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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming with ExH and ExMil?

62 replies

Imreallyhungry · 01/09/2019 17:52

NC because ExMil is on here and I don't want her reading my othet posts if she sees this.
Dd (4) was over for contact with ExH today, ExMil was over for the weekend as well. He took her out to the zoo, where we are it was very sunny today. I packed her suncream because I knew he wouldn't have any. When I dropped her off yesterday I said 'make sure she wears suncream'. He said okay. Lo and behold I have a very sunburnt Dd who says that no daddy didn't put suncream on her. She actually has blisters on her arms, is bright red and in agony (she is very very pale and gets sunburnt so easily)
Aibu to be fuming and phone ExH and have it out with him? Also I think his mother should really have said something but he's the parent

OP posts:
Sharko · 01/09/2019 17:54

Before having it out with your Ex get your daughter some medical treatment. Blistering sunburns on a child that young are serious.

Lindy2 · 01/09/2019 17:54

Yes. I'd be furious.
This is neglect.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/09/2019 17:55

I would send him photos of the blisters and tell him how much pain his daughter is in, because if his negligence!

kitk · 01/09/2019 17:55

Not unreasonable to take it out on ex, but exMIL shouldn't be blamed. He's the parent in charge. She should have picked him up on it but it wasn't her job to be the parent having already patented her own kids (it's ok for you to think she wasn't successful at this based on her horrible son, but it's still not her job to parent his child imo)

elvis86 · 01/09/2019 17:55

YANBU.

I wouldn't really mention the MIL when you approach your ex about it, though - that's just giving him a defence. It was his responsibility.

endofthelinefinally · 01/09/2019 17:56

Take photos and get medical attention.

Likethebattle · 01/09/2019 17:59

That’s disgraceful. Tell him how badly she is injured and her risk of skin cancer in later life is now increased. Teach your daughter to pester about suncream when with him.

SwizzelStick · 01/09/2019 17:59

Please get her some treatment before you do anything. Call NHS 111 or take her to a walk in centre.(If you have one)

spongebunnyfatpants · 01/09/2019 18:01

Poor dd.
Get her some medical attention, take photos and then ring ex.
Make sure she has plenty of fluids, there's a strong possibility that she will have sun stroke too.

WillLokireturn · 01/09/2019 18:05

I agree with PPs, blisters and severe sunburn is very worrying. Can you get her into see nurse at GP surgery tomorrow for some more advice ? Can you look up treating sunburn in child tonight on NHS website. Take photos as GP/nurse will want to see progression and how it was/is.
It is terrible parenting from both Xh (and MIL who stood by and didn't act. My parents would have stepped in). Even worse as you had put in sunscreen for her (although dad as parent ought to carry it too).
I feel so sorry for your little one. Is she okay?
Yanbu. Badly done by her dad. Does he know how badly burnt she is? Is he apologetic to your shared DD?? What is he saying he will do next time?

CrazyPineapple · 01/09/2019 18:05

Please tell me before getting irritated at your in laws, then taking the time to post here, that you've sought medical advice. That's just awful! If you have, catalogue the whole incident with photos and make sure it's in your child's medical notes that it wasn't negligence at your hand...

KTheGrey · 01/09/2019 18:06

Echoing @endofthelinefinally
Lots of water and bizarre but true coconut oil totally takes the burn off. And yes, I would send pictures to exH, so he can't say "wasn't that bad" or "didn't happen".

Clangus00 · 01/09/2019 18:08

Take photos, get medical treatment, speak to a solicitor, stop contact, get him to take you to court.
He allowed his child to be burnt. That is neglect.

Original poster
Imreallyhungry · 01/09/2019 18:08

Yes, in all my anger I forgot to mention that we are going to the GP tomorrow. I already phoned them as soon as I saw her! She's not too bad in herself, she's playing, but she keeps saying it hurts. Will take photos

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 01/09/2019 18:10

“bizarre but true coconut oil totally takes the burn off”

No it bloody doesn’t. NEVER put anything but cold water on a burn. NEVER.

Powerof4 · 01/09/2019 18:13

As she's 4, you should probably get medical advice. Poor little one.

Powerof4 · 01/09/2019 18:14

Sorry, should have rtft- hope she feels better soon. YADNBU!

Elieza · 01/09/2019 18:15

Poor child. Your ex is an idiot who shouldn’t be in charge of a child if he can’t get the basics right.

BookwormMe2 · 01/09/2019 18:17

Don't leave it until tomorrow, the blisters will be agony for her overnight, she needs treatment now! They need proper dressing. You should take her to A&E this minute.

WillLokireturn · 01/09/2019 18:19

@Imreallyhungry

I hope your DD is ok. Glad you are getting her checked out and have treated it. It's awful her other parent did this to her.

Mouikey · 01/09/2019 18:28

Please don't put any oils on them, as @BertrandRussell has said, only water (unless you have a burn pack often found in a first kit).

Seek medical attention tonight as if they are blistered this will be quite a bad burn - sun burn like this is no different from a burn from hot liquids. If they pop over night there could be a risk of infection which will only make things worse.

Sharko · 01/09/2019 18:30

You really need to seek medical attention tonight.

Pieceofpurplesky · 01/09/2019 18:31

Your poor DD. Get medical advice first

Sexnotgender · 01/09/2019 18:33

If they’re as bad as you describe I’d be seeking medical advice tonight.

Graphista · 01/09/2019 18:54

I'm the very very pale child of 2 olive skinned parents who was allowed to burn very badly on at least 3 occasions that I remember.

PLEASE don't wait until tomorrow to get her medical attention THAT is the priority right now and as per pp NEVER put anything but cold water on a burn or scald without seeking medical advice first (there are some products now that can be used with burns but not for every burn or every patient)

Once that's dealt with photos, and yes absolutely steam into ex. Do you have a lawyer that's been dealing with the split?

I'd be making sure next time she went with him for contact I'd already put some suncream on her (not that I'm saying you should have to but he's clearly a selfish thoughtless dick so you're having to mitigate that) and quite honestly I'd be looking into if you have any legal recourse on this.

It's abusive in my opinion to have allowed such harm to have come to her. What a stupid bastard!