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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to complain to my baby's nursery and refuse to pay fees

82 replies

nestisflown · 02/09/2019 12:02

This is probably very identifying but it's my 6 month old's first day at nursery today and although he's meant to be there all day, I've only dropped him off for a few hours because I'm concerned he's so unsettled there due to the way the nursery have handled his settling in.

We signed him up to the baby room (normal age range is 4-12 months old but they often have 1 year olds waiting to move up). However, in his settling in sessions he's been shuffled around between 3 rooms - the baby room and the two toddler rooms where the are even 2 year olds and a lot more children.

I dropped him off today expecting him to finally be in the baby room given it's his start date - and I was told he was in one of the toddler rooms again. I asked the nursery manager when he would be back in the baby room - and they said not until the start of October when there are enough babies for the room. I asked them whether they could at least ensure he only was in one of the toddler rooms until October and I was told they couldn't guarantee that as they put him in whichever room has enough availability.

My concerns are:

  • DS won't be able to settle being shipped between 3 different rooms, given there are 3 different lots of staff and children, and 3 different environments and layouts to get used to.

-a 6 month old baby shouldn't be in a room with 15 toddlers and there's no way he'll be relaxed enough to sleep/ feed (by contrast the baby room has a maximum capacity of 6 babies). To date in all of his settles in the toddler rooms, he's refused to sleep and feed (which is why I've only put him in for a few hours today as I don't want to starve him/ stress him out too much).

  • DS will pick up more germs going between different rooms. My experience with my older child has been that they get sick when they start nursery and change rooms. I'm worried this will be exacerbated by being in 3 different environments.

-the staff in the toddler rooms don't know how to handle babies. An example of this is when I dropped DS off for a settle a couple of weeks ago and I told the staff that took DS that he was due a feed in an hour (DS was staying for 2 hours). The staff told me that tea wouldn't be served until after DS finished his settle anyway. I asked her what she meant, and she explained that they couldn't give DS food in an hour because the children weren't due food altogether until after DS left. I had to tell her that DS doesn't eat food - he's 5 months old, and so when I said feed I meant the milk and bottle in his bag. She laughed and said "Ohh..we're not used to babies in here". Confused

-he's normally a very chilled, happy baby, and he's been so upset at the settles, and he's also starting to be really grisly and upset at home, and I'm worried it's to do with nursery.

Sorry for my long post, but would I be unreasonable to complain to my baby's nursery? And WIBU to tell them that if they can't ensure that DS is only in 1 room with 1 set of staff and children during his first month at nursery, then I won't be bringing him in or paying fees until they are ready to open up the baby room for him? I'm not sure if it's the emotions from my young baby starting nursery, or whether I have valid concerns about their handling of the situation which is why I'm asking here.

OP posts:
Ceebs85 · 02/09/2019 14:11

My 7 month old is often in the toddler room when I collect him but that's only because the day I send him is a quiet nursery day and it makes sense to pool together. Having said that the room I pick him up from is age 1-2 and I don't have any concerns about his care, he's very happy.

The stuff about germs is by the by I think, but the rest is concerning. They shouldn't have said they had space for him if they weren't intending to offer him what you're paying for and what you signed up for

HaileySherman · 02/09/2019 14:14

Yeah I wouldn't cause any type of commotion where I'd subsequently be leaving my defenseless baby who can't speak to tell you what's happening. I think if it's not up to par, don't pay but don't ever leave him there again either. I don't mean to sound paranoid but you can't be too careful. Babies are too precious. I'd find a new place. Sorry. I went through something similar when i went back to work, my kids were almost 3 and almost 4. When they started the program was excellent with an excellent director. By the time I removed them, it was a shit-show money grubbing hell-hole. About a year after i left they closed down in the middle of the day, bankrupt, owner came in, told everyone they were out of jobs, call parents to get their kids. Longtime employees were crying, etc. Trust your instinct.

PrincessScarlett · 02/09/2019 14:18

Sounds to me like the nursery is not very well managed and they are cutting costs by having the bare minimum of staff.

Your baby should not be in the toddler room. The baby room should be open and staffed whether they have 2 babies or 6. It's a ridiculous notion that they would potentially close the baby room if they lost their full quota of babies. They are not safeguarding your baby properly.

LL83 · 02/09/2019 14:18

They can't have one person in the baby room because it isn't cost effective and it can be difficult to make a profit in a nursery, margins can be very tight.

All staff will be able to care for babies. Your baby will be able to relax and play with the older ones around they should be well supervised. And moving from room to room is also something your baby will get used to. However if you are not comfortable and have other options then change it. If you have no other options then I think give it a try, October isn't too long.

fancytiles · 02/09/2019 14:19

Yes agree, there should be a baby room/rooms open and staffed no matter how many babies there are!

HeadintheiClouds · 02/09/2019 14:20

It’s a very poor sign that they allowed op to accept a place without making that very clear, though. She wasn’t given the option to refuse.

ItsJustASimpleLine · 02/09/2019 14:24

My DS until last month was the only baby on mornings on his nursery day then one of 2 in the afternoon. He was often merged with the toddler room aged 2-3 but his key worker goes with him and is responsible for him therefore he keeps the normal baby room routine. The two rooms are linked and all of the toddlers and babies have there lunch together in the baby room so all children are used to both spaces and all the key workers. However theres a quiet room separate for nap time that's used by them all so they can maintain nap times. If you want to stay I think you need to speak with them about these arrangements and make sure the key worker for the baby room is looking after your baby.

londonrach · 02/09/2019 14:30

You cant not pay BUT i would move my baby from that situation. You need another nursery. Yanbu

ChildminderMum · 02/09/2019 14:43

It's normal for nurseries to condense rooms together and move staff and children around to ensure minimum staffing.

It's unfortunate that your DS is the only very young baby so he is likely to always be slotted in with older children. Lots of people take a full year mat leave now so babies tend to be nearer a year when they start nurseries.

I wouldn't be happy with this though and would ask more questions about whether he is actually in a 1:3 ratio.

chocolatemademefat · 02/09/2019 15:03

I decided YABU but only because I get the feeling a childminder would be a better match for you. The childminders I mix with only take one baby at a time - I know others will take more - and the baby benefits from a one to one relationship with the childminder. On the other hand your baby will enjoy watching the other children at nursery but I think you need more peace of mind about leaving him. I hope it works out for you.

goldfinchfan · 02/09/2019 15:08

I do hope that you postpone going back to work and search for an alternative to this nursery. it really doesn't not sound safe enough for a precious vulnerable baby.

TamarindCove · 02/09/2019 15:10

It wouldn't be economically viable to have the baby room open for 1/2 babies but you should have been told.

My children went to 2 different nurseries. One of them merged rooms when numbers were low and the other was a smaller nursery that had all children in one room permanently.

My children were not as young as yours when they started so the setup never bothered me or my children but I understand why you're not happy.

Could you extend your maternity leave until October and see if the other babies materialise and look for a childminder in the interim in case they don't?

KirstyJC · 02/09/2019 15:26

When ours were in nursery the baby room was more expensive than the toddler room, presumably due to higher staffing costs.

If they are not putting him in the baby room, are they still charging you for the baby room price?

Kungfupanda67 · 02/09/2019 15:41

It depends whether he will always be with his key worker. I think he’ll be fine moving rooms if he’s got the continuity of care provider. Have they reassured you that he will always be with his key worker?

The baby room at our nursery is up to when they’re 2, so I personally wouldn’t be concerned with the babies in with the toddlers.

Timandra · 02/09/2019 15:50

A six month old baby needs his keyworker to be caring for him all the time he's there during the settling in period and for there to be one or (max) two other people also building a bond with him so they can step in when the keyworker isn't available.

The role of keyworker is sometimes interpreted as being the person who completes the paperwork about a child. That's wrong. The keyworker should build a stable bond with the child as they settle in and remain an important source of emotional support to them.

Your baby should not be cared for by new people every day who don't know him and aren't used to caring for babies of his age. That's awful.

I would move him to a different setting where he will build good relationships early on.

NewAccount270219 · 02/09/2019 16:11

DS won't be able to settle being shipped between 3 different rooms, given there are 3 different lots of staff and children, and 3 different environments and layouts to get used to.

It's the people, not the rooms, that he'll settle with - definitely complain (I think this sounds shocking) but focus on this bit. Being in different rooms wouldn't matter so much if he had consistent staff, but it sounds like he isn't.

Contact some of those nurseries (and I would contact childminders too) that said they had a one year waiting list. I recently had to find new childcare for DS with a month's notice and it was actually easier than when I was looking when I was still pregnant for a year in the future - and he is now at a nursery that told me they had no space when I enquired a year in advance. Saving a space for someone involves a lot of juggling, calculation and risk for them - a good chance of having space empty for a while - whereas if you say 'do you have a space, right now?' that's a simple yes/no question.

likeacrow · 02/09/2019 16:20

I've not read the full post but I'd say listen to your instincts and take him out of the nursery if you're worried. Could you find a childminder instead? They can generally give more one to one attention and nurturing.

ethelfleda · 02/09/2019 16:31

Change nurseries, OP. They sound awful. You won’t be able to relax... even if he is in the baby room.
The part about them giving him food instead of milk was ridiculous!

MRex · 02/09/2019 16:48

They don't seem to have any concept of the point of a key worker, so I'd already have pulled DS out. It would be better to find a childminder or nanny share until you can get into a better nursery. I think they can be better for child development anyway until kids get more social.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 02/09/2019 16:51

YANBU (except for the germs point).

This would unsettle me.

To echo previous posters an alternative needs to be found, it’s just not right what they’re doing.

Silverlining101 · 02/09/2019 16:54

I'm not sure why you've left your baby there at all. Surely you would get this issue ironed out before his first day, not after it.

nestisflown · 02/09/2019 16:58

I've just checked the contract and the notice period is 2 months to remove a child from nursery. I'm not sure how to waive the notice period but I definitely don't want him going in again.

When I picked him up today (after just 4 hours) - he had refused the bottle again... But drank it as soon as we got home (he was desperately hungry). He also wouldn't sleep when he was put down, only when held. But he went down after his feed when we got home. Maybe he's too hungry to sleep at nursery? And too stressed to feed?

OP posts:
NewAccount270219 · 02/09/2019 16:58

I'm not sure why you've left your baby there at all. Surely you would get this issue ironed out before his first day, not after it.

That's unfair and a bit nasty. OP has said that she thought the issue was a temporary one during settling-in, and that she thought it would change once he had officially started. She only found out this morning that it hadn't changed, and wouldn't for a while.

dublinmama1 · 02/09/2019 17:06

move him

Kolo · 02/09/2019 17:13

@nestisflown I’ve successfully complained and had all my fees reimbursed, and it was over an issue far less than you’re describing. I’d write a letter of complaint and explain that you want a refund.

Sounds like the nursery have handled this situation badly. It is best practice to not leave a member of staff alone with children at that age, so I imagine they felt that it wasn’t financially viable to open the baby room until the other babies ‘arrive’ in October and they can justify 2 member of staff or more. But if that was their decision, they should have put a much better plan in place to make sure your baby was well cared for and settled in appropriately.

You may feel that by October, when the baby room is open, it is a suitable setting. Certainly you’ve got a lot to think about if you have an older child at the setting already. Are you happy with their care so far? Are they settled and happy?

Or you can find another setting if you’ve lost faith. It’s very difficult to build lost faith back up when we’re talking about our children.

I used a nursery for my own 2 children until
They were school age, then I started up my own childcare setting, so I have some experience of eyfs, nurseries and ofsted. Although I wouldn’t say what you described goes against safeguarding (assuming the staff you spoke to was actually qualified and just being a bit ditzy about the milk/feed), it definitely doesn’t seem they’ve planned the best start for your child and I wouldn’t be happy with the current situation you’re describing. fWIW, at the nursery my children eventually attended, the baby room was for 0-2, toddler 2-3 and 3+ was pre-school room. It worked really well.

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