To ask, if a married woman left her dh, financially would she be better off leaving as a sahm or if she sorted out a job first

[Lardlizard]

But if she got a job, she would only really want to work part time term time

If someone was, ahem, just getting those ducks in a row before tough talks

@Birdie379 bloody hell, I get less than that in a well paid full time job

Get a job, why should an ex pay for your maintenance. Any payment from an ex should be for the child only.

Part time term time jobs don’t really exist tbh.

Illybean good for you, I think your spot on. You feel instantly better knowing that the option to leave is doable

They do exist, they just don't tend to pay enough to cover many bills.

If you need to leave, you need to leave...how bad is the situation?

Honestly, forget about part time, term time. These things are like hens teeth. I’ve got significant experience and have been employed TTO before and I’m finding it incredibly difficult to get another job like this. The competition is huge and the quality of candidates much higher than an equivalent non term time position. Plus, the money tends to be crap.

It's easier to get a job, get your partner to do pick ups or drop offs or something and then after you split I guess they can continue or you can ask your job for more flexibility now your circumstances have changed. Getting a new job with the flexibility you want is always difficult

if she got a job, she would only really want to work part time term time

I mean, wouldn't we all, though?

Harsh reality is that if you are thinking of leaving the person who currently pays the bills allowing you to be a SAHP, then you will need to compromise on being so available to your DC when you are separated. You will need income to be independent. Part-time and term-time only will not give you that.

I was super tempted recently to apply for a job that was term time only, but it was 5 days a week (school hours) versus my current 3-4 days a week (somewhat flexible hours). The draw of the holidays off, and a local government pension scheme was strong. But ultimately it paid less than half of my current set up - I can't afford it. And I am not the sole earner in the household, like you would be.

If I were you I'd take a really long look at how you could make life as a single parent a reality - housing, childcare, finances etc. - and then go from there in terms of what jobs to look at.

You do need to remember that lots of men don't pay the maintenance that legally they should.

So you do need to be able to function without it, just in case.
You'd also need to think about what would happen if he, quite legally, reduced his payments because he had other children or became ill and stopped working or had to reduce workload.

A part time term time job probably wouldn't cover your vital costs, unless you will be mortgage/rent free?

I’m sure loads of people would prefer to work part time term time only. Meanwhile back in the real world, that sort of job is unlikely to be enough to live on, never mind securing your future with pension contributions. And remember that even way before your pensionable age, your kids will grow up, become adults and then you’re on your own.

I would be looking to be as financially independent as possible frankly. It might feel tough but not as tough as relying on UC and being at the mercy of govt whims and further cutting and restructuring of the welfare system.

2 of my friends work in schools term time
One Part time, one full time now her kids are in secondary school. The money is terrible though I earn more doing 18 hours as a nurse. You really need to be financially secure on your own. Don’t rely on a man to actually pay maintenance. And def not support you. It’s important to stand in your own two feet. I do it with 4 kids, one with SN which is why I currently do 18 hours but it pays all my bills but nowt left over.

If you need to move out then it would be wise to get a job as you will struggle more to find a house to rent with no job and on only universal credit.

What if the dh salary was 70k

What if the dh salary was 70k

But it's not your salary. Yes, you'll be entitled to CM, but that won't cover everything. And is subject to change, as a PP says - what if he's made redundant, what if he marries again and has more children, what if he decides he wants to change jobs to a lower paying more flexible job and wants 50% custody, what if he loses his job through illness? Any decision he makes about his own earning capacity will not be influenced by you any more as you won't be part of the equation.

So you need to be financially independent or have a plan to become financially independent.

Housing - if you sell your family home, is there enough equity for you to buy somewhere for the DC and you to live, and to provide a deposit for a similar place for your DH (he would then take out a mortgage)? Will you be able to afford the bills?

I wonder why people think this is about maintenance, rather than the financial settlement. If someone can't afford to pay for a home, because they don't have a salary to pay rent, aren't they perhaps more likely to be given the marital home, or a greater share of the proceeds of selling it, so they can afford somewhere to live?

Does not matter if it’s 20k or 70k, you will still be in the same predicament. How much is a home going to cost you to buy or rent for starters? 70k is w good salary in some areas and nothing in other areas. But it won’t provide for 2 homes, 2 lots of bills etc.

Petty I think it is about both the CM and the financial settlement - if the husband is on a good salary he can get a deposit + mortgage to buy his next home, and the SAHP can get a bigger slice of the equity to buy a house outright.

But ongoing costs of living will need to be paid, and you can't realistically do that without a job. Unless someone knows something I don't!

Pc yes really talking about the settlement side of it

a friend got divorced last year. 2 DC (primary school age). she was a Sahm. Her ex earned around 80k (or so she told me). She only got child maintenance, not spousal maintenance. She also had to go back to work.

Best to see a solicitor. Make Ex take the DC 50/50 and get back into work.

Didn’t a certain infamous mumsnetter mentioning no names
Who was rather ahem enthusiastic about working out of the home
End up having to pay her dh more on separation because he has been a stay at home dad

How can you make an ex take 50/50 childcare though when he says he can’t do any pick ups drop offs or holiday or sickness cover !

you need to see a solicitor, not ask random internet strangers without a legal background who only know thinks from hearsay.

I remember this infamous mumsnetter - but she earned in a different league. Your DH 70k make you look like a pauper in contrast, sorry. get some proper legal advice.

Oh god yeah I know she earned in a Different league
I was just talking about in general

No one on here can really say op, it just depends on too many factors, equity in a house, age and number of dc, joint assets, your earning potential etc. You need to see a solicitor.