Hi. So I have 3 beautiful children. 2 daughters aged 14 and 11 and my son aged 7. My ds was diagnosed with adhd and autism last year. He is a gorgeous little boy but his mental health is shattered from the way he has been treated at two separate schools and left to struggle from day one. I won’t make out for a second my ds is an angel because he isn’t, but then again how many kids are, however my boy didn’t start school as an anxious, angry confused little boy. Don’t get me wrong he was stereotypically hyperactive, he couldn’t concentrate for very long, touched anything and everything and he flitted from one thing to the next. Fast forward three years however and he is a comepletely different child. He is anxious, low, and has to be encouraged to do the basic things in life like eating a meal or taking a bath.
He was “asked” to leave his first school as they couldn’t cope with him. He was excluded regularly at age 5, put on a reduced timetable, meaning I had to cut my hours at work and ultimately lost my job in the end, was treated badly by staff, including one teacher who decided to try and restrain him and ended up hurting his arm. He was then forced into another mainstream school further away, meaning I could no longer walk him to school and I had all 3 of my children at separate schools. Fast forward a year and despite me telling my local authority that the school placement would inevitably fail, my ds was left to struggle and despite the head teacher writing to the LA countless times stressing that they could no longer meet his needs the LA chose to do morning until now. I knew full well what was happening. The LA wanted my ds to go to their in borough specialist school but there were no places available, but come September there would be. So my son has been left all year falling further behind with his learning, feeling panicky not wanting to go in and being taught by several inexperienced TA’s who didn’t actually have a teaching assistant qualification or appropriate training.
My LA then invited me to go and visit the school they wanted my son to go to which I did. The school itself has had a bad reputation for years and the general consensus is that the majority of kids who go there come from chaotic families backgrounds ie cases of neglect, substance abuse, attachment issues, families who’s kids have been in care etc. But I thought it best not to judge a book by its cover and so i went to have a look around. I was hoping I would be pleasantly surprised but no. The building itself was disheveled, dirty carpets, pokey classrooms, very little in terms of play equipment, in fact my son’s mainstream school had more facilities, staff who seemed disinterested in showing us around the school etc.
AIBU to refuse to send my DS? I’ve already refused and I’m heading to court to fight it but I keep doubting myself. I’ve seen other schools that have so much more to offer my ds yet people, including my family, think there is no point in fighting the system and I should simply agree fot my ds to go there. But he has already had 2 failed school placements at the age of 7. If I were to send him to this school I’m convinced it would be another failure yet my LA are doing their best to try and convince me. My ds does have behaviours I don’t deny it, but he comes from a loving support home and me and my DH have worked tirelessly to support his needs and to provide a stable family unit, yet my LA feel he would do well in a school that to me at least, is only a few prison bars away from being a youth detention centre! Honestly when i picture my ds there I just want to cry. Surely he deserves to go to a school with children similar to him with similar needs and abilities, not simply to be sent to the cheapest possible school with kids he may pick up even more behaviours from.