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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nana's baby?

78 replies

Pantheon · 31/08/2019 15:39

If your dm or mil said this about your baby/toddler, would this bug you? It annoys me as both do it but my dh doesn't think it's an issue.

OP posts:
Andahelterskelterroundmylittle · 31/08/2019 17:11

Jesus ... no! Let as many people love my baby and form special relationships with them

Ilikethisone · 31/08/2019 17:11

Non issue.

I say it to my best friends dog.

I neither think she is a human baby, or actually mine.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 31/08/2019 17:13

My mil refers to her gc has nanny's babies. I don't mind it, I think because she's referencing that she's the grandmother. If she was calling them my babies I probably would have an issue with it. But my mil doesn't have narc traits so I know there's no intention of anything else there. With your Dm it may well be something more boundary overstepping, or it may be that because she does that you're viewing it as another thing. I don't think your unreasonable to feel odd about it given your relationship with her

Original poster
Pantheon · 31/08/2019 17:13

It's great that so many people love and care for my dd. That's not the issue at all. And I wouldn't mind darling/sweetie etc. It's the 'baby' that bothers me. My dm has form for poor boundaries so I guess if you have a dm/mil who respects you and your boundaries, this wouldn't cross your mind. My childhood was pretty chaotic at times due to it.

OP posts:
Isadora2007 · 31/08/2019 17:20

It would not bother me at all. I call my grandson Grandma’s baby, Grandma’s Boy and on the odd occasion Grandma’s wee shitebag. All said with love.

Aragog · 31/08/2019 17:25

Its normal to refer to close relatives in such a manner ime. I refer to my nieces and nephew as 'our' or 'my' baby/girl/boy/little one etc as applicable. I've done it to close friends children too, not just family.

Both grandparents would do similar to all their grandchildren. It's just a sign of affection in the vast majority of cases and not a sign of actual 'ownership.'

maddiemookins16mum · 31/08/2019 17:30

My wonderful DMIL has called my DD ‘my darling girl’ for years. I couldn’t be more proud and happy.
She used to say ‘my precious wain’ when she was tiny too....nope, still no problem here.
How lovely for my DD to be embraced with such kind, loving words from a close family member (who she adores).

DerelictWreck · 31/08/2019 17:31

I call my niece 'baby' as in 'hi baby!'.

Doesn't mean I've lost it and actually think she's mine...Hmm

FudgeBrownie2019 · 31/08/2019 17:32

My Mum calls both DC "my boy" and they adore her almost as much as she adores them. They get away with stuff I wouldn't have dreamed of doing, the spoils them rotten but is also a wonderful Granny to them. I wouldn't change a bit of it. In fact my Dad still calls me "my girl" and I'm 38, so it's probably a family thing.

I know for some people it can be overwhelming to have people feel that way about their DC but I've always tried to look at it that the more people adore my DC, the more filled with love their childhoods will be which can only ever be a good thing.

LilQueenie · 31/08/2019 20:02

I hated it because it progressed to 'you can call me mum... when I visit' Angry

Magicmama92 · 31/08/2019 20:03

My mil always calls my daughters grammas little girl but she has no boundaries and constantly trys to parent her and tell us what to do so I probably take it wrong becouse of the way shes been. I dont say anything though theres bigger battles and at heart I think they are just saying they are their grandkids. It's so hard when you get paranoid becouse of their actions.

toomuchtooold · 31/08/2019 20:12

In the context of narcissism and trouble with boundaries, yes, I can see why it bothers you. But it's probably the tip of the iceberg isn't it? You know that if they behave outrageously sometimes and then once she is OK, you don't have to forget all t thege times she's been awful? If you know she has the capacity to be awful, if you've seen it, don't drive yourself round the bend trying to preduct when she's about to do the next boundary-stomping thing, just limit the amount of time you spend with her.

(My narcissist mother used to refer to herself as "mummy" to my kids and me as "granny", even after I pointed out her "mistake". Proper batshit!)

user1573624 · 31/08/2019 20:15

I've seen this asked every so often so I am aware some people hate it, but I think it is quitw sweet and endearing.

carly2803 · 31/08/2019 20:21

nope my mum refers to mine as "her little baby"
no issues with it at all - in fact, i love it.

However if anyone else did I wouldnt be as happy-im close to my parents!

Chillisauceboss · 31/08/2019 20:28

I love hearing my Mum fuss over my child with this phrase. It's usually when my daughter really needs some attention and reassurance and I love seeing her being loved. Is it your mum or your MIL who is using the phrase?

Nottodayx · 31/08/2019 21:20

Not at all. My DM says this everyone she sees DC and I love it.

KellyHall · 31/08/2019 22:26

I don't think it's what she calls your children that is the issue, you need to find other ways of enforcing boundaries for your dc's grandparents than deciding what they all call each other.

Original poster
Pantheon · 01/09/2019 07:53

@toomuchtooold yes, you're right. And the mummy/granny thing is mad! I'll have to go through some of the threads on here about narc parents as only recently started to realise this was most likely the term for it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pantheon · 01/09/2019 07:55

I guess I don't always know where those boundaries should be @KellyHall as I don't know how normal grannies are. But you're right

OP posts:
Sallyseagull · 01/09/2019 07:57

It depends on the context and backstory.

My MIL has said similar but she also does actually seem to believe my child is actually hers and has caused arguments when she has tried over rulling myself and my DH with regards to our child. I had to keep being in labour a secret as she would have demanded to be in the room with me giving birth otherwise and probably would have caused so much grief if she hadn't held my baby straight after being born.

PurpleFlower1983 · 01/09/2019 08:06

I have a 6mo and my mum does this, it doesn’t bother me.

LL83 · 01/09/2019 08:12

I can understand "my baby" might be irritating if you dont get on with MIL but "Nana's baby" really is a non issue.

dayswithaY · 01/09/2019 08:12

I was told by MIL that she was Big Mummy and I was Little Mummy and they needed her more than me. Psycho.

toomuchtooold · 01/09/2019 08:13

Have a look at the Stately Homes thread if you haven't seen it before.

OpportunityKnocks · 01/09/2019 08:17

My mum does this. Winds me right up because she barely pays my kids any attention. She doesn't come to see them, when I take them to her she doesn't really interact with them.

My MIL does not do this and I wouldn't mind if she did because she's a brilliant grandparent!