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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To allow my son to walk 300 yards home from school alone

82 replies

Throwaway2468 · 05/09/2019 07:56

He’s 10 years old and will be in high school next year. Although he has recently been diagnosed as autistic I feel he is more than capable of walking this distance and he enjoys being given the opportunity to do this.

His father (we split up years ago) is very strongly against this, believing he is too vulnerable and has apparently now made an urgent application to the court - about what specifically I don’t know.

Am I being negligent by letting my son do this? I felt it was good practice for him going to high school next year where I’m sure he will prefer to take even more responsibility for himself, just like his friends

OP posts:
BuzzShitbagBobbly · 05/09/2019 08:00

Can you do that thing where you walk with him a few times, walk behind him a few times, drop back even more a few times until you ultimately let him go it alone?

TooTrueToBeGood · 05/09/2019 08:01

You know your son best. Your ex is being an asshole and if he has applied to court over this (I bet he hasn't) they will laugh at him.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 05/09/2019 08:02

YANBU at all. I think that you're doing exactly the right thing and preparing him to settle in well to secondary school next year. Of course he'll want to be just like his friends and that's just as it should be.

Stick to your guns and fight your son's corner Flowers

EleanorReally · 05/09/2019 08:02

how long does it take to walk? are there any crossings? is it busy with other families?

GruciusMalfoy · 05/09/2019 08:03

My son's 10, and autistic, and walks himself home now too. It is maybe a 2 minute walk, no roads to cross.

I think it's such a short distance, you know your son's capabilities. I presume your son is mainstream? So I wouldn't think it beyond him to walk this distance alone. Are there any classmates he could walk beside?

Original poster
Throwaway2468 · 05/09/2019 08:04

It’s very busy with people, there’s a lollipop lady outside the school, he’s done the walk many times and as it’s less than 300 yards it takes roughly 4 minutes
I hope the court do laugh at him but I don’t have any faith in them at all

OP posts:
Original poster
Throwaway2468 · 05/09/2019 08:05

He is mainstream, he’ll be going to a mainstream high school and he often walks home with a friend

OP posts:
GruciusMalfoy · 05/09/2019 08:07

I really don't see a problem with this. They have to do these things eventually, and a 4 minute walk alongside a friend sounds like a sensible way to start.

NeverTwerkNaked · 05/09/2019 08:07

I've lost all faith in the family court system too but I think you will be alright here. He's got to be helped to be increasingly independent and this sounds like a sensible planm

LiveInAHidingPlace · 05/09/2019 08:07

Autism means a lot of different things and only you know if your son can handle that.

It seems he's ok with it and most NT 10 year olds would be totally ok with it.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 05/09/2019 08:08

My dd started walking to and from school at 10. You know your son better than anyone else.

Wakemeuuuup · 05/09/2019 08:08

Unless there is more information that you're not sharing with us I would say it's fine for him to walk by himself

orangeshoebox · 05/09/2019 08:10

you know your son.
I think a very short distance is a great opportunity to practice getting around on their own.

fwiw my 9yo walks to and from school on their own, it's just over half a mile.

Nextphonewontbesamsung · 05/09/2019 08:11

The vast majority of Y6 children at our primary school are allowed to walk home alone.

Hooferdoofer37 · 05/09/2019 08:12

Is he coming home to an empty house or are you/ another adult there to greet him?

EskewedBeef · 05/09/2019 08:13

YANBU. Walking a short, familiar route in broad daylight is very low risk.

Original poster
Throwaway2468 · 05/09/2019 08:15

I genuinely cannot see that he can’t do this, he knows to look both ways when crossing the road, he knows not to talk to strangers, he’s very well behaved probably because of his autism so if he’s asked to do something then he does it. I’m at home waiting for him when he comes back
His father criticises my parenting constantly, he can’t help himself he’s so negative, which is why I’m asking opinions as he tells me so often that he is a far superior parent

OP posts:
orangeshoebox · 05/09/2019 08:17

if he is the far superior parent maybe he should do more parenting then...

WhatsMyPassword · 05/09/2019 08:18

O/T how much does a court case cost ? retaining solicitors etc ? I seriously have no idea how these people who litigate at the drop of a hat afford it

Original poster
Throwaway2468 · 05/09/2019 08:21

He doesn’t pay for a solicitor, I had one last time and cost thousands I just don’t have.
He has the children about 50/50, he would like me to have less time
With them

OP posts:
Racmactac · 05/09/2019 08:22

Honestly. The court would think he is being ridiculous (and he is)

Singlewhiteguineapig · 05/09/2019 08:23

Could you carry out a written risk assessment identifying all the potential risks and ways Of minimising risk. Eg lollipop person, practiced since age 4, watched him surreptitiously, spoken to teachers etc.
Crossing the road independently is an important life skill and there are (obv) risks in not learning how to do it.

Original poster
Throwaway2468 · 05/09/2019 08:23

It would be helpful if those that voted that I am being unreasonable would let me know why I am

OP posts:
MildThing · 05/09/2019 08:23

It is perfectly normal for 10 year olds to walk to school unaccompanied.

Routes on the school run are inevitably busy with other parents who recognise your child, it is an ideal way for them to build independence.

And the last thing you want is a child who already has a difference being thought if as babyish because his Mum walks him to school.

Original poster
Throwaway2468 · 05/09/2019 08:24

Risk assessment is a good idea

OP posts: