To not want him to go to this school

[Warwick82]

Hi. So I have 3 beautiful children. 2 daughters aged 14 and 11 and my son aged 7. My ds was diagnosed with adhd and autism last year. He is a gorgeous little boy but his mental health is shattered from the way he has been treated at two separate schools and left to struggle from day one. I won’t make out for a second my ds is an angel because he isn’t, but then again how many kids are, however my boy didn’t start school as an anxious, angry confused little boy. Don’t get me wrong he was stereotypically hyperactive, he couldn’t concentrate for very long, touched anything and everything and he flitted from one thing to the next. Fast forward three years however and he is a comepletely different child. He is anxious, low, and has to be encouraged to do the basic things in life like eating a meal or taking a bath.

He was “asked” to leave his first school as they couldn’t cope with him. He was excluded regularly at age 5, put on a reduced timetable, meaning I had to cut my hours at work and ultimately lost my job in the end, was treated badly by staff, including one teacher who decided to try and restrain him and ended up hurting his arm. He was then forced into another mainstream school further away, meaning I could no longer walk him to school and I had all 3 of my children at separate schools. Fast forward a year and despite me telling my local authority that the school placement would inevitably fail, my ds was left to struggle and despite the head teacher writing to the LA countless times stressing that they could no longer meet his needs the LA chose to do morning until now. I knew full well what was happening. The LA wanted my ds to go to their in borough specialist school but there were no places available, but come September there would be. So my son has been left all year falling further behind with his learning, feeling panicky not wanting to go in and being taught by several inexperienced TA’s who didn’t actually have a teaching assistant qualification or appropriate training.

My LA then invited me to go and visit the school they wanted my son to go to which I did. The school itself has had a bad reputation for years and the general consensus is that the majority of kids who go there come from chaotic families backgrounds ie cases of neglect, substance abuse, attachment issues, families who’s kids have been in care etc. But I thought it best not to judge a book by its cover and so i went to have a look around. I was hoping I would be pleasantly surprised but no. The building itself was disheveled, dirty carpets, pokey classrooms, very little in terms of play equipment, in fact my son’s mainstream school had more facilities, staff who seemed disinterested in showing us around the school etc.

AIBU to refuse to send my DS? I’ve already refused and I’m heading to court to fight it but I keep doubting myself. I’ve seen other schools that have so much more to offer my ds yet people, including my family, think there is no point in fighting the system and I should simply agree fot my ds to go there. But he has already had 2 failed school placements at the age of 7. If I were to send him to this school I’m convinced it would be another failure yet my LA are doing their best to try and convince me. My ds does have behaviours I don’t deny it, but he comes from a loving support home and me and my DH have worked tirelessly to support his needs and to provide a stable family unit, yet my LA feel he would do well in a school that to me at least, is only a few prison bars away from being a youth detention centre! Honestly when i picture my ds there I just want to cry. Surely he deserves to go to a school with children similar to him with similar needs and abilities, not simply to be sent to the cheapest possible school with kids he may pick up even more behaviours from.

Nobody around?

So where do you want him to go? Do you have a school in mind?

This is awful and I really feel for you :( is there nothing else around that you could put a case forward for? Maybe look at some private ones, I know the LA won't want to fund it but they do occasionally.

Hat you need to do is decide what features he needs in a school, and which schools locally offer them.

What does ECHO currently say?

Could that school offer more 1 to 1 specialist teaching or a less stressful learning environment?

Any chance you could home school him?

When you say there are other schools with children with similar needs and abilities, what sort of schools are these?

I don’t know that particular school but many schools for children with EBSD do fantastic work. Once settled into a special school many children thrive rather than survive.
Yes many of the children come from chaotic families and it really helps that the schools provide structure.From your message, your son sounds chaotic and as if structure might help him too. I’m sure there are other children like him, you just couldn’t see that.

What we’re his specific needs the special school cannot meet? I guess it’s not integration into school life but often allows better integration into adult life.

De register and home school him. No you don't have to send your son to that school. This is a common tale in the home Ed community, you will find lots of support there

Hi. Ideally I’d like him to go to an independent specialist scjoool. I know it will cost more but the facilities they have are second to none and the staff are amazing. I’ve visited four times this year and got to see up close how the teach children, how they manage kids with anxiety and what therapies they put in place for those kids who need it. The LA school has nothing to offer. I realise staff are trained in Sen but that’s the only positive. I am happy to home school in the short term but long term I need to go back to work. My LA have said I can chose to home school but I’ve been advised not to offer to do it as they should provide alternative education in the meantime and if I chose to HE they then have no obligation to provide anything.

And they won’t pay for it?

Does your son has an EHCP?
If so take it to tribunal clearly stating why their chosen school does not meet your sons needs ( as based on the provision in his EHCP) and your chosen school does. Be aware though that cosmetic features and people's opinions won't be an argument it has to be based on required provision and your sons needs as outlined in his EHCP.

Cherry my son isn’t chaotic. His mental health has deteriorated due to being failed by professionals and left to struggle at school. There’s a difference between that and a child who comes from a family who offer no boundaries, no structure or due to the parents own needs, are incapable of offering a stable home life. The school my LA want him to go to is an Semh school which is solely for kids with behaviours problems. I mean yes, I know my son does have behaviours but he has been Mia managed and messed around by professionals offering different medications, some of which didn’t agree with him. The school do have some kids who are diagnosed with adhd but the majority have no diagnosis at all and none of them have a diagnosis of autism. I’d like my son to go to a school for children who have autism with associated behavioural difficulties, not one which take kids undiagnosed who simply misbehave.

Yes he has an ehcp and I’m just about to start filling in the paperwork for tribunal. I have reports stating my ds needs refuel fly therapy from a small team of therapists which can’t be provided at the LA school. The fact they take kids up to age 16 (in the same building) is a concern as my ds is only 7 and if he is around kids of that age he will pick up even more behaviours. There are other reasons I don’t think it’s the right place for him but it’ll take forever lol. I realise the cosmetic aspects of the school won’t cut it at tribunal but I’m going along the lines of my ds has tried two mainstream schools now and I feel the La school will be another failed placment meaning down the line he would have to move again and that will be a 4th placement.

OP if you are appealing against the school named in the EHCP you need to show how your son's needs cannot be met at the named school. It sounds like you are pretty clear on that already, and if you have evidence from professional assessments that would show how his autism is his greatest area of need then it would help your case. If you haven't already I'd contact your local IASS or national autistic society helpline. Also you can book a telephone appointment with IPSEA if you go to their website. Contact A Family charity also has a good helpline for SEN issues.

I'd suggest you report your original post and ask for this to be moved to the SEN board, you'll get more knowledgeable replies there.

It sounds as if the LA school is a generic SEN school or one that focusses on behaviour, which notoriously isn't appropriate for people with ASD, so it seems to me you are more than justified in fighting this. Ideally you need independent expert evidence that demonstrates that your son needs specialist ASD provision - are you getting that? Are you getting help with your appeal? If you're anywhere near London, I can recommend SOS SEN's workshops.

Could part of this be that he is just struggling in a school setting? It might not be a failing of the first school more that he struggles to cope away from the peace and reassurance of home?

I know someone told you not to home school because then LA should offer alternatives. But surely if that is better for your little man than school it would be better. My DS has ASD and goes to a School for kids with normal academic ability but social issues. So can't be in mainstream. Two of his buddies are homeschooled 2 days a week to try to help their anxiety. I don't think it's a terrible option if you were able too. It's so worrying for you. Don't forget to try to look after you too xx

Can you clarify about the independent school - are you wanting the LA to fund it? How can you achieve that? I've heard of it happening but the only child I know who got funded was looked-after and had severe needs. What is the likelihood of your LA funding it, given that they believe what they've offered is adequate? Or do you mean you're going to fund it another way and it's more a matter of time to get the money together?

If it's the former, then I'm not saying you shouldn't fight for it, but it may not be realistic and you'll need a plan in the meantime. I would love a private school for my DS's sen because of course the ratios and tailored education is wonderful in comparison, but it's incredibly expensive and not realistically an option for most people. Is it worth trying the school they've offered first as it may be better than anticipated and if not that your case for funding the private option is stronger?

I don’t get it either. I don’t actually know whether LAs fund independent school places. Wouldn’t that mean your DS’ place costing several times what anyone else’s does?

Does he have an EHCP Op? You are well within your rights to start the tribunal process. I’ve done it for my boy. I would recommend the website IPSEA for all things related to this.

Yes you can refuse to send him there and cite every reason why. However, you may need to try out the school first as you can’t say they’re not meeting his needs if he hasn’t attended as yet.

Feeling for you OP. Many Sen I know are in this position. It’s criminal. Xx

Many state special schools have very good provision for children with ASD. Many independent special schools remove the children from home environment to board and isolate them. Some have very good reintegration programmes that independents won’t have because they’d lose pupils.

I think I referred to a chaotic child rather than chaotic family - being repeatedly excluded at key stage one suggests quite challenging and chaotic behaviour.

Few LAs are funding out of county placements now and only for exceptional need. You’d need good representation to demonstrate which needs could be better met by an independent.

Sorry just seen that you are staring the process. I would start him at the school. Therefore you’ll have loads more evidence from his current school as to why, they are not meeting his needs (if you find they aren’t)

If you are appealing section I, and you are also not happy with the provision in section F appeal that also. However, you need lots of supporting evidence from the school his in, and also why you think an alternative school would be more fitting his needs.

It may mean, unfortunately, you may have to send him to this school for a bit. Get the support of the school. Xx

Oh sorry I wasn’t very clear. Yes it would ultimately be my LA who would need to fund it and they aren’t willing to do that hence me having to go to tribunal. I’m part of a local sen support group and there are parents who’s children who are at the independent school and other similar independent schools out of borough. Some had their child’s placements agreed without the need for tribunal and some ended up at tribunal and won, so it is possible. In the meantime I’ve been advised by Ipsea that my LA need to provide education which would most likely be a home tutor, which would be fine by me.

Yes the fund it if you can prove no LA schools can meet the child's needs