To ask, if a married woman left her dh, financially would she be better off leaving as a sahm or if she sorted out a job first

[Lardlizard]

But if she got a job, she would only really want to work part time term time

If someone was, ahem, just getting those ducks in a row before tough talks

I was just talking about in general

I think it would be useful to understand that there is no 'general' rule. It all depends

Unless you’re planning to walk into a part time, term time job paying well over £70k and have a huge secret pension pot then you are nowhere near having to pay your ex a fortune on divorce.

Get a job, it’s your security and independence. You’ll be able to leave far sooner than if you stay reliant on his income. When men start divorcing, particularly high earning men, they start hiding money. It’s the first thing they do. Money is the main motivator for them. It’s what they will protect before anything else. Don’t expect your husband to hand over any money easily when he finds out you’re leaving him.

The infamous MN being in such a different league while her DH IIRC was a teacher also made a difference I think, about being kept in th style that he was accustomed to. But not sure. You could search it and find her posts! But I don’t think it will have any relevance to your situation. You might as well get a job as the courts will expect you to get a job anyway.

Completely agree with pp that any scenario which makes you dependent on either your ex or the state puts you in a weak position. Someone else- whether it’s the ex or the whims of govt policy - is calling the shots. There are so many variables... your ex might get ill, have more kids, get sick of earning decent money but paying out so much and do something easier and lower earning...
and of course as had been said already, there will come a point when your children grow up that it’s totally down to you, he won’t be supporting any more. The longer you put off becoming as financially independent as you can, the harder your position is in the long term. It’s harder to get decent, interesting well paid work the longer you’re out of the job market.

Don’t mean this harshly but it sounds like you’re looking for what’s ‘easiest’ now rather than future proofing yourself. I know any break up is tough and there’s the emotional side to deal with now. But for your own sake don’t end up like those women who realise only when their kids grow up, that they have another 20 plus years of working life ahead, not to mention possibly another 20 years of retirement, and it’s too late to do anything other than struggle to manage a meagre existence.
I don’t know what age you are but it’s worth thinking about the long term not just now

I read an article a while ago by a lawyer who made sure his wife (possible wives including exes) always worked at least part time even if it was minimum wage because he knew he’d be screwed in the case of divorce otherwise.

Having said that, your husband’s salary is not going to be able to maintain two separate households without you working so whilst you might get something in the short term, it’s not realistic long term. You’re more likely to get a bigger chunk of the house and a chunk of his pension. I’d be getting a job to support myself as far as possible and would want the pension I’d missed out on by raising the children.

I doubt anyone on here is a lawyer and we’re all just saying what makes sense to us so don’t think that a single post is accurate!

Part time term time work is highly unlikely to pay enough for you to support yourself.

You can expect maintenance of course, but not forever and so need to make a plan to ensure that you are fully able to support yourself in future.

What areas have you worked in before, and what experience do you have?

how many DC and how old are they?

You seem to believe you're entitled to the best of both worlds - to leave your husband but still be supported by him.

That's not how it works, and any greater share you get in settlement isn't going to be enough to provide for you longer term, not unless your husband was earning far far more than 70k.

You're going to need a job, and probably a full time one unless you are skilled and have a high enough earning potential to earn a good wage pt (which won't be a term time only job)

The thing is that 70k is his income and his job. Yes you may get some nice cm but what if he quits and takes a 20k job? What if he meets someone else and has more DC? You will be an independent household and you need to be able to support yourself.

The salary still isn't anything like enough information.

It’s likely that part of any settlement you’ll be expected to maximise earnings. You’re unlikely to get all the assets even if not working although you might be able to argue for slightly larger share ( friending on many other factors)

70k is not a particularly large Salary and your ex will need to be suitably housed too.

You need to think about how you will support yourself going forward

Do you own property together? How many DC?

It's very hard to say unless you give more information.

I was better off on benefits initially because I've no qualifications and the childcare costs would have cost more than a full time wage for me. BUT this was only because we had no assets, we were skint and I didn't receive any money in the divorce because we had none.

If you are set to receive money or assets from the divorce you won't be able to get certain benefits.

Interestingly, as a SAHM who is leaving her husband, I have spoken to 2 divorce lawyers, both of whom said do NOT go getting a job now until the financial settlement has been agreed. That said, I’m trying to anyway because I just don’t want to be reliant on him. We ARE looking at the less common maintenance route because we live in a very expensive city that I wouldn’t be able to afford to live in even on a max salary in my field. And he wants to keep me here so he can stay close to the kids.

Stop saying "ahem" and flesh out your posts a bit more - or better yet see a solicitor!

Remotesland
That’s interesting
I’m sure I haven’t just come up with this idea form nowhere

Are you going to bother answering any of the questions from the posters who have been kind enough to reply?

If not, then what happens with you ‘depends’.

Helpful? No, I thought not.

She earns £600 from a part time job, £400 from the ex in csa, £160 in child benefit and £700 in child tax credits.

And soon those tax credits will be gone, as in, in the next year or two. And all new claims are UC, every council is now a full-service UC area.

You need to see a lawyer, Lard, but the ol' gravy train of being expected to be supported to look after kids with a 'part time, term time' job are vanishing like unicorn tears.

70K isn't very much at all.

timshelthechoice she is under the new UC system. Sorry I don’t know the correct names for all the benefits.

well, £1860 for an adult and 2 DC is hardly plenty. I guess a substantial part will be spend on housing, add in council tax, utilities, maybe keep a car in the road... children can be expensive, clothes, hobbies etc. it all adds up. I wouldn't aim for something like that if I could better the situation with working.

Feduo about as helpful as it would be if I started telling people that were say questioning while their child only gets nappy rash at nursery or insert any of kind of childcare worry here, and then went on and one about how putting your child into care with strangers is a bad idea !

Helpful ? Not really
😛