@wetelectricblanket that does actually reassure me to be honest. So many comments here really don't seem to appreciate what early stage can actually mean - I had full mx and positive margins even so, which was a tad alarming to say the least, though it was only DCIS so hopefully rads and chemo have mopped it up.
I would say that the claim chemo is getting more and more common contradicts what I was told at the Marsden, though. They said tests such as Oncotype DX mean they can target far more effectively who is likely to benefit - presumably your SIL's results showed she was at heightened risk of recurrence? In my case they didn't bother for obvious reasons, but in her case I can only imagine the genetic histology wasn't on her side.
'If you've ever had cancer you are classed as disabled for life'?! This is clearly not true In employment terms, yes it is. Macmillan offer advice on this. It can affect you permanently, and you are therefore covered by the Equality Act automatically. It doesn't need to be active and nor does it need to be terminal. A woman I know had an automatic interview, as disabled people are entitled to, when going for a job recently, and she had active treatment end a couple of years ago now. Her main concern was whether to flag up the cancer and risk not getting the job because they might be concerned it could come back, or go for the guaranteed interview and have the opportunity to explain her career break in person, so they can see how fab she is.
I was really surprised to hear the protection is lifelong, too, but Macmillan say that it is.
@serenoa that's relating to benefits, where the effects of a condition matter, not the diagnosis. Benefits aren't paid based on whether someone is disabled or not, or plenty of disabled people wouldn't be refused. You are confusing the automatic payment of benefits to someone with a terminal diagnosis, with protection from discrimination afforded to disabled people.
I'm a member of a brilliant site on Facebook, Younger Women With Breast Cancer, who offer a lot of support. Women on there have been able to rely on the Equality Act because otherwise, many would struggle to have adjustments made in the years after chemo when they need them. I'm thinking of a teacher, for example, who had a part time role (after having to stand down from her SLT one) and the head wanted to swap her day off from midweek to start or end, to make planning easier. But this teacher needed those days to rest so she could manage the other 4, and a long weekend wouldn't cut it. She apparently had employment protection because of that classified disability, which I would hope most people here would regard as fair.
Chemo fatigue is, as OP says, a real and horrible thing. Mine was actually graded by my oncologist as Grade Two. The glandular fever obviously didn't help, but the chemo itself had effects impossible to describe. It's not normal tiredness. It's an inertia and heaviness I can't really convey. OP says her SIL didn't suffer that, and I recognise that some women sail through. But others really don't and the effects can be for years. My mum had chemo first in 2000 for example, and again in 2016 (she has a form of lymphoma, which is treatable but not permanently curable) and she's often said how glad she is that she was always someone with huge energy before, because since, she's been considerably more easily exhausted and a lower start point would have been hellish!
Cancer, as with almost all conditions, is variable, and so are the impacts. The best comparison is pregnancy and birth, in that a handful of women have no real symptoms, very easy labours, and snap back into shape. Most fall in the middle, with discomforts and stressed and their bodies being affected permanently, but manageably. And then a few have horrendous pregnancies, and/or birth injuries that leave them struggling for years afterwards. And people on here would have little time for those saying to someone with a prolapse, who needed continence underwear, that they gave birth a couple of years ago, so what's the issue now? I'm just saying that cancer is similar.
I'm very newly through it, and have more surgery and some long-term drug trials ahead. But I still feel I'm better than some women who were treated a while further back. And I know other people who finished a year ago and are doing Park Run. It just varies so much.
None of which really matters here, because OP is not obligated to look after her SIL's children, nor subsidise her lifestyle. The cancer's not relevant there. My lovely father in law paid for a nanny when I was in the immediate aftermath of surgery, because it had a six week recovery time and I had a toddler, but I was gobsmacked at his generosity and would never have expected, far less asked, for that. And the idea I should call him up and whine that he needs to keep going now... no. I have an ASD home edded child, I should add, and we're going through the EHCP process right now and the LA are largely in agreement that no school can meet his needs in this area, and they are looking at providing tutors etc. I can't fob that off of anyone else, any of it, glad as I am of family support and a husband. I'm not saying cancer renders someone useless, and nor am I saying the OP is the slightest bit anything but a lovely SIL. It's the comments on here about cancer being in the past etc that made me want to comment, because two years isn't that recent, and a tiny area of DCIS doesn't get you referred for chemo.
Sorry these posts are so rambling - another lovely effect is cognitive impairment, or 'chemo brain.' Makes organising thoughts harder.