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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report my bullying brother

75 replies

DayDreamer387 · 02/09/2019 04:03

So my brother knows that I have Aspergers and am slightly vulnerable.

He describes himself as an ‘alpha male’ whilst others around him (in the family) are ‘beta males’.

On Saturday, me and my mum took him out for a day.

He wanted everything to be his way and refused to wait for his mum to get something she needed.

He got very angry and whilst in Greggs, started shouting and swearing publicly things like ‘I didn’t fucking get out of bed for this...’ (at 2.40pm) and stormed off and got the train home.

Before he did though, he attempted to pour a 2 litre bottle of water over my head but just ended up hitting em with it instead and making me flinch before he went of home on his own.

Everyone in the store was shocked and looked around.

I just said something like - don’t work, he’s already been arrested for throwing a bottle of water at his 83 year old grandad earlier this year so this isn’t a surprise. (This happened at 3.30am at my Grandad’s house, who went straight to the Police after he went to bed).

I am tempted to ask Greggs for a SAR for a copy of the CCTV of what happened so that I can make a report, as I felt very threatened by him.

OP posts:
Original poster
DayDreamer387 · 02/09/2019 04:04

*don’t worry, he’s... (not ‘work’)

OP posts:
Original poster
DayDreamer387 · 02/09/2019 04:10

Do you think that this is depression, or just an abuse of old people?:

So a member of my family seems a little out of control recently. He was arrested a few months ago for throwing a bottle of water at my Grandad. He only escaped prosecution as the charges were dropped given that my Grandad very sadly passed away recently due to natural causes.My grandparents (particularly my nana) have raised him since he was a child and absolutely spoilt him - he has always has the best, and everything he wanted.However, despite my grandad’s recent passing, he still treats my nana appallingly. He calls her a whore and tells her repeatedly to off is she asks him to tidy his room. He is physically aggressive and has smashed tables, windows and doors at my grandparents house.He didn’t speak to my Grandad for over a year before he died after he smashed a window at his house with a stone.Is there anything that I can say to him that will try to get him to stop getting so angry? A few weeks ago, my nana had a breakdown and was on the point of tears with it all. He doesn’t really leave the house and spends much of his time on the internet - often until 5am and then sleeping throughout the day until 4pm. He’s not really even leaving the house anymore, despite consistent encouragement from family members.Family members have booked GP appointments for him, but he won’t go or engage. I am not sure if he is going through genuine depression, or is his behaviour just abusive? He was taken to A and E before during a breakdown (where he smashed a table), however, he professed that he was fine when services tried to follow up on things.Is there anything that can be said to him before he either gets himself into serious criminal trouble?

He seems very comfortable to be the ‘alpha male’ in the family, but would never do this outside.

He let me read some of the messages he sends out to people on the internet - often to those overseas. The messages are often sweary and horrible to read. I think the internet is making him very aggressive in real life. He often swears whilst he is at his laptop.

OP posts:
Original poster
DayDreamer387 · 02/09/2019 04:11

*tells her repeatedly to fuck off...

OP posts:
Original poster
DayDreamer387 · 02/09/2019 04:16

No wonder my manual health has taken a Knick this weekend. I miss my grandad even more, as I know that he would have just got my brother punished by the police for what he has done since he has passed away. My nana lets him get away with everything.

For example, after my grandad reported him to the police and had him arrested (for my brother very clearly throwing a bottle at him), my nana want over the the police station and said ‘it wasn’t his fault’. Moreover, my nana didn’t speak to my grandad for months and made him cook all of his own meals after he reported my brother to the police. I think he was right to do so. What 83 year old man deserves to have their arm bruised by someone throwing a water bottle at them?

OP posts:
Original poster
DayDreamer387 · 02/09/2019 04:18

*no wonder my mental health has taken a knock this weekend...

OP posts:
seeleym · 02/09/2019 04:23

Your posts make very little sense, it's like you've put two different threads. You say he doesn't behave like this out of the house in one and then that he attacked you in GREGGS in another. I'm struggling to understand what is happening, sorry.

Original poster
DayDreamer387 · 02/09/2019 04:27

Hi Seeleym,

Sorry - one I made about him not doing it out of the house we’re my thoughts to someone from a few weeks ago that I copied to this thread to
to save me typing it all out again. I thought there might have been some confusion and I should have explained.

I feel that things have taken a turn for the worse since then, particularly Saturday, given how comfortable he clearly felt doing what he did in Greggs in front of the whole cafe.

OP posts:
Alicewond · 02/09/2019 04:27

Have you spoken to your mum about all this?

Original poster
DayDreamer387 · 02/09/2019 04:27

*the one I made about him...

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Original poster
DayDreamer387 · 02/09/2019 04:29

Sorry - I am typing from a mobile device here (not very well, clearly), so that is why I am making a lot of typos (small keyboard and quite tired).

OP posts:
BlackCatSleeping · 02/09/2019 04:30

I think you can’t change how the rest of your family deals with him, but given his behavior problems, why were you and your mum taking him out for the day?

Go no contact with him.

Monty27 · 02/09/2019 04:32

You say you have Aspergers
Has dB ever been diagnosed?

BitOfFun · 02/09/2019 04:33

How old is he?

Original poster
DayDreamer387 · 02/09/2019 04:33

It’s a hard one - taking him out for a day seemed a good idea on Saturday, as he is always on the internet (completely addicted in my opinion) and it was a way to get him out and about - and off of the laptop. He also wanted to go out. I think he was annoyed that my mum came to be honest, so took his frustrations out on me.

OP posts:
Original poster
DayDreamer387 · 02/09/2019 04:33

18

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Monty27 · 02/09/2019 04:35

I don't understand what alpha/beta male/female thing suggests in terms of behaviour, or for that matter what it means

Original poster
DayDreamer387 · 02/09/2019 04:35

Hi Monty,

He refuses to even engage with his GP despite family members making appointments for him, so I doubt at present that he would go for a full assessment for Aspergers/anything.

OP posts:
whitebowls · 02/09/2019 04:35

He's not an alpha male. He's a violent, bullying, abusive arsehole.
Go NC. There is nothing positive to be gained from him.
Go to the police and report his assaults - especially the one in Greggs as it was witnessed by staff.
He's an absolute disgrace and needs prosecuting.

happychange · 02/09/2019 04:36

Definitely ask for the surveillance video from Greggs and get him prosecuted

HappyGoLuckyLuLu · 02/09/2019 04:37

Why is he being raised by grandparents when parents are around? Could this be something he resents?

Original poster
DayDreamer387 · 02/09/2019 04:37

His use of ‘alpha male’ no doubt refers to his belief in his mind that he is the dominant force in the family and that he can get anyone to subvert to his will by swearing/shouting/kicking off at them/smashing thugs up.

Us ‘beta’ members aren’t in a position to challenge his authority (in his mind).

He would NEVER act

OP posts:
HappyGoLuckyLuLu · 02/09/2019 04:37

PS sorry for loss of your granddad

Original poster
DayDreamer387 · 02/09/2019 04:37

...in this manner to people outside of the fanily

OP posts:
Original poster
DayDreamer387 · 02/09/2019 04:42

Dad left when we were very young (no contact since)

OP posts:
Ilnome · 02/09/2019 04:46

Hey lovely- there are lots of parallels between what you are saying and what I have experienced.
People often use the alpha/beta rhetoric when they are insecure or aware of their shortcomings so they can force things to suit them.
You may very well persue it but as it is a minor incident (I know that it is not minor to you) there may not be a big result. Just know that at 18 things are just beginning and you don’t need to keep in contact with people just because you are related. I actually went to a university in another country to get away from my bullying brother xx