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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To kick off at school

96 replies

Kplpandd · 04/09/2019 16:17

My daughter has just come back from her first day at a new school (year 1) and told me she didn't have lunch. I phoned school who said that office staff dont deal with lunches and to speak to teacher in the morning.

Am I being unreasonable to be fuming right now or should I just put it down to a blip?

OP posts:
shithappens123 · 04/09/2019 17:20

This just proves my point.

Lulualla · 04/09/2019 17:20

@StockTakeFucks
Wrong thread?

Cheeseoncrumpets · 04/09/2019 17:21

Most schools I know have food first and playtime after

Not always. Lots of schools have staggered lunches if they don't have much space in the hall.

Spellcheck · 04/09/2019 17:22

As an ex teacher I am pretty certain staff would have noticed a Year 1 on her own in the playground or even the classroom when everyone else is at lunch. Are Reception in this week for lunch? IME they don’t have lunch this week, so the Year 1s go in first. I can’t fathom how she wouldn’t have gone to the dining hall with her class.
Children this age often get things muddled up, and when they tell us things, certain facts are often left out or misrepresented. Please don’t ‘kick off’ at staff, because there will 99.9% of times be an explanation.
If it does turn out she didn’t go in for lunch, then they should investigate as a matter of urgency because there shouldn’t be any circumstance where a child misses lunch. Tell the Head. If she is new and shy, then perhaps they could assign her a lunch buddy to show her the ropes.

duffyluth · 04/09/2019 17:24

@Raphael34

I’ve already said I misread and thought she was starting high school.

Assuming that's for me as no one else has commented since the mix up?

I apologised 45 mins ago for cross post.

carbonatedbrains · 04/09/2019 17:29

@Kplpandd my son missed his lunch a few times at primary. Different year groups were supposed to go at different times. I think perhaps a teacher rang a bell or something, but sometimes he missed it, and (frustratingly) he didn't feel able to let the staff know that he'd missed it. He knew the routine so I would put the blame at his door rather than the teachers' (unless they gave the impression that the children would get into trouble for missing their slot - I never figured that out). However if it was your daughter's first day it would be reasonable to assume someone was looking after her - was she perhaps assigned another child as a 'buddy' who was meant to look after her but who neglected her duties?

Either way, give your feedback calmly, not angrily. You are right to feel frustrated but wrong to be angry.

Quartz2208 · 04/09/2019 17:29

Also check what the process is - at ours even for free meals we need to sign up online in advance so they know to order it in.

Definitely needs speaking to the teacher

Cheeseoncrumpets · 04/09/2019 17:31

Should also add, sometimes children do forget to have lunch. It doesnt happen often, but sometimes they will be playing and so engrossed in what they are doing that they either hear the bell or MDS shouting for them to go in for lunch and just forget all about it.

Knittingnanny · 04/09/2019 17:31

I’ve been an infant teacher since 1978, I would be horrified if a little one had missed their lunch, certainly wouldn’t think it was her own fault.
Have a word in the morning and ask if someone can keep an eye on her to make sure she understands the new lunchtime routine.
Reception usually go straight in to lunch, I expect in year 1 they had a short play first so it can be confusing for them.

duffyluth · 04/09/2019 17:32

Christ - are all you posters hard of reading? The OP clarifies - VERY clearly for those at the back - that she will be addressing it calmly and didn't mean to say kicking off

The title is inflammatory. That's all. People
Respond to 'AIBU to kick off at school?' Because that is the question. Nobody is hard of reading.

PrettyFlyF0rAWiFi · 04/09/2019 17:34

@duffyluth they clearly are hard of reading as they can't appear to read the OPs update. Happens all the time. Just dense

TokyoSushi · 04/09/2019 17:34

To kick off and be fuming is ludicrous.

How about calmly and pleasantly enquiring with the teacher in the morning to highlight that your DD isn't sure of the system so you'd be grateful if they would help her out/point her in the right direction.

duffyluth · 04/09/2019 17:36

@PrettyFlyF0rAWiFi

Better than being just nasty I guess 🤷‍♀️

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 04/09/2019 17:36

Christ - are all you posters hard of reading

All you posters?

PrettyFlyF0rAWiFi · 04/09/2019 17:37

@duffyluth I'd respond fully to that but can't be bothered to read what you've written

LoseLooseLucy · 04/09/2019 17:37

Wish we were all as clever and wise as you are PrettyFlyF0rAWiFi.

PrettyFlyF0rAWiFi · 04/09/2019 17:38

@Rufusthebewilderedreindeer ' all of you previous posters.'

Does that help you understand my point now?

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 04/09/2019 17:40

Im a previous poster

So no

You can have a pop at someone not reading updates (which is annoying) without having a pop at everyone who posted

LadyOfTheFlowers · 04/09/2019 17:42

Sorry, I'm just laughing at all the 'kick off' comments Grin

rosesinmygarden · 04/09/2019 17:43

Ex teacher here. Go in and ask the teacher. And find out what happened. Ask specifically what will be put in place to ensure it doesnt happen again. These things do happen (although they shouldn't) and they shouldn't let it happen again if you make it known that she needs keeping an eye on and pointing in the right direction. It sounds like she ended up not being in the right place at the right time get dinner maybe? Or, she went to lunch but it wasn't what she was expecting so she didn't eat?

TSSDNCOP · 04/09/2019 17:44

Out of curiosity though OP, if MN had said “Yes! Get down there and kick right off” would you have done so?

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 04/09/2019 17:47

Yes ask what happened. I'd want to know how she managed to not be in the dinner hall with the rest of her class!

There may not be any teachers left in the school by the time you phoned. The teachers at dds primary are all gone by 4.15.

Drabarni · 04/09/2019 17:47

Kick off at what? Do you have the right story from an adult?
You'll be doing a lot of kicking off if you always take the word of your child.
No wonder school staff are leaving in droves, who would want this. Sad

NearlyGranny · 04/09/2019 17:49

Poor little scrap! I wouldn't kick off but my heart aches for you both. I imagine she was confused about what to do and missed the cues, perhaps compounded by being unsure who to ask.

The teacher has 30+ children to shepherd and three times as many things on their mind and the handover to dinner staff is a potential slip through the cracks moment.

I wonder if she was last in the queue for the loo and the rest of the children had vanished when she came out?

I do remember being 4 and staying for school dinner for the first time and crying at the table. It all took so long and I just didn't know what to do next. They fetched my big sister and all was well, but I'm guessing there was nobody like that there for her.

Cuddle her and tell her it won't happen again, then tell the teacher (nicely) when you drop her off and you'll find she comes home tomorrow with gravy/tomato/jelly all down her front and a big smile. I do hope so!

SleepIsForTheWeeak · 04/09/2019 17:52

Gosh kicking off and she's only been back a day. It sounds like some kind of miscommunication, for whatever reason your child didn't speak up, if she had said I'm sure they would have got her something. You might have a case to be annoyed if she'd told someone and they said "tough", but it's a case of she didn't speak up and they missed her.

My daughter is quite a bit younger (3 1/2) she came home from nursery a couple of months back and told me she didn't have any lunch as there were no seats to sit down. The next day I said to the teacher in a jovial way "did she have lunch yesterday?" to which she replied, "yes I was helper her with her xyz" so I told the teacher what my daughter said and she shouted my daughter over (we were both laughing) and said "what's this about no seats?" My daughter grinned and looked sheepish. Complete nonsense she'd made up! I obviously asked, but I wasn't "kicking off" or at all angry. If it had happened I'd have just said "can you make sure she eats her lunch tomorrow, thanks."