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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nana's baby?

78 replies

Pantheon · 31/08/2019 15:39

If your dm or mil said this about your baby/toddler, would this bug you? It annoys me as both do it but my dh doesn't think it's an issue.

OP posts:
Marlena1 · 31/08/2019 15:40

Nope, I love that both sets of parents love my DDs. It's great for children to have lots of people who love them.

Apolloanddaphne · 31/08/2019 15:41

Depends how it was said but I would probably assume it to be a sign of affection and that nana adores her grandchild.

SoyDora · 31/08/2019 15:41

Absolutely wouldn’t bother me at all. Unless you think your DM/MIL genuinely thinks they are the mother of your child??

EmmaJR1 · 31/08/2019 15:41

My mum does it all the time. 🤷‍♀️ it's great, the more people who love my children the better.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 31/08/2019 15:46

This one has a lot to do with intent, so it depends on the context. If she's consistently overstepping boundaries, views the mother as a human incubator and rides roughshod over her parenting decisions, YANBU.

If it's just a term of endearment that probably hasn't been overthought, then I'd think it fine.

Auntyfannybaws · 31/08/2019 15:49

No, it's lovely.

Dandelion1993 · 31/08/2019 15:51

It bothers me

My mum doesn't do it. She says how much she loves my girls but never refers to them as her own

My Mil does it an DIY pisses me off as she does actually try to parent them when it isn't her place too.

dollydaydream114 · 31/08/2019 15:54

Bloody hell, it doesn’t mean they are actually implying that the kid is theirs! It doesn’t mean a claim of ownership. It’s just a term of affection.

NoSauce · 31/08/2019 15:57

I think she knows it isn’t her baby. Just that she loves him/her and I’m sure your baby knows his granny isn’t his/her mum too.

It’s just affection.

NoIsACompleteAnswerSometimes · 31/08/2019 16:23

I call my grandson my little man/ my little chap etc. When he was small I used to ask his mum how my little baby was. As far as I know she had no problem with it, she would have definitely said if she did! It's just a term of endearment, unless they are actually pretending he is theirs! That's when to worry.

Original poster
Pantheon · 31/08/2019 16:26

Thanks all. Interesting to read your responses. I know they don't think they're the mum but my dm has a history of poor boundaries and can be quite narcissistic (mso I guess that makes me sensitive to what she says/does. Happy that they love my dd, not a question of that.

OP posts:
Bearfrills · 31/08/2019 16:27

My mam does this and I don't mind it at all, its said with affection and she's said it to all of my DC at one stage or another. Youngest DC is "Nana's baby" through and through and when I've annoyed her by refusing sweets before dinner or other such outrages she will happily tell me that she doesn't love me, she only loves Nana Grin

user1493494961 · 31/08/2019 16:28

It's just a turn of phrase, people look for offence in everything nowadays.

Emmabryant123 · 31/08/2019 16:34

It's a complete non issue

Cantthinkofanythingrightnow · 31/08/2019 16:35

My gran says it all the time, and she's their great gran. I wouldn't get stressed about it I think it's a pretty common expression especially up north.

Greeni · 31/08/2019 16:38

My ds is Nanas ‘baby boy’ Smile

MissRabbitNeedsAHoliday · 31/08/2019 16:40

Dm says this a lot to dd and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. I don't think she's saying it because she actually thinks she's hers, it's just showing her affection. I'm happy to see the relationship she has with my mum.

Amcor · 31/08/2019 16:42

I hated it because MIL informed me that she was my baby’s “other mother”. She brought up SIL’s children and thought she could do the same with mine, complete with “if mummy says no, nana will say yes” comments.

TheCraicDealer · 31/08/2019 16:45

I called my niece and nephew "my wee baby" quite frequently and DSis doesn't seem to mind. If she did she'd soon let me know Grin they also get "Nanny's wee darling/dote" from DMum. I hope my PFB prompts the same sort of affection tbh. But if you've had issues with your family and boundaries in the past I can see why it would rankle.

Anotherusefulname · 31/08/2019 16:47

Completely fine by me. That said I refer to the little boy I am a 1:1 TA for 'my little man' lots of TAs do it is definitely affection not ownership though.

Funguy · 31/08/2019 16:58

No, I think it's fine.

Rainbowknickers · 31/08/2019 16:59

Not the same as I don’t yet have grandkids but my daughter has a dog who I adore and call him ‘my puppy’ or ‘my baby’
She doesn’t bat an eyelid at it
Plus I call a friends little girl ‘my darling/my sweetheart’ (or my beryl!i have an odd humour) but her parents don’t say a word (and they would if it bothered them) I bake her a cake once a week so she loves me and doesn’t seem bothered at all
I’d stop all this if anyone was bothered but it’s just not an issue

KUGA · 31/08/2019 17:01

Well its better than Nanas little shitheads.
It`s lovely for children to hear Nanas little baby and comforting too.

Wehttam · 31/08/2019 17:01

Lol do you get paranoid about other non issues too OP? How resentful.

cardamoncoffee · 31/08/2019 17:08

Wouldn't bother me at all. The more people who love your child and are invested in him/her the better. I refer to my neices/nephew as Aunty Cardamon's baby. No one bats an eyelid.