does it really matter what finger it is on? I wouldn’t think anything of it.

Monty27 · 05/09/2019 18:21

Are you trying to make a statement without the commitment or proposal of marriage from DP?
What would be the significance of the ring? Because you fancied a diamond?
Ppl can treat themselves to what they like I guess.

Bluntness100 · 05/09/2019 18:40

If you're wearing it on your right hand, on your index finger, isn't your question then just am unreasonable to buy myself a ring for Xmas?

Yeahnahyeah1 · 05/09/2019 18:40

Soooo what you’re really asking is ‘shall I buy a ring and wear it?’
Why, yes. What a good idea.

zxcvhjkl · 05/09/2019 18:50

Buy yourself a ring by all means if you want one, but not because your friends have engagement rings and you don't.

Also don't wear it on your ring finger and don't call it an engagement ring because that's just weird.

If you're not planning to marry but the ring is important to you, you could always consider exchanging commitment rings. Probably after just one year that might be a bit too soon but something for the future.

SunshineCake · 05/09/2019 19:00

I think you've changed your tune, OP. Be honest with what you want.

Andromeida59 · 05/09/2019 19:07

I think the OP is conflating the two issues. If you want to buy yourself a ring, go for it. It's a bit odd to do buy a ring to give the impression you're engaged if you haven't even had that discussion with your DP.
Also, who cares what your friends are doing? It's not about them, it's about your relationship. You do sound very young.

I wear a ring on my "engagement/wedding" finger. DP bought it for me and we've been together for 15 years.

donquixotedelamancha · 05/09/2019 19:12

I would wear it on the "engagement finger", but right hand.

I think you should go the whole hog:

Photo of the ring on FB when you change your status.
Invite everyone to a big party then tell the romantic proposal story.
When BF acts confused, pretend it's a running gag.
Eventually he'll just go along with it for an easy life.

Does he any pets?

donquixotedelamancha · 05/09/2019 19:15

does he have any pets?

Roozy123 · 05/09/2019 19:21

Treat yourself... Why not.
(But just don't call it an engagement ring lol)

NoDontLookAtMeImShy · 05/09/2019 19:27

I did this!!

Or similar anyway. Before DH and I got married, neither of us were interested in getting married but I reeeaaallly wanted a pretty sparkly ring!

So I asked him for one for my birthday, he did and it was lovely! I never called it an engagement ring.

We got married about 10 years later with a real engagement ring and I love that as well.

HypatiaCade · 05/09/2019 19:30

You know you're a grown up and can buy yourself any type of jewellery you like, right?! Go and find a nice ring, buy it, wear it, but don't pretend it something it's not.

aqua00 · 05/09/2019 19:35

OP, can’t you just tell him you would like him to get you a diamond ring ASAP? Just say you need one.

He might propose with it. Or he might just get you one as a gift.

eladen · 05/09/2019 19:44

If you want a pretty ring, buy a pretty ring for yourself. Doesn't need to be an engagement ring to be acceptable to own nice jewellery!

Monty27 · 06/09/2019 02:12

Surely you have nice rings already. Is it a contest between your peer group?
Careful on the card. What about a painting instead?

Aannnaa · 06/09/2019 06:25

aww sweetie - if he isn't ready to marry you - and frankly a year after a divorce is nothing - then buying yourself a ring is a bit needy and desperate and honestly will send him running for the hills.

Spend less time worrying about your friends relationships and focus instead on why you NEED this so badly

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 06/09/2019 06:37

No, you can't do this. It's weird.

Plus you've been together for a year which is far too early for engagement or even commitment rings (whatever the hell they are) anyway.

Strugglingtodomybest · 06/09/2019 06:44

My DH bought me a diamond ring, which I wore on my middle finger of my left hand, about a year into our relationship, 9 years before we married, 17 years ago.

Go for it OP!

BeanBag7 · 06/09/2019 06:46

Just ask him if you can buy a ring and call it an engagement ring, but tell him your not expecting to marry
How bizarre, why would you call it an engagement ring with it definitively isn't?
So if someone mentioned the ring you would say "oh yes it's my engagement ring, but we arent getting married".

OP buy yourself a nice ring and wear it in a different finger. Dont call it an engagement ring, because it's not.

Bluntness100 · 06/09/2019 06:55

OP, can’t you just tell him you would like him to get you a diamond ring ASAP? Just say you need one

Trying to imagine this conversation. Think I'll try if wifh my husband tonight, 😂😂😂

sugarplumfairy28 · 06/09/2019 07:08

You can buy yourself anything you like, and in all fairness you can wear it on any finger too. I know a few people who are single and wear rings on 'the' ring finger, so go for it. FWIW I live in Germany, am married, was married in the UK so wedding ring on left hand, here though Germans wear it on the right hand, so both DH and I got 2nd wedding rings and wear them on both.

Rainbowhairdontcare · 06/09/2019 07:14

For many years I wore my mum's engagement ring on the "engagement finger" my exH never bought me one so I thought it was appropriate. I later divorced and started wearing it on my middle finger. One day my now DH and I got massively drunk on mezcal with a friend and proposed to each other and used that ring. From then onwards I wore it on the correct finger. However, he never felt it was proper engagement ring (nor a proper proposal) and when he felt ready and had the money for "doing the right thing" he did it. However, we always knew we'd get married we just didn't know when.

fedup21 · 06/09/2019 07:25

I would wear it on the "engagement finger", but right hand

So, not the engagement finger then?

This thread has been bizarre.

So, you have a boyfriend, haven’t been with him long and you aren’t engaged.

You want to wear a sparkly ring so are going to buy yourself one. You are going to wear it on your right hand.

Isn’t this a bit of a non-issue? Your thread title isn’t accurate as it’s not an engagement ring!

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