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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to complain to my baby's nursery and refuse to pay fees

82 replies

nestisflown · 02/09/2019 12:02

This is probably very identifying but it's my 6 month old's first day at nursery today and although he's meant to be there all day, I've only dropped him off for a few hours because I'm concerned he's so unsettled there due to the way the nursery have handled his settling in.

We signed him up to the baby room (normal age range is 4-12 months old but they often have 1 year olds waiting to move up). However, in his settling in sessions he's been shuffled around between 3 rooms - the baby room and the two toddler rooms where the are even 2 year olds and a lot more children.

I dropped him off today expecting him to finally be in the baby room given it's his start date - and I was told he was in one of the toddler rooms again. I asked the nursery manager when he would be back in the baby room - and they said not until the start of October when there are enough babies for the room. I asked them whether they could at least ensure he only was in one of the toddler rooms until October and I was told they couldn't guarantee that as they put him in whichever room has enough availability.

My concerns are:

  • DS won't be able to settle being shipped between 3 different rooms, given there are 3 different lots of staff and children, and 3 different environments and layouts to get used to.

-a 6 month old baby shouldn't be in a room with 15 toddlers and there's no way he'll be relaxed enough to sleep/ feed (by contrast the baby room has a maximum capacity of 6 babies). To date in all of his settles in the toddler rooms, he's refused to sleep and feed (which is why I've only put him in for a few hours today as I don't want to starve him/ stress him out too much).

  • DS will pick up more germs going between different rooms. My experience with my older child has been that they get sick when they start nursery and change rooms. I'm worried this will be exacerbated by being in 3 different environments.

-the staff in the toddler rooms don't know how to handle babies. An example of this is when I dropped DS off for a settle a couple of weeks ago and I told the staff that took DS that he was due a feed in an hour (DS was staying for 2 hours). The staff told me that tea wouldn't be served until after DS finished his settle anyway. I asked her what she meant, and she explained that they couldn't give DS food in an hour because the children weren't due food altogether until after DS left. I had to tell her that DS doesn't eat food - he's 5 months old, and so when I said feed I meant the milk and bottle in his bag. She laughed and said "Ohh..we're not used to babies in here". Confused

-he's normally a very chilled, happy baby, and he's been so upset at the settles, and he's also starting to be really grisly and upset at home, and I'm worried it's to do with nursery.

Sorry for my long post, but would I be unreasonable to complain to my baby's nursery? And WIBU to tell them that if they can't ensure that DS is only in 1 room with 1 set of staff and children during his first month at nursery, then I won't be bringing him in or paying fees until they are ready to open up the baby room for him? I'm not sure if it's the emotions from my young baby starting nursery, or whether I have valid concerns about their handling of the situation which is why I'm asking here.

OP posts:
Intheupsidedown · 02/09/2019 17:16

I personally wouldn't have let this happen for settling let alone starting but I appreciate you probably felt like you didn't have a choice.

Dds nursery will merge groups for quiet periods but generally babies are kept in the baby room and kept to the same routine as if they were at home. In fact the nursery do this throughout for naps etc following parents lead as much as possible.

Is there anything in the contract about settling sessions/key workers etc that they may be breaching which you could use as a get out clause?

Sunhill4 · 02/09/2019 17:17

Orangeslices, while i agree a 6 month old should not be put in with a room full of toddlers, the ratio is the same (1:3) until the children turn 2.

SunshineCake · 02/09/2019 17:19

I feel so sorry for you both that I'm compelled to offer that I dust off my nanny uniform and I take him for you.

Please look for somewhere else. This is your baby and to them he is a financial gain Sad.

SuzieQ10 · 02/09/2019 23:45

Maybe he's too hungry to sleep at nursery? And too stressed to feed?

Sounds quite irresponsible to leave him there, if he doesn't seem to be settling in. Or at least feeding! You've explored it as an option, it hasn't worked. Could you keep him with you a little longer or find something more suited to a small baby.

INeedNewShoes · 03/09/2019 00:06

The not taking a bottle is, to me, a sign that he was probably not relaxed.

DD at 6m used to refuse her bottle while I was working (she was being looked after in my house while I tutored) but then would take it from me once I finished work (even though the boob was then available to her). It improved over time but she was being looked after 1-2-1 and I felt confident she was being well cared for.

I really feel for you OP as I know you're torn between your need to work and the nursery not working out. I really think you need to accept it hasn't worked out and hunt for a new childcare setting.

I notice on my village Facebook group that people ask for childminder recommendations. Or if you say on this thread roughly where you are someone may have a recommendation.

OneStepSideways · 03/09/2019 07:14

I think the best nurseries are small ones that mix the age groups. DD went to a baby room in a nursery with age segregation at 7 months-15 months but was always mixed in with the toddlers by pick up or when they didn't have enough staff. So I moved her to a small nursery: 16 children of all ages, a big room with an area sectioned off for babies (sort of Perspex high fencing so the babies had their own 'room' but could still watch the older kids and hear what was going on). The baby staff would bring the babies into the garden or out in the main room for special events with the 2-5 year olds. Lots of the 2-5 year olds had baby siblings so enjoyed spending time together. There was also a separate maths room with small blocks etc that only preschoolers could use.

Remember lots of the babies in the baby room have older siblings so it's no less germy than other rooms!

WhyBirdStop · 03/09/2019 13:35

The nursery DS starts in two weeks is only small and fairly new, they have been open with me and said that they do not have enough babies for a 0-12 room at this stage, so they have widened the age range to 18 months for now, DS will be ten and a half months when he starts so that actually suits or he'd be moving room after 6 weeks. They will all be in the baby room at its large and has the attached sleeping room, there will be several children 12-18 months. They have been open and communicative and DSs needs will be met and they have extra staff ratios to ensure the needs and developments of the babies and toddlers are met (they are in need of fewer staff by running one instead of two rooms for the younger ages but are keeping the staff for both rooms) . I wouldn't be happy in your scenario, it's hard enough for them to settle in workout being shunted around with different collagen, different staff and I'd assume limited contact with their key worker. They also haven't handled the situation in a professional way.

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