To think most parents don't know that rearfacing DCs is safer?

[mumaw]

I'm in Facebook groups that specialise in advice for mainly extended rear facing car seats. It's proven that rear facing your child is much, much safer (in fact 500% safer) than front facing.

But I never see anybody RF'ing their child and don't know anybody that does either.

Is it just a case of parents not knowing that its safer?

• Not being in a car crash in the first place is the thing that most protected my children from being injured in a car crash.

That in turn was mostly dictated by my attention to the road and any approaching risk points.*

The problem is you are not the only driver on the road! What about the 40-tonne artic that crashed through the central reservation on the motorway and hits you head on? Or the texting driver who goes sideways into you? Or the boy racer who takes a corner too fast and too wide?

If all that really mattered were your driving skills then perhaps you'd be happy enough not to bother with your own seatbelt?

My daughter rear faced until she turned 4. We bought a Cybex Sirona.

But I also chose to formula feed.

🤯

I know but don't because the seat Social Services provided me doesn't rear face, I do put the seat in the middle of the back seat in an effort to minimise risk of injury in the event of an accident.

I know. I choose to take the risk. Judge me all you like.

I turned him around once the car seat said you could. I think it was 16 months. He screamed every car journey rear facing, it was hard to concentrate to drive anywhere, but once front facing he was fine. You can also see them more easily. To me the extra risk is worth it, as I can now be more reflexed driving. He is also tall 98th centipele and I don't like the squashed legs look, my DC can't cross his chunky legs even now at 3.

I FF at 9 months because I didn't have a lot of choice. I knew RF was safer, but the extended RF that would fit my car at the time were £££. I simply couldn't afford to.

I bought the very best FF car seat I could afford, but that doesn't mean I was happy about it, or unaware that RF would be better.

Imagine being such a boring twunt that you A) notice what sorts of car seats other people have, and
B) feel the need to get all sanctimonious about it.
Don't normal people just get drop-off done as quickly as possible, without carrying out some sort of judgey car seat census?

I rear faced my older two until they each reached the 25kg limit, which for one child was 5.5 and the other just turned 5. I wish I could have gone on for longer. Baby will be rf as long as possible.

When it came to what other people do, I really try to keep my eyes down and my nose out. I only really spoke about car seat choices with baby group friends but didn’t become drawn into discussions about reasons for rf or ff tbh, because I felt people were looking to me to counter their issues with rf seats. I don’t know what it’s like to have a child who is car sick all the time. My kids didn’t complain about not being able to see where they are going. Yes, the rf seats are expensive, but we prioritised that spending over other things. My kids folded their legs or dangled them and the eldest only complained a little towards the end of their time in the rf seat - I could explain why it was safer and she accepted this. Those are my experiences and choices and, while I don’t really understand other people’s reasons to ff kids early, I don’t actually care what they do with their kids because it doesn’t impact me.

Oddly enough though, my stance on not discussing this didn’t stop people questioning or commenting on my decision to rf. When people noticed the rf seats we’d get lots of comments... my dc would never cope with doing that, it’s such a shame they can’t see out the window. They will break their legs if you have an accident! They’re too old for those seats, surely it’s not right that they’re still rf, they’re not babies. You’d have more space in your car if you ff... I never quite managed to work out the best response to these uninvited comments - I don’t want to insult other people’s choices but the factual answer is that I rf because it is safer for my children. I don’t want to lecture people on car safety - they can do what they like.

My DS is 15 months and I'm considering switching him to FF. He hates the car. I have a Joie stages and it looks so uncomfortable.

We use a FF for him when he is at inlaws and he is totally fine in it and looks comfortable.

Dinoctoblock
You make a very good point. It's somehow socially acceptable to question and criticise the decision to use rear-facing seats, but woe betide anyone who dares to point out that rear-facing is safer than forward-facing! This thread is a case in point. It seems to have turned into a big backlash against rear-facing with people piling in to list all the negatives and insult anyone who dares to express concern about the increased dangers of forward facing. It almost seems as if some posters are proud to declare that they have or intend to turn their babies forward facing, as if it makes them somehow cooler and more laid back that the parents who want to keep them rear facing.

Of course there will be some situations in which parents weigh up the benefits and risks and decide that forward facing is better for their child (travel sickness and other factors).

But why that justifies all the aggressive vitriol is beyond me.

Now I expect I will get lots of it directed at me of course.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland,

Amongst his friends at school, DS2, age 5, seems fairly average in height, when the class stands in a line at pick up, they all seem to be of similar height, apart from maybe two or three (out of thirty). DS1, age 7, on the other hand is a titch and tiny compared to his class, who are all younger than him.

Where I live it is the law that children RF till at least 4. More people have four wheel drives, the motorways are generally 50-60 mph speed limits, and you have to have winter and summer tyres. I read that there was only one recorded child fatality in a car in 2015.

People don't talk about it because there isn't the choice. My kids have never complained about RF and I have not heard friends say theirs did either, but I suppose many must have problems with car sickness etc.

I hope that once new legislation comes into play in the uk then there will be a shift to this sort of attitude. I think we paid £190 for our eldest's seat which does 9-25kg RF only (and is a complete bugger to fit!).

3.5 yrs and 22 months and RF for both. They are absolutely safer to rear face but so many people decide not. Some have genuine reasons like a they can’t afford the seat (no point getting sniffy, some genuinely can’t) or their child suffers car sickness so whilst it’s not ideal, you have to do the best you can

It’s the parents who know, and FF anyway from ridiculously young age “just because I don’t like how it looks” or it looks uncomfortable.

Watch the videos. There is no getting away from it. Rear facing is safer

DD rear faces. My DH’s step mum was looking after her last weekend and wanted to put her in a forward facing seat which is too big for her, we made sure we switched our car seat with hers. DD is a tiny 15lb 15 month old so is not ready to be turned and I want to keep her rear facing as long as possible.

Step mother in law thought we were mad as her granddaughter has been FF from 9 months (she’s huge!)

It's somehow socially acceptable to question and criticise the decision to use rear-facing seats, but woe betide anyone who dares to point out that rear-facing is safer than forward-facing!

It's bizarre. I'm amazed the minimum age for FF hasn't been increased yet. It's not like the knowledge about the dangers of FF for immature spines hasn't been known for ages.
DH researched car seats when I was pregnant, and car safety in general as mine was about due to be changed. The result was I got a Volvo, and a Volvo rear facing second-stage seat which we used till DD was about 4. It was expensive, and had to be fitted by the garage but it was well designed and pretty much the only RF seat available then after the

I think people know but they don't have to so they don't.
I do think travel sickness and how you keep a child with long legs rear facing are also huge factors though.
Me personally I have a fear of a lorry coming at the back of us and squashing the child. Clearly in that situation not a lot would help but this thought really puts me off.

I don’t think people mind hearing the well informed message about RF.

I think I and others mind the silly, hectoring fervour which some PPs use on here as a way of saying but didn’t you know? And yet you still choose to...?!

At the end of the day, legislation is what will make people act.

Until then, care for your DCs however you choose. If you FF, don’t feel bad - someone else will be along shortly to help try and make you feel so.

If your only child is a baby I guess you have never tried to wrestle a screaming, vomit covered 3 year old from a car, into nursery whilst also negotiating a younger baby? Thought not.

I know a fair bit about ERF so decided to RF my kids as long as possible. My eldest was RF until he was 3y 8m, he screamed every time he got into the car and got car sick to the extent where he’d need a whole new outfit after the 15 minute nursery run. The chances of us getting into an accident are small, but are made much higher if I have a screaming child in the back. So he went FF after that. He is 4.5 now and 14kg so can’t go into a HBB yet. At the time I posted for advice on one of the FB car seat groups you mentioned, but just got lectured for having him FF. Not very helpful or useful. My youngest is 18m and will RF for as long as he can tolerate. That might be until he is 2, or 4+. Who knows. Don’t assume that people are ignorant as to the risks because they aren’t following the recommendation of RF til age 4. Most of them have done their research and made the decision that works for them.

It wasn't the advice when my daughter was little bit no way she could have done it until 4 as she is very tall for her age and would have had to put her legs behind her head. She also would not have liked not being able to see anything. She has no car seat now at 8 unless for very long distances as she is over the height requirement.

DS2.5 screams and gets car sick RF.

So we do what we would do if he screamed and got car sick FF - DH goes in the back with him, we open the windows, take plenty of breaks, limit food and drink two hours before any long journeys, carry sick bags, and distract him with I-spy and songs (“Chase and Marshall on the bus go Nee-naa Nee-naa”, anyone? That was a fucking long trip).

He also screams when it’s bath time, when he has to go to nursery, and when we say he can’t drink my coffee. Life with toddlers is all about dealing with them screaming about being made to do things they don’t want to do. His strength of feeling doesn’t have any impact on whether he has to do it or not. I’ve seen enough fatal paeds RTAs that this is as non-negotiable for him as seatbelts are for me.

My 2 year old 50th percentile DD can see out of the rear windscreen and out of the windows from her ERF seat. I know this because I get a running commentary about the traffic behind us, the trees to the side, the moon, a tractor etc. They absolutely can see out from ERF seats. With a mirror on the headrest she can see a bit of my face and can see out of the front of the car a little too.

I understand some of the reasons (car sickness) for not rear facing but restricted view just doesn't tally for me.

I think what would lead to more people buying them is just seeing them in shops. Had to buy our erf seat online and that felt weird.
At 7 lots of dd's school friends are in no car seat at all, and often in the front of the car. Which I think is madness.

@NameChangeForLocalThread we have a dog guard for ddog which actually makes it quite hard to see out the rear windscreen, but it's safer than the dog jumping over. ( I have sensors and reserving camera which helps for parking.)

Oh and my friends son got a burn from a mirror on his forehead on a hot day. It must of been an unfortunate angle it directed the sun onto him. I did have a mirror when DS was rear facing, but I found it quite hard to see really.

I actually see a lot of young kids in the front seats too. It's one of those things, I actually know rear facing is best, but I don't do it now.

That's interesting about the mirror re sunburn. That hadn't occurred to me.

I have to say that I've wondered about the safety of the mirrors for other reasons, like is there a risk they'd detach on impact and become a missile in the car.

I'm very strict with myself about not getting distracted looking at DD in the mirror too much but even with the best will in the world they do also pose a risk with drawing attention away from the road.

Namechange it depends a bit on the car and on the seat. We use Zipcar so we’ve tried the same seat in lots of cars. DS can see out of the window in a Golf, a Peugeot 206 and in most SUVs we’ve used, but he couldn’t see out in the saloon car we hired in Canada (which is probably why he threw up every day of that two week fly-drive holiday ).