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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel so sad for this middle child,

77 replies

RoryGlory · 04/09/2019 18:04

Older and youngest have the same dad.

Middle has to watch both his siblings leave to go stay with their dad at the weekends.

Mother doesn’t even know who the middle child’s father is.

OP posts:

PurpleCrazyHorse · 04/09/2019 19:28

I'm guessing you don't know the circumstances and you don't know the child.

Original poster

RoryGlory · 04/09/2019 19:28

Is that what you were after, OP? Keep your nose out tbh.

Well when you’re publicly posting videos of your child crying because the other 2 have gone away and asking why their dad doesn’t want to see them ... then you make it other peoples business.

OP posts:

Blueoasis · 04/09/2019 19:29

How the hell does she not know who the father is?! Was there that many all at once?! Christ.. Maybe she does know, she just won't admit it as it's probably the other dad's brother or best friend.

I'd feel sorry for the child too. They don't have a father while their siblings do. That's really sad. Hope the mother has a good reason for that.

KisstheTeapot14 · 04/09/2019 19:32

@simkin - enjoyed impressive bosom adjustment. Can never help but think of Les Dawson when that phrase is used!

OP maybe it is sad for the child involved, but honestly I don't know what we can add to that. Its a wonky old world eh?

Coyoacan · 04/09/2019 19:32

Many years ago I remember meeting two young cousins, one lived with both parents and the other had a single mum. I made some comment about the one with his father still there being the lucky one and they looked at me as if I had two heads.

Mind you I find the references to the father not having to take on another man's child pretty disgusting, frankly. Even if the mother was unfaithful, that is not the child's fault.

sonjadog · 04/09/2019 19:35

Why is she posting photos of a crying child and asking why their Dad doesn't want to see them when she doesn't know who the father is?

WhatsMyPassword · 04/09/2019 19:36

You need to expand Op - if the mother doesn't know who the father is, why is she posting videos about the father not seeing the child - unless of course the Father of 1&3 was in loco parentis and now doesn't bother ?

I assume No 2 thinks the known father is also his/her father ?

Yellowcar18 · 04/09/2019 19:37

It is sad. But for whatever reason that child doesn't see its df, I hope it's a good one. Spoken as the mother of a dc that's never met their f.

Ravenblack · 04/09/2019 19:37

BarbariansMum · 04/09/2019 19:38

Do you think women should be obliged to "take on" any children their partners father with 3rd parties then too Coyo? Even when the relationship is over?

Walnutwhipster · 04/09/2019 19:38

How can she know their dad doesn't want to see DC if she doesn't know who he is. 1q

Yellowcar18 · 04/09/2019 19:39

Also I don't think a mother can make up for a lack of a father either, that doesn't mean that the child's not better off with out a father, depending in the father. It's kind of hard to say more with out context of why this middle dc doesn't see their father.

Banangana · 04/09/2019 19:41

Mind you I find the references to the father not having to take on another man's child pretty disgusting, frankly. Even if the mother was unfaithful, that is not the child's fault.

I don't think anyone has suggested that it's the child's fault. The child being innocent doesn't mean he's obligated to take them on.

tillytrotter1 · 04/09/2019 19:43

If 'dad' was half a man, he'd take on no2 as his own anyway

Of course it would be the man's fault according to MN, not her fault for sleeping around.

Lisamac28 · 04/09/2019 19:45

What are you doing about it? Or you're just sitting there feeling sad and judging the mother?

^ Proof that people will twist and try to sabotage threads when there's absolutely no need. If you don't like the OPs thread why don't you find one that you do. I bet you actively go looking for threads to spew your venom on.

Kiddofreddo80 · 04/09/2019 19:47

YANBU
If 'dad' was half a man, he'd take on no2 as his own anyway
Why? It’s the woman’s own fault and not his. He takes responsibility for his own kids and shouldn’t have to take responsibility to clear up the mother’s mess. Honestly I feel like women can do no wrong on this site sometimes

Lulualla · 04/09/2019 19:50

@Coyoacan

What on earth possessed you to say that to those kids? "Oh, you're the lucky one having a dad". As if the other child needed reminding, as if it needed drawing attention too.
You have no idea how children will react to that, or how they feel about it, even if they won't say it out loud. What made you think it was OK to go on about one not having a dad and how they were The unlucky one. I actually can't believe you said that.

My kids fad walked off and we didn't see him for 5 years. The my broke their hearts crying for him. If you'd said "oh, well you're unlucky" I might have punched you.

Lisamac28 · 04/09/2019 19:50

That is very sad OP. We take DPs exs other child on weekends along with his son (his own father has never been involved). He calls DP dad and is treated exactly the same as the rest of the DC.

Napqueen1234 · 04/09/2019 19:52

That isn’t ce

Napqueen1234 · 04/09/2019 19:52

Sorry phone playing up. That is really sad. Also sad she’s posting the pictures on social media. Poor child

Coyoacan · 04/09/2019 19:55

Lulualla Because we were all young adults and mates, maybe?

My father also left when I was four and I didn't see him again until I was eleven.

Ilikethisone · 04/09/2019 19:55

For all anyone knows the woman may not have been in a relationship with dad.

Or was, split, she had baby no. 2. Then a ONS with her ex (the father of 1 and 3).

And absolutely no one would tell a woman that she should take on a baby that her husband had with someone else, if she was no longer with the husband. If that's actually what happened.

The mother could do alot more. Find our who the childs father is, not post public videos of her child crying to name 2.

Longlongsummer · 04/09/2019 19:56

I’ve two children to two different Dads.

Of course it’s not great. No family where they are either separated or together but not functioning well is a good experience for children. I don’t think there’s a particular bad case just because it’s two different Dads. Any family with difficulties, emotional, financial, is going to impact the child.

However it’s hard enough without people peering from the outside judging that ‘it’s bad’. My exDH did not step up to family life. He cheated and left me to do everything. So I stepped up myself and have become mother, father, breadwinner, carer, everything.

So I’ve become a very resilient role model and my second child, has the benefit of one very strong but loving mother! I’d not for one second have not considered another child, I’m a good mum, why wouldn’t I?

Longlongsummer · 04/09/2019 20:00

But I wouldn’t watch anything like that on social media. I’d block them. It’s totally inappropriate to put up videos of a kid in distress and their private feelings, and it’s totally inappropriate to watch them.

That is a different point to just putting a woman down for having children with different Dads.

peakygal · 04/09/2019 20:02

My youngest has to watch her siblings go off with their dad and shes perfectly fine..Stop judging

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