To be upset with my (child free ) brother, because...

[noonar]

...i have had to abandon a trip to see his new flat in london, so that he and his flat mate can go to the supermarket?

i woke up this morning and decided that it would be lovely to take dd1 and 2, aged 3 and 5 to london to see their uncle's new home. he's been madly busy doing his finals, so visitors have been banned until recently.

he said that wednesday is agood day for him, so i thought i'd be spontaneous, for a change.

he told me he had friends coming to dinner, so we could stay till 6 ish, but that he's need to do a food shop for the meal.


as i looked into journey times a bit more, i realised we'd be travelling for a about 4 hours to have 2 blocks of 1.5 hrs with him, either side of his shopping trip.

AIBU to expect that maybe his flat mate couldve shopped alone? his response when i asked this was 'she's not a foodie, she wouldnt know what to get' and 'i couldnt ask her to shop first thing as she's really not a morning person'.

now i know this was a last minute plan, but AIBU to want him to have tried a little harder to accommodate my visit?

btw, if he really didnt want us to go, he'd have said. he's the brutally honest type.

well, what dyou think?


ps have promised the girls a trip on the train, so am now going to have to invent another day trip

[edam]

I think he probably doesn't appreciate how much work is involved in getting you and the children there. And I think he was being a bit stubborn and thoughtless in insisting on his shopping trip - he could have written a list for his flatmate, fgs!

[Sheherazadethegoat]

yabu, he is having a dinner party and this is VERY IMPORTANT.

[wildwoman]

Sorry, think YABU, it sounds like you are expecting him to roll out the red carpet a bit. If I was having a dinner party I wouldn't want someone elses kids coming round before hand and I would definately want to do the shopping myself.

[tearsndtantrums]

thats the trouble with spontanious visits the person your visiting may very well have plans. i think yab slightly u as he did say wednesday was a good day so he hade arranged to see you.

maybe he likes going shopping with his flatmate? and as he had friends coming to dinner he would have been busy anyway.

[PrettyCandles]

'child free' is the key here. He probably has no concept of what it's like travelling with LOs, and perhaps isn't that bothered about when y ou visit. I don't think YABU, but OTOH I don't think there's much point in getting narked about it. My brother can be just like that himself. It's only since he's got together with a woman with (grownup) children, that we ever get any consideration for our more complicated circumstances - and I bet the attitude change is coming from her!

[beansprout]

Being spontaneous is fine, but if he has plans, do you really expect him to drop them because you woke up this morning and fancied a day out? Why not just arrange a mutually convenient time?

[noonar]

ok, its not a dinner party, as a such- just a couple of friends coming round.

he did say tomorrow was good for him actually, and i didnt initially expect him to abandon the shopping, but when i realised that it made the difference between making the whole trip viable, time wise, i asked if she could possibly shop alone.


he's NOT shagging her- he prefers men!

[wildwoman]

lol

[HectorsHouse]

he doesn't want you to come does he?

[meandmyflyingmachine]

YABU.

You invited yourself. At short notice. And he has plans.

[noonar]

ok, some mixed opinions, here.

it wasnt just a question of fancying a day out. there's a bit more background that i need to give.

weds is in fact his only possible weekday that he can ever do. i'm off to greece next week. i realised today that this weds is the only possible day we could do a trip during the school hols, so was trying to be spontaneous. (i am usually big on planning in advance, btw.)

i was actaully trying to consider him, by going on his 'convenient' day. i actaually had a whole day's child care arranged for tomorrow, but thought it more important to make the effort to see him this summer.

being selfish was not my intention!

[imnot27]

sorry, also YABU. If it was my sister, I would have told her (nicely) to eff off! It's sweet of him to try and accomodate you, really.

[noonar]

LL, thanks for your last post, glad to see you dont think i'm totally nuts!

the crucial point here is that it is the only day we can do a trip this summer.( due to his work committments, just as much as my holiday plans!) thats why i thought maybe he could be flexible. even at the last minute.

actually, its much easier for me to do local trips with the girls, but i didnt want him to feel that i'd not made the effoert to see his flat.

sure, the dinner is important too, but i happen to know that he cooks for friends ALL the time. whereas his 3yo niece looked at his photo the other day and asked 'who's that?'

can you not see my point?

[Flibbertyjibbet]

Yes op, have you got your days mixed up, were you planning to go on weds and thats when he is telling you he has plans?
He wants to show off his new flat to his mates, he is throwing a joint dinner party so he wants to go shopping for it with the co-host.
YABU, get him to accompany you on a trip somewhere child friendly when you are back from your hols.

[PrettyCandles]

Trouble is, his convenient day is also the day that he finds convenient for a dinner party. He can't see that you have a limited number of convenient days, because Weds will still be convenient for him come September. But if he alsready has plans that can't really be changed at the last moment (like cancelling the dinenr party), then his attitude is not unreasonable. Annoying and frustrating, but not unreasonable.

He oculd make it a bit better by not doing the shopping himself, or by doing it in the am, but OTOH it's not really ghoing to be very comfortable for all of you as he still has to cook, tidy, etc for the dinner party, even if you leave befoer the guests arrive.

You'll just have to let it slide, I think. I haven't seen my brother's new place and they've had it 18m, living there for about 6m already. Also 2-3h round trip to visit.

[noonar]

oh god! i wasnt planning to go TODAY! NO!

i was asking if we could come TOMORROW!

sorry.

confusing op.

well, am i still equally unreasonable??

[tearsndtantrums]

ok im confused tomorrow is wednesday and hes free then or am i being thick

[noonar]

no. its me sorry. i shouldve said that ' i woke up and decide it'd be nice to take the dds TOMORROW' . missed out that crucial word. oops.


weds is his good day. he is free, apart from the shopping trip.

[noonar]

ps, i can see now why i got so many 'YABU'. lol. even I woudnt do that !