Its a (very early) christmas one - sorry!

[Christmasheadache]

My sister is very organised, and it is apparently our turn to host my parents for christmas. I agree. We live around 200 miles away from my parents so they have to stay over.

The issue is that my father is very very judgemental, for want of a better description quite openly rude about my cooking/house/children. He is a highly critical man, and hurts my feelings often when we visit them. I have been LC with my parents for years because of this, he kills my self confidence even if I have become very good at batting away the comments, so I really limit the time I spend with them.

Our house has one small guest bedroom, and I am already feeling (very) stressed at thought of having them here for two nights and three days.

Would it be unreasonable to put them up in the nice hotel at the end of the road (max 2 min walk to our house) and obviously pay for them to be there? My dh thinks it is mean of us to do this, and we will be depriving them of the spirit of christmas or some such sentimentality. Dh tends to always forget about how bad my father is until is reminded me by a stinging comment or two, and then says never again! I intend to have them here all day, every day catering for them as usual over christmas, but just need some space at the end of the day to relax without them.

I think they would be okay about staying there, it is really nice and very close, and will stop me from feeling so vulnerable/stressed when they are here.

PS DP are always saying it will be their last christmas so ds and I are rail roaded every year, they have been saying this for the last 12 years I can think of!! :)

Sounds a great solution to a difficult situation

I have managed to swerve christmas for three years in a row. So I need to help out my sister, and can not leave her with them again. I don't think her marriage will survive one more christmas with them (her words not mine)

No, you don’t! It was her choice to host them. Doesn’t mean she has to burden you.

I think that's perfectly acceptable. But do it soon so it's out the way and booked and it's not hanging over you til Christmas.
There is nothing worse than feeling the way you do in your own home and Christmas should be about everyone enjoying themselves not appeasing one person or listening to their constant critical comments.
Be firm OP! Good luck x

Can't you
a) go to them instead
b) tell him to get fucked when he makes a shitty comment
c) just not invite him?

Has anyone ever confronted him about his extremely poor behaviour and told him he isn't welcome if he does this?

If you're up to it @Sarahjconnor has the right answer.
And remind your DH about what is to come and what you are swerving by putting your parents up in a hotel.

Don't lie, don't make up a story about decorating (but "teen noise, you won't like it" is great) - just tell them in a way that leaves them very clear it's that or nothing.

And I think PP idea about going out for your main Christmas meal is also great. Get saving!

You should make a couple of comments to your DH that your father has used. When he acts all hurt/annoyed, tell him to remember that those were the terms your father used and does he want to listen to that over Xmas? He’ll soon change his mind. 😁

Definitely do it. Can't risk ruining Christmas!

Honestly, if I were you I wouldn't invite them at all. Your parents sound really difficult, why should you and your siblings have to put up with that on Christmas day, and have your children and home criticised?! Would a compromise work, such as spending Christmas individually and you going to visit them (and hence can leave whenever you wish!! And book a hotel there!) between Christmas and New Year?

Failing that, I think the hotel idea is a great one. Do not feel guilty or awkward at all. Sell it as a treat for them (and save on an additional Christmas present!!)

Does your sister also struggle with her relationship with your DF?
Can you agree between you this is the end of rotating Christmas (now that the DCs are too old/now that you have both given up on being browbeaten)?

This sounds like a nightmare! Yes, tell him about the noise, don't invent fleas or leaks or anything.

How old are they? I hate it when people like that say it'll be their last Christmas in order to completely ruin everyone else's Christmas.

To be frank I'd have thought your ILs might prefer a nearby hotel,
where they can have peace in the mornings and somewhere quiet to retreat to - esp. since you say your guest room is small and if they would like more space - and maybe a bigger bed.

I know I would - esp. if it's a king size bed vs. an ordinary double.

Another vote for do it. It’s your Christmas as well, l know it’s your turn to have the parents but still need to have some fun and relaxation. Not being on top of each other is likely to make things less tense

Thank you!!! I am already feeling my hunched shoulders relaxing.

Oh Poor you! You've got the run up to Christmas thinking about this! That does sound like a good idea (he will probably moan about though!). It is being so cheerful that keeps him going isn't it?

It might be early to think about it but Tesco already has those £5 big tubs of sweets they do at Christmas ,so you really need to treat yourself now!

In those circumstances I'd do it in a heartbeat! But yes, turn "spare" room in to a teenage den and make sure teenagers are in and out of it with their music blaring from it at every opportunity. Fingers crossed it will persuade them to leave early on Christmas Day too!

As for the house not being clean enough, please don't bust a gut for this man. Even if it were brand new and sparkling he'd still manage to find fault. Better to do nothing, receive the criticism and then present his with a Christmas gift basket of cleaning products and invite him to "clean it to his standards, as a Christmas gift to you"!

Sorry OP, I know he's your father, but he also sounds like a right tosser! My Dad would be helping out in the kitchen or finding something else useful to be helping with, not criticising my every move. Sorry yours is so rubbish

As an in-law, albeit a very good one apparently, I would prefer this arrangement!

Oh yes, definitely a hotel for them, it's horrible to have complaining,and critical people around you,even though they are a parent. It's very sad that some people can spoil a family gathering, and it's a wonder that they attend anyway.

YANBU at all op. The thought of that with my critical parents makes me feel ill!

Can you turn it into a teen "game room" and chuck the bed in the loft for the duration?

Are you near a Cook shop? Just order the job lot Christmas food from them. Their turkey is really good.