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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming with ExH and ExMil?

62 replies

Imreallyhungry · 01/09/2019 17:52

NC because ExMil is on here and I don't want her reading my othet posts if she sees this.
Dd (4) was over for contact with ExH today, ExMil was over for the weekend as well. He took her out to the zoo, where we are it was very sunny today. I packed her suncream because I knew he wouldn't have any. When I dropped her off yesterday I said 'make sure she wears suncream'. He said okay. Lo and behold I have a very sunburnt Dd who says that no daddy didn't put suncream on her. She actually has blisters on her arms, is bright red and in agony (she is very very pale and gets sunburnt so easily)
Aibu to be fuming and phone ExH and have it out with him? Also I think his mother should really have said something but he's the parent

OP posts:
Original poster
Imreallyhungry · 01/09/2019 19:04

The GP I spoke to thinks it will be okay to wait until tomorrow, however if she gets worse in the night or I'm otherwise concerned I will be taking her to A&E

Obviously Dd is main concern but am slightly worried about social services being called on me if go to A&E as what ExH did is basically abuse
I feel so bad for her it must be so uncomfortable

OP posts:
Curlyeyelash · 01/09/2019 19:05

I agree with other posters to seek medical attention soon, sunburn can be serious.

However people saying to stop contact with your exhusband and father of your little girl is a bit much. It's entirely possible he forgot and so did exmil does not mean they are neglectful all round or intending abuse. That's a very very harsh thing to suggest.

I would personally never take my daughter out in hot weather 1. without sun cream on and 2. without a light layer covering shoulders neck and back. But I know that especially when one parent sees a child less it can be hard to stay in the swing of remembering everything you need to do. Does your ex husband see her regularly?

Regardless, in my opinion the best course of action would be to let him know she has been burned, tell him in future he HAS to be aware of safety in the sun if he wants to take her out again during summer.

TheTrollFairy · 01/09/2019 19:12

am slightly worried about social services being called on me if go to A&E as what ExH did is basically abuse

You have to put your DD ahead of this worry.
I would be taking her into A&E. They will ask how she got the burn and you just say she was with her dad so I’m not sure. DD said they didn’t put any suncream on her but as I wasn’t there I cannot confirm if they missed it completely

ASandwichNamedKevin · 01/09/2019 19:13

So are you more worried about what if social services are informed? Surely you'd tell them it happened when she was with her father and you'd have the photos and screenshots of messages you'd sent him asking how this happened despite you packing suncream.

Don't let that be a barrier to seeking medical attention if she needs it.
PS GPs (rightly) also make referrals to social services.

TheTrollFairy · 01/09/2019 19:13

How big is the burns?

To be fuming with ExH and ExMil?
lifesgoodwithlg · 01/09/2019 19:17

Hi pale skinned freckly red hair woman here (who has been burnt). Best thing for sun burn is dairy, yoghurt and cottage cream. Slather her in it. Hope your little girl is okay. I'd be furious. Angry

GeorgeTheFirst · 01/09/2019 19:19

She's spoken to a GP

Don't put anything on a burn.

BookwormMe2 · 01/09/2019 19:20

I feel so bad for her it must be so uncomfortable

So take her to A&E tonight! I don't understand you're dithering about this. Your four-year-old has been burned severely enough to blister - she's needs special dressing/cream/painkillers.

mamaofboyss · 01/09/2019 19:21

YANBU so irresponsible, I do hope she's ok must be so so painful

MeanMrMustardSeed · 01/09/2019 19:23

I can not believe that there are adults out there who still think you should put stuff other than cool water on a burn.

Lonecatwithkitten · 01/09/2019 19:24

Please don't worry about social services she was with her father this is what you say. You would be seeking correct medical attention.
I say this as a single parent where social services were involved because of ExH. As long as you are protecting and looking after her they will have no problem with you.

vavavoomdeboom · 01/09/2019 19:25

Is take her to a&e now for urgent treatment if her skin has blistered. She must be in agony.

Don't lather crap on the skin like some are suggesting, get proper medical attention now.

Cryalot2 · 01/09/2019 19:27

Poor wee pet, and to think it could have been avoided.
Take photos but don't send them yet until dd sorted. ( can you trust ex with her again?)
I got sunburn blisters as an adult a few yesrs back, so your dd must be so much worse given her age.
I assume that you have been given advice by the dr . It must be awful for you too.
Flowers wishing you both well.

Gingernaut · 01/09/2019 19:31

Photos. Cold water. Taxi. A&E. In that order.

LadyPoldark · 01/09/2019 19:32

My doctors advice was apply a thin layer of Hydrocortisone cream follows by silcocks base in a thick layer.

Sarahandco · 01/09/2019 19:35

To be honest I am not sure what A&E will be able to do. If she has blisters she has very bad sunburn. I talked about this with a friend recently recalling our childhood holidays without suncream! (80's) where my cousin and I got blisters in the south of France. Our parents popped them with a pin and put cream on. I am in no way suggesting you do this!

However, being practical, you need to ease the pain with some calpol. and apply lots of cold water to get the heat out of the burned area. It is basically 3rd degree burns. You need to make sure she does not knock the blisters but you don't want to cover them up either.

RandomMess · 01/09/2019 19:35

Please take her to A&E unless you can find and open chemist. The special burn gel makes a huge difference.

The sooner you put the gel on the better, blistering is serious and it sounds like it is way more than the size of 50p

BertrandRussell · 01/09/2019 19:35

“My doctors advice was apply a thin layer of Hydrocortisone cream follows by silcocks base in a thick layer.”
Apply that to what?

TheTrollFairy · 01/09/2019 19:51

To be honest I am not sure what A&E will be able to do
They will check it over and dress it properly to stop the risk of infection

SteeperThanHell · 01/09/2019 19:55

Please don’t put on anything other than cold water and get proper advice. Applying Hydrocortisone is some of the worst advice I’ve read on here.

SandyY2K · 01/09/2019 19:56

The responsibility lies squarely with your Ex. You got suncream and reminded him. Have you told him she's burned and you're going to the GP tomorrow?

Leave Ex MIL out of it.

I hope DD gets the treatment she needs.

Sharko · 01/09/2019 19:57

A&E will "deroof" the blisters, at least that's what our local burns unit did with me (not sunburns), then they will dress it in sterile dressing and ask you to come back in a few days to check for infection and signs of healing.

NoSauce · 01/09/2019 20:05

Poor girl. I would take her to A and E personally. Is your ex normally this stupid?

Genderfree · 01/09/2019 20:10

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ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 01/09/2019 20:16

I don't think blistered sunburn is anywhere near the same thing as eczema...

Please don't put anything on it except water, OP. If it's really blistered I'd be worried about infection and I'd get her straight to see someone who can check it and dress it tonight. SS opinion shouldn't be your first thought, you weren't with her when it happened and you are not to blame.

And I'd be fuming with her dad, taking photos and documenting the whole thing.

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