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AIBU?

To be upset with my (child free ) brother, because...

69 replies

noonar · 07/08/2007 18:17

...i have had to abandon a trip to see his new flat in london, so that he and his flat mate can go to the supermarket?

i woke up this morning and decided that it would be lovely to take dd1 and 2, aged 3 and 5 to london to see their uncle's new home. he's been madly busy doing his finals, so visitors have been banned until recently.

he said that wednesday is agood day for him, so i thought i'd be spontaneous, for a change.

he told me he had friends coming to dinner, so we could stay till 6 ish, but that he's need to do a food shop for the meal.


as i looked into journey times a bit more, i realised we'd be travelling for a about 4 hours to have 2 blocks of 1.5 hrs with him, either side of his shopping trip.

AIBU to expect that maybe his flat mate couldve shopped alone? his response when i asked this was 'she's not a foodie, she wouldnt know what to get' and 'i couldnt ask her to shop first thing as she's really not a morning person'.

now i know this was a last minute plan, but AIBU to want him to have tried a little harder to accommodate my visit?

btw, if he really didnt want us to go, he'd have said. he's the brutally honest type.

well, what dyou think?


ps have promised the girls a trip on the train, so am now going to have to invent another day trip

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tearsndtantrums · 07/08/2007 18:54

ok i think i get it.
tomorrow is his only free day so you called asking to visit? he has this dinner party thing planned though.

well if his party has been planned for a while he shouldnt really be expected to cancel. its frustrating but hes nbu just busy.
arrange something for after the hols

noonar · 07/08/2007 18:56

yep. and i accepted the shopping thing, totally. but realized it would constitute half our time there, so asked if flat mate could poss go alone. we'd have left by 5, so giving plenty of food prep time.

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tearsndtantrums · 07/08/2007 19:00

is he doing the cooking?
will it be more than bacon and eggs (which sadly my dp would class as dinner party food) ?


if so then maybe he wants to go to make sure the right ingrediants are bought. i think its a lovely that you had just sadly inconvienient for him.

noonar · 07/08/2007 19:04

thanks, TT.

i know that its shame, and i do respect his plans (up to a point -lol), but just feel that no-one with children would think that 2 grown ups trawling round a supermarket together is a sensible use of time!

don't know why i'm surprised. normally if i ever visit, my time in london is structured around trips to his gym . get the picture?

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noonar · 07/08/2007 19:25

well wildwoman, imnot27 et al, am i still being dreadfully unreasonable, now that we've established that the trip was planned for TOMORROW not today???

i'd never say 'can i come up today, please?' btw.

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littlelapin · 07/08/2007 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HectorsHouse · 07/08/2007 19:31

yes you are being unreasonable

its a dinner party

he has plans and specific shopping to get

he's in London so its probably been planned in people's diaries for about a month

he can't drop everything because you're being 'spontaneous' and decide you'll go within 48 hours - why should he?

would you drop everything for him?

noonar · 07/08/2007 19:32

oh, LL, i've only ot myself to blame for the responses i've got. if only i could express myself more clearly

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noonar · 07/08/2007 19:34

HH, we drop everything all the time for him. repeatedly. when he visits his home town, he tells us the day before and figures that beacuase were local, we can drop everything. so there's not exactly a double standard here. and we always have him at our place for bdays, xmas etc etc and its never reciprocated. i'm really not a bad guy. honest.

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aloha · 07/08/2007 19:38

I think it's a shame he puts his sister and neices so far down his priority list - below shopping he could easily do online or in the morning. Selfish and sad. But give those girls a really nice treat tomorrow anyway.

noonar · 07/08/2007 19:39

aloha, i love you. i was beginning to think i was completely barking.

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HectorsHouse · 07/08/2007 19:43

you are barking

if you have plans for a day you have plans - if those plans involve choosing your own food in the supermarket and getting speciality stuff for your dinner party then that's your plans - he'll also have to be cleaning his flat etc

a relative is unreasonable for trying to break it

suppose you invited some friends round for lunch with their kids and your brother decides he's coming up to see you - you call round everyone to say all change? I don't think so

meandmyflyingmachine · 07/08/2007 19:43

Sorry - but I read it wrong too.

YABLU than I thought

fillyjonk · 07/08/2007 19:45

agree with aloha

my ds looked at a photo of his uncle the other day and said "WHO is that man standing next to daddy?" in a very suspicious and skeptical tone of voice.

Its tricky because my brother loves the kids and will drop everything (incl work) when we visit. Whereas dp's brother bascially doesn't like kids and I can actually quite see him posting on the baord from which some of us were banned

whiskeyandbeer · 07/08/2007 19:52

what board were people banned from?

noonar · 07/08/2007 19:55

thankyou, FJ and flying machine.

hh, as i said, i repeatedly offer my hospitality, at great expensse, to my out of town siblings.


maybe i'd have more respect for my brother's 'speciality foods', if he reciprocated an invitation.

the last time he was in town, his idea of spending time together was me and the girls 'shadowing' him while he did his shopping.

i am not a selfish person.

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littlelapin · 07/08/2007 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aloha · 07/08/2007 19:57

Hectors House, he told his sister Wednesday would be a good day ffs. Yet even though it is a long journey for her, he wants to piss off in the middle of it to the supermarket, even though he could easily shop in the morning. That's bloody rude, frankly.

GoingThroughChanges · 07/08/2007 19:58

Filly bet he would be along with the bestman from Hatrick's wedding

HectorsHouse · 07/08/2007 20:00

Aloha . I read that he told his sister 'Wednesdays' in general were a good day. Not this wednesday

Mercy · 07/08/2007 20:00

Noonar, haven't read the whole thread but sympathies! I have a child- free early middle- aged brother who can be an self-centered arse too!

Flibbertyjibbet · 07/08/2007 20:04

Ha ha I will look out for his posts - I do sneak on that site every now and again since it was discussed on mn!

lulu25 · 07/08/2007 20:05

i think yanbu (and if he's really into his food he wouldn't be shopping for a dinner party in the supermarket)

noonar · 07/08/2007 20:06

HH, he agreed to this weds. said it would be good. then i looked at train times. the journey was longer than expected. he said that the girls and i would have to amuse ourselves at his place for 1.5 hrs. we'd only have 3 hrs together- in 2 sep chunks. it wasnt viable. i'm sad that he couldnt have resceduled shopping for earlier in the day. or that his flat mate couldnt go alone.why does that make me 'barking'?

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noonar · 07/08/2007 20:08

thanks mercy, lulu and fj.

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