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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stop the coup demo instead of meal with DH

91 replies

PaulaProctor · 02/09/2019 09:46

Our DC will be at their grandparents for one night this week, so I suggested a meal out with DH.
Since then I found out there is a 'stop the coup' demonstration in our town. It coincides with when I would be meeting DH in the town he works in.
We hardly ever get to go out together so DH is annoyed that I want to go to the demo instead of meeting him for an evening out.
He sees the demo as pointless and ultimately not achieving anything. I see it as an outlet for my utter rage at the savage man who has been allowed to take the reins of this country in such an undemocratic way and he is going to destroy us because he fundamentally doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself and his position of power. I am talking BJ here of course.
SO, AIBU to want to ditch a rare night out for a demo?

OP posts:
Ligresa · 02/09/2019 12:18

If you are going to sit glowering resentfully at DH over the salmon mousse, then the demo is probably a better idea.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 02/09/2019 12:19

DH often guilts me into things

I think its quite sad that you would consider him being sulky because you want to cancel plans for dinner with him to attend a Demo as him guilting you into things.

The much more likely reason is because he's genuinely annoyed that you would rather go to the Demo than spend time 1-1 with him having a meal that you suggested to begin with.

SolitudeAtAltitude · 02/09/2019 12:23

Go to the demo, get it out of your system, feel good about yourself having "done something"

I see quite a few friends who are tearing their hair out at BJ, and this political mess, and instead of ranting on social media, just go and rant outside Wink

You can demo together then have dinner together? Compromise?

GoodbyeRosie · 02/09/2019 12:32

Some utterly depressing, apathetic comments in this thread.

It is little wonder our politicians believe they can tell lie after lie and behave with impunity. Our country is being ripped apart by a rich, public school tosser and his shameless acolytes, and people think it's better to go for a seafood rissotto in Zizis then protest about it.

If you stand for nothing, you fall for anything.

See you all in the food and medicine queues.

SequinnedSlippers · 02/09/2019 12:32

YANBU. An emergency has occurred that warrants a change to plans. You could easily have dinner after, or he could go to the protest with you.

Also, worth reposting this here:
Harvard 3.5pc rule to change the world

It’s an article about the fact that non-violent protest is the most effective way of bringing about change. And that when a threshold of 3.5% of the population is actively engaged in protesting, the protest is always successful.

So it is worth protesting and protesting does lead to change. Perhaps that might help your DH understand why you are doing this?

PotatoShape · 02/09/2019 12:39

But if op isn't at the demo, how will she get all the selfies of her to post on social media, her virtue signalling needs optics.

BonnesVacances · 02/09/2019 12:41

It's a dinner FFS! Hmm (To PP not OP) I can't imagine not attending the demo tbh. DH & I would just grab a bag of chips and bond over our shared activism. Grin

There are RL threats to our food supplies affecting our dinners for the next few months. Not to mention medical supplies. Seems funny to me that folk would rather eat one meal with their DH than fight for all the rest.

Ligresa · 02/09/2019 12:41

Can't you just change the day that the gps have them? Then you can go to the demo and go out with dh another day.

campion · 02/09/2019 12:44

Go to the protest and explain to DH that he doesn't have a monopoly on disappointment. You're doing something positive about yours (standing up for your beliefs) and he can find another date for dinner.
Desperate times etc...

NurseButtercup · 02/09/2019 12:52

YANBU go to the demo.
If I could get time off work I would also be going to at least one demo.

Original poster
PaulaProctor · 02/09/2019 12:56

Ok, again I would like to point out that I am not doing this for 'virtue signalling' @potatoshape. I seriously hate pictures of myself and I'm not on Instagram anyway.

I agree that once you said you would do something you should do it. However, I suggested dinner before BJ decided to prorogue parliament.

I think it is sad that DH guilts me into things. He does it often. Our relationship is a bit shitty so maybe I should try and make it less shitty so that we are a united front when it all goes tits up here.

He definitely wouldn't come with me to the demo.

OP posts:
OhYouBadBadKitten · 02/09/2019 12:56

Are there other demos organised in your local area?

www.stopthecoup.org.uk/

Yes, it is really really important that people get out to demos to show how them feel and also because then we know that we've taken the right side of history.

But it also needs to be balanced with maintaining time with families. Things are rapidly turning to scary shit and those ties will help ground us and will help support each other when things get rockier.

I hope you can find a good compromise between the both of you.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 02/09/2019 12:56

That was a well timed x-post.

GREATAUNT1 · 02/09/2019 12:58

Go on the demo, there’s nothing wrong with standing up & fighting for what you believe in. At least you’re doing something. Tell MrPointless that he can go home & cook a special meal for you both.

InterestingView · 02/09/2019 12:58

I dont think the basis of your relationship should be so you can be a "united front" etc it's not the zombie apocalypse Confused it's either love and worth saving or not.

catlady3 · 02/09/2019 13:01

IMO, doesn't matter that the demo itself probably won't "do" anything. This isn't so much about having a direct impact, it is about getting the objection to what is happening on the record, and also giving MPs and others who might be in a position to ACTUALLY do something encouragement. They need to know there is support out there.

So I don't think you're unreasonable. I think your DH sounds a bit unreasonable as there is a compromise available (go out in home town, or wait for you). Could you offer to pick up something nice from a takeaway and have a romantic night in?

If this were me, at this point in my life, I'd go to the demo, having offered several compromises. It's a two-way street and this is important to you, he should respect that IMO.

Starlight2004 · 02/09/2019 13:05

If you feel strongly about the demo then go! To many people have strong feelings about this but are being far to polite/ too quiet/ just don't care quite enough or just don't really know what to do about it! I'm sure some kind of compromise with DH can be found.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 02/09/2019 13:06

I think it is sad that DH guilts me into things. He does it often. Our relationship is a bit shitty so maybe I should try and make it less shitty so that we are a united front when it all goes tits up here.

What do you mean when you say he tries to guilt you into things? Do you mean like spending time together or doing stuff just the two of you?

It doesn't sound like much of a relationship from what you have said. Although that's a separate issue to whether or not you cancel plans together it might be worth thinking about if you have a future relationship together

Bluddyhateful · 02/09/2019 13:27

Go to the demo. go up to an organiser. Tell them you want to be counted but can’t stay for long. The reason that street protests are meaningful is precisely because everyone has chosen to disrupt their normal life to be there.

Selmababies · 02/09/2019 16:13

To those saying that a demo acheives nothing, look at the Poll Tax demos in 1990.
People who had never been to a demonstration in their lives took to the streets en masse to voice the strength of their opposition to it. The unfair Poll tax was about to come into force but was actually abandoned as a result of the opposition shown by so many ordinary people.
If having a meal after work with a partner is seen as so vitally important by so many of you, then perhaps the simple solution would be to get a babysitter on a different evening, so that op can attend the demo.
Given that DH often guilts the op into things, I'd also say that she needs to also find her voice to challenge him about this. Seize the Day, OP and stand up for two issues at once!

Selmababies · 02/09/2019 16:16

Go to the demo. go up to an organiser. Tell them you want to be counted but can’t stay for long.

No, don't do this, even if you could 'find the organiser'.
You'll look like an idiot who thinks the organiser has a handheld clicker to literally count each person

FuckFacePlatapus · 02/09/2019 16:17

It is pointless your Dh is right.

Krisskrosskiss · 02/09/2019 16:18

YANBU why not go to the demo together and then go for a pint afterwards? How late is the demo gonna go on for? Surely there will be somewhere still doing food after it finishes?
Even if not, he should understand that it's important to you... my husband certainly would and vice versa... I'd not be happy in any relationship where a partner thought our plans were more important than a political demonstration... but luckily I'm married to someone who has the same view about that... wed not prevent each other from attending a demo just because wed made plans as a couple.
I mean if it's something you care deeply about and it's a rare occurrence surely that should take priority over a meal which you can do at another time... even if you have to wait a whole for another opportunity.

joystir59 · 02/09/2019 16:19

Good grief, go and have dinner!

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