To report my bullying brother

[DayDreamer387]

So my brother knows that I have Aspergers and am slightly vulnerable.

He describes himself as an ‘alpha male’ whilst others around him (in the family) are ‘beta males’.

On Saturday, me and my mum took him out for a day.

He wanted everything to be his way and refused to wait for his mum to get something she needed.

He got very angry and whilst in Greggs, started shouting and swearing publicly things like ‘I didn’t fucking get out of bed for this...’ (at 2.40pm) and stormed off and got the train home.

Before he did though, he attempted to pour a 2 litre bottle of water over my head but just ended up hitting em with it instead and making me flinch before he went of home on his own.

Everyone in the store was shocked and looked around.

I just said something like - don’t work, he’s already been arrested for throwing a bottle of water at his 83 year old grandad earlier this year so this isn’t a surprise. (This happened at 3.30am at my Grandad’s house, who went straight to the Police after he went to bed).

I am tempted to ask Greggs for a SAR for a copy of the CCTV of what happened so that I can make a report, as I felt very threatened by him.

You could call the police about the Greggs incident and see what they advise.
Your brother’s life sounds terrible.

Yes, report him.

He is out of control and is guilty of elder abuse if he's behaving like that to your grandma. He's a danger to her, and to the rest of your family and he needs to be dealt with appropriately.

Yes call the police, tell your mum and make sure you are never alone with him.

I think its worth reporting - probably nothing will happen. But just having another record of an offence with the police could be useful at some future time.
I do also think you just need to distance yourself from him. Protect yourself and protect your Mum. It doesn't sound as if there is much you can do for your Nan if she won't act.

And as for the poster who accused you of all being a family of overweight smokers - they were just showing their own prejudices.

Hmmmm, bolshy brother hits sister with plastic bottle or water.
Seems unlikely there's anything the police can do.
Especially if others downplay his behaviour. Could have bad ramifications for the OP if she winds everyone up.

There's a community of men in America called "incels". It stands for involuntarily celibate. They're a group of men who hate women, or like women but think women owe them something. Often describing themselves as alpha males.
They do things like throw water at women (and men who they perceive weak) and a large majority of the men involved in mass shootings are part of this group. I'd be very concerned he's gone that way. Do some research. And call the police.

@lovemenorca how are those remarks remotely helpful to the OP?

You don’t need the CCTV from Greggs. The police will review it after you make your complaint.
You need to go to the police this morning. Good luck.

@lovemenorca

Report it, and for your own sake go no contact. If you live in the same house, leave.

He's abusing vulnerable people (you're vulnerable because of your AS, grandmother because of her age). This is a safeguarding matter, and should be reported to adult social care. If I was involved professionally with your family, I would have a duty to report these events.

Your brother should not be living under the same roof as people who are vulnerable while he has these anger issues.

And, while I'm sorry to be rude about a member of your family, he sounds like a complete shit.

For the love of god report him. Not only that he needs to be kicked out of the house.

^Question

Are you all overweight?
Unemployed?

And less likely than above (but still very likely)
Smokers and drinkers?^

Question - Do you base all your opinions on stereotypes, Lovemenorca?

DayDreamer387, I do think that your brother is abusive to your grandmother, although it is possible that if you complain about his treatment of her and the police or social services investigate, they will argue that she understands what she is doing and so they cannot take any further action.

It also sounds as if your grandmother would not cooperate with any complaint, based on what happened when your grandad reported him to the police. Ultimately, things will only change if she realises that his behaviour is not acceptable.

is he looking for work or going to college. one day he will have to pay rent and bills.

Unnecessary comment goodlooking.

OP If you report to the police, hopefully it will result in him getting the help he so obviously needs and your grandmother getting some support.

He sounds like a narcissist. I would cut him off completely. I would get your mum to kick him out of he lives with her and cut him off. The worst thing you can do to someone with narcissistic personality disorders is to not pay them any attention. Hopefully in doing this he will stop what he is doing.

He's an adult, don't try and excuse his behaviour. He's just being a shitty person. You don't deserve it and you have the power to cut him out of your life and in doing so you will empower yourself. Some people don't deserve the rewards of having a lovely supportive family. You have to look out for number one. The more you give in to his bullying behaviour the more power and control he gains over the family. You call call the police but I very much doubt there is anything they can do without physical assault. Goodluck OP you and your family stay strong he will try and creep around you all but wait until his actions speak louder.

No concrete advice but in my opinion this will escalate the longer he goes unchallenged.
Report to police so its on record.
Would adult social care help your nan as she s vulnerable and to be honest I fear for an elderly lady living with such violence and anger from a strong young man?
Maybe you or your mum could have a chat with her/your GP?
How about your local council? I m not sure of how it works but surely if nan could be persuaded to evict him they would have to help? He sounds vulnerable himself but hard to prove without MH services involved.
At least if he got arrested next time it would kick some help into force?
I m sorry you are all living like this OP.

Why didnt your Mum bring him up? Did she bring you up?

You had another long thread including SAR yesterday

Book an appointment to see your specialist support worker or if you don’t have one then see the GP

Have you considered that he may also have autism?

If he does this in public what could he be doing in private, he scares you and he needs to be remove from your life. Please phone the police and log this and they will request the film but whatever you do don't let this go he will get worst with age and make your life hell. If he intimidates you after complaining to the police phone them every time as it's logged and an injunction is possible.

Registered specifically to echo @nameusernameuser's comments. It sounds like your brother is being radicalised online. He may not be an incel specifically but this is all reminiscent of behaviours of those involved in the alt-right. Teenage boys are particularly at risk. Definitely report and don't overlook the influence of these US-based "friends".

As soon as I read the part about being online on American forums, I thought “incels!”. Look up incels. Terrifying if he is one, he might be going down quite a dangerous path and you need to protect yourself and your grandmother.

I thought incels too. Unfortunately it's not illegal to get heavily into incel sites. Only when this angry young man commits a crime against someone other than his grandfather or grandmother will anyone take notice.

If your local authority has an elder abuse hotline, call it.