Birthday embarrassment - AIBU?

[SewingMum46]

Briefly - three months ago my brother forgot my Dad's birthday, then asked my two dds (who were turning 19 and 21) what they'd like for their birthdays - and then didn't send them anything, all in the space of a week. I've got a 'big' birthday coming up, and he wants to know what I'd like. What I'd really like is for him to acknowledge and send presents to my df and dds. Otherwise I'd feel awful if he bought me anything at all. AIBU? How do I tell him???

Did you DDs notice his failure or did they have lots of other presents?

You could say "OH! I thought you'd done away with present buying"

Given his track record, I'd say there's a fairly good chance he won't get you anything either, so I wouldn't worry too much 🤷‍♀️

They noticed, mostly because he'd exchanged more than one message to ask what they would like. They didn't ask for very much at all. It's not the first time for me either - he did the same to me for years ago, asked what I'd like then sent... nothing. I don't mind for myself, but i feel bad for my Dad and my girls.

"Ha ha, I can wait for my present! I'll be in the queue behind Dad, Anna and Beth."

He sounds like he wants to make the right noises but doesn't deliver
Knob head springs to mind.

Hahahahaha @KUGA

Why not use it as a reason to say ‘let’s just exchange cards now we are all adults’ or something like that. In our family present giving stops at 18. We do get together for a birthday meal which is fun and no one has to stress over presents.

He's not really a knob head. He does have a stressful job, and he does sometimes get laid low with depression. Having said that, his wife knows he forgot the three birthdays - her birthday is two weeks after them, and we made sure her present arrived on time - and she acknowledged that he hadn't done anything, but she joined him in asking me what I'd like, to my face. I was a bit flabbergasted to be asked, so couldn't come out with a reasonable response at the time so said "I'll have a think".

So much angst over adult birthdays, especially over someone with a stressful job and depression.

Just say let’s not bother exchanging gifts

YANBU but it’s not his wife’s job to sort out birthday presents for his side of the family.

It’s time to stop exchanging gifts. Well time.

I would just say...Brother, what's the point of me even replying because we both know you will not be buying me anything at all never mind the thing I say I would like.

For goodness sake, it would be pathetic to insist on taking him shopping & insisting he buys 'back dated presents' ... are you really all so desperate for presents? .

Just stop giving & receiving gifts. Less waste, less 'stuff' in your lives and less expense.

Of course you don’t say that, Keto . He’s under no obligation to buy a gift for anyone!

What Ragwort said.

I would just go with "Oh, as you didn't buy presents for DDs I assumed you weren't doing presents anymore. Just a card would be lovely".

His wife might have asked you to remind him he needed to sort it. My husband regularly forgets / doesn't bother to buy presents for members of his family despite me constantly reminding him to ask them what they want. It winds me up because I think his family are looking at me like "you're the woman, you should be arranging this". I refuse to get involved in this, it's one of very few jobs he actually has to do. I buy for my relatives and he has never once even suggested a gift idea for them. So please don't blame his wife!

Just tell him you really liked what he got dds. You'll take one of those.

Good opportunity to suggest no more presents. If he asks why you could tell him I guess.
I'm sure he has good intentions if he's asking but that just makes it worse then doesn't it!

Did you not say anything at the time?