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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report my bullying brother

75 replies

DayDreamer387 · 02/09/2019 04:03

So my brother knows that I have Aspergers and am slightly vulnerable.

He describes himself as an ‘alpha male’ whilst others around him (in the family) are ‘beta males’.

On Saturday, me and my mum took him out for a day.

He wanted everything to be his way and refused to wait for his mum to get something she needed.

He got very angry and whilst in Greggs, started shouting and swearing publicly things like ‘I didn’t fucking get out of bed for this...’ (at 2.40pm) and stormed off and got the train home.

Before he did though, he attempted to pour a 2 litre bottle of water over my head but just ended up hitting em with it instead and making me flinch before he went of home on his own.

Everyone in the store was shocked and looked around.

I just said something like - don’t work, he’s already been arrested for throwing a bottle of water at his 83 year old grandad earlier this year so this isn’t a surprise. (This happened at 3.30am at my Grandad’s house, who went straight to the Police after he went to bed).

I am tempted to ask Greggs for a SAR for a copy of the CCTV of what happened so that I can make a report, as I felt very threatened by him.

OP posts:
Original poster
DayDreamer387 · 02/09/2019 04:55

He is so disgustingly arrogant that it upsets me to think about.

He only escaped prosecution for when he did my my grandad by virtue of him passing away. I’d have hoped he would have taken something from my grandad’s passing and changed his ways. Not at all. Since grandad passed away, he has became more like the ‘man of the house’ (in his mind), meaning that he can order people around.

OP posts:
Alicewond · 02/09/2019 04:59

Does he still live with you or does he live with your mum? You should call the police if you think anyone is in danger. Have you been offered counselling?

tolerable · 02/09/2019 05:07

does your brother have a diagnosis? (other than any that bullying nana,mum and sister earn him)if you are reluctant to call police..could you perhaps call social services?presumeably nana breaking down-despite idolising\fearing outbursts will be something they can advise or intervene with.should you feel threatened or fear for you,yer ma or nana because hes want to run about the pridelands do not hesitate in phoning police.

Original poster
DayDreamer387 · 02/09/2019 05:11

Hi Tolerable,

He won’t get off his computer (or out of bed) for a GP appointment, let alone engage medically with a GP or any other service. People have tried to take him to a GP, only to get abuse back. My grandad took him to A and E last December after he smashed up a table, however he maintained that he was fine and didn’t follow up with the teams that he was suggested to do so with.

OP posts:
Original poster
DayDreamer387 · 02/09/2019 05:13

He talks to people in the US on chat rooms. He always stays up on the computer until 4 or 5 in the morning and then goes to bed. He doesn’t get up until about 3pm in the afternoon. He rarely gets dressed properly - just goes around the house in a housecoat.

OP posts:
Aridane · 02/09/2019 05:15

Forget SRs - go to police now! And while the CCTV still exists

Alicewond · 02/09/2019 05:23

Whilst your not taking the recommended meds you should be it’s going to be hard for the police. See your doc, accept what you tell you to take, and try to stick to it.

Original poster
DayDreamer387 · 02/09/2019 05:25

Hi Alicewond,

How does me not taking my Propranolol daily come into this, or mitigate the fact that my brother made me flinch in a Greggs by threatening to pour water over me and swearing at me?

OP posts:
Monty27 · 02/09/2019 05:27

OP I'm sorry if I missed it but may I ask how old you both are and where is dm

CJsGoldfish · 02/09/2019 05:44

I am tempted to ask Greggs for a SAR for a copy of the CCTV of what happened so that I can make a report, as I felt very threatened by him

A report to who?
For yelling at you and making you flinch?

BlackCatSleeping · 02/09/2019 05:56

I'm not sure what you think the police will do, but I suspect the police will just tell you to stay away from him. Do you live together?

In short, no, there is nothing you can do or say to fix him. If he's living with his nana, then you can support her and encourage her to kick him out, but I suspect she won't.

Just stay away from him. It's hard to give up, but he's the only one who can help himself.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/09/2019 05:56

I take it you live in the same house, is that correct?

BlackCatSleeping · 02/09/2019 05:58

I thought maybe he was living with his grandparents, but it's not very clear.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/09/2019 06:01

Blackcat
Also not sure on that front.

He’s 18. Op how old are you?

mathanxiety · 02/09/2019 06:06

Where does he live?
Did he actually hit you in Greggs?

SaskiaRembrandt · 02/09/2019 06:11

OP, yes, do inform the police. Your brother has form for being bullying and aggressive, and has previously assaulted and been charged with assaulting a very elderly person. He won't engage with services voluntarily, so going through the legal system may be the only way to prevent your grandmother becoming his next victim. Even if the police don't prosecute, they are likely to involve social services because of the danger to your grandmother - who will be seen as a vulnerable person.

Original poster
DayDreamer387 · 02/09/2019 06:21

He’s 18. I’m older - early 20s.

He aimed to douse me with water in Greggs (as he has done before at home - both to me, my nana and mum - all on separate occasions).

Fortunately for me, he couldn’t get the screw undone in-time as he aimed for me (it was a big 1.5 litre bottle), so I avoided being soaked over the head.

The bottle did hit my head though - he didn’t throw it - the lid end of the bottle hit my head as he was aiming for me. I was sitting down, he was standing up.

OP posts:
AJPTaylor · 02/09/2019 06:22

If he hit you with the bottle, ask Gregg now to keep the footage. If they have cctv, they may only keep it 48 hrs before it is recorded over. And report it to the police today. You cannot live like this.

Original poster
DayDreamer387 · 02/09/2019 06:22

Now that my Grandad has passed away I feel he has become more unruly.

OP posts:
Original poster
DayDreamer387 · 02/09/2019 06:27

My nana thinks he can do no wrong though. She takes his side over anyone else’s. He had a big argument with nana last year. I wasn’t present but he came to me after it to talk about it. I think he thought he had went too far. He confessed to me that he called nana a whore. I asked my Grandad for advice - and he said that he’d have to leave, as my nana wouldn’t stand for that. He went away then for a NCS residential that was already planned for a few nights. Needless to say, he was wrong, and my brother came back after it - and was kicking off again. He even smashed up my nana’s garden storage box a few days later. She let him off with that too. I ended up repairing it with him for her.

OP posts:
lovemenorca · 02/09/2019 06:31

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
DayDreamer387 · 02/09/2019 06:33

@lovemenorca

No. I graduated from a top-10 uni and am studying a masters part time whilst working in the city.

My grandparents and mum have worked hard all their life.

Where I feel the problem lies is that my nana totally spilt my brother as he grew up, and this has gave him a false sense of entitlement. I was closer to Grandad, who kept me more grounded and focused on the need to work hard.

OP posts:
Original poster
DayDreamer387 · 02/09/2019 06:35

*spoilt

OP posts:
MaybeitsMaybelline · 02/09/2019 06:39

Why did your grandparents bring your brother up when he had a mum. . Who brought you up.
Where was mum when you and your brother were growing up?

R44Me · 02/09/2019 06:43

The mantra is that you cannot change anyone else you can only change yourself.
So YOU can't change your brother. Perhaps the people who hold the purse strings (I presume he doesn't work) can force him to look for work or accommodation but I don't think you can change your brother or your Gran so I would stay away from them and if he is making them miserable it is up to your DM or DGM to make changes to fix that. You can't.

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