To be furious at this comment

[ButterflyOne1]

I'm livid at a comment my sister has made on Facebook.

I try and raise money for a suicide prevention charity as my DP completed suicide in 2011.

This year I'm doing a charity event and I shared my justgiving page on Facebook.

My sister has commented "My latest charity I'm supporting is feed my kids at home". WTF.

I think this is so insensitive. I try to raise money as they supported me during the toughest time of my life.

My sister seems to hate the fact that I've been successful in my life. She's always putting me down but this feels too far. AIBU to be annoyed?

Can’t believe people are actually defending her with this charity fatigue nonsense. Nothing to stop her from scrolling on by.

But personally, I would support a charity that had helped my sister in her darkest time. Who the fuck wouldn’t?

I would support a charity that had helped my sister in her darkest time. Who the fuck wouldn’t?

Someone struggling to afford to feed their kids and themselves.

"Those two statements are the problem. You are actually trying to get other people to give money to a cause that has little relevance to them."

She is offering people the chance to donate to a charity doing good work.

I hope none of us reading this will need that charity but it's very sad to say to say none of us know which charity we will need in the future.

Sicuide could affect people from all walks of life.

Please OP message me the charity name and I may supper it.

We may not be able to give to every charity we hear about from friends or family or any one else but being scathing about a charity because we think it bares no relevance for us is very foolish and unnecessarily cruel.

That applies to the OP's sister who could have ignored the post or privately said she could not afford to support it.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone

" It's lovely that you want to raise money for a cause that helped you but you, yourself are not actually giving the charity money everyone else is providing the money."

It is lovely, it's kind and support of someone who has been through something which is probably unimaginably hard. But do you think the OP has not donated to this charity herself?

It's pretty unusual to try and raise money for a charity one doesn't support oneself.

I know this isn’t the main point, but what are you doing to raise money? What’s the event?
I tire of giving money to people doing fun , challenging, but ultimately pointless stuff like running or getting their head shaved.

I think it’s her attempt to say she can’t afford it while making a joke.
It’s insensitive but the charity won’t resonate with her unless she has been bereaved by suicide.

Best of luck with your fundraising. Suicide charities are dear to me too.

Thanks for the replies sorry I was on a flight. I think I've read them all.

I try and do one charity thing each year but I haven't done anything for the last two years. I never make a big deal of it as I often get my company to match it so even if I only raise £100-150 that turns into £200-300 which really helps.

My sister has never sponsored me in anything I've done so I never expected her to sponsor me this time.

She's the type of person that tries to act like they are better than others but then gives you a gift from the pound shop for your 30th birthday.

I know this charity is close to my heart but surely as a sister she'd want to support me?

Thanks for the replies and support.

I can't believe people excusing her awful comment. She should have perhaps apologised for not being able to sponsor you this time but wish you all the best with your event. Most people can afford a fiver.

Lots if times on Facebook just giving pages it shows which Friends have donated. Making it public invites public comment.
I wouldn’t have put anything in your sisters case but perhaps she needed to justify her non payment.
Sorry about your DP.

Sorry x posted, can't believe she's never sponsored you that's just awful after what you've been through

@HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone

" It's lovely that you want to raise money for a cause that helped you but you, yourself are not actually giving the charity money everyone else is providing the money." Yes I agree with this, and the fact that OP is likely to personally donate to this charity doesn’t change this

Is your sister struggling financially ?

At what point did she think that such a callous comment was a good idea? Think I've just answered that - she didn't think.

Honestly OP it sounds like she's really struggling, I would never declare how desperate I was for money. It can be fatigue from everyone looking for money from you (David's birthday, Julie's leaving, Noris's baby) It can seem fucking endless. It was heartless, but maybe she's trying to say 'think about the living'.

I actually don't think she's struggling financially. She split with her DH a few years ago and he pays the mortgage on her house. She has utilities to pay but she works full time in health care so earns a good salary plus her boyfriend is always paying for things like a new caravan (she boasted it cost £45k), holidays and new car.

Sadly I think this is another example of how nasty she truly is.

That was ridiculously insensitive and bordering on nasty as she obviously knows you've had a personal experience. My father completed suicide (a long time ago now) and I have a personality disorder, it's rare but if I do fundraise it's for mental health facilities/support, and if anyone said anything like that to me knowing what my family have been through I don't think I'd be able to stop myself from confronting them about why on earth they thought it was appropriate! 'Charity fatigue' or not - just don't comment at all then

It was a supremely shitty thing for her to say. There is no time limit on that kind of grief, and you're dealing with it in a way that helps others.

There is no requirement for her to contribute. But there is a requirement that she not act like a shitty human being.

Sorry for your loss but YABU. Your Dsis is entitled to air her opinion on FB. Try not to take it personally.

"Sadly I think this is another example of how nasty she truly is."

You also think, for some reason that she's jealous of your 'success'. Although she doesn't seem to be doing badly herself.

Why the pretence of being friends on fb and sharing everything with her?

You don't like each other, so limit what you see.

It doesn’t matter how much ‘charity fatigue’ a person has, it doesn’t turn them into a malicious, heartless piece of shit unless they already have that tendency. And your sister obviously has that tendency in spades.

Sorry for your loss Suicide is hard to process.

Do half the people on this thread genuinely not understand that when someone shares something on Facebook it's not directly targeted at you personally? The sister is not being personally asked to donate, it was a post just shared generally so anyone who happened to see it could donate if they wanted to. All this stuff about 'charity fatigue' and 'asking the same people to donate' is a pile of crap - nobody is forcing anyone to give money if they don't want to and you are perfectly at liberty to ignore it. Just because you don't want to give money, it doesn't mean someone can't share the post in case other people do.

It's like saying a charity shouldn't advertise on a billboard near your house because you already gave them some money a year ago.

It's clear it is a kind of joke, whether she can or cannot afford to donate and whether she chooses to donate or not, the wording is clearly a kind of 'joke'. To make a joke about something so personal to you, OP, I think it is really, really offensive. You are right to be upset.

It also sounds like some people resent others fundraising. I wonder why that is. That is how a lot of fundraising works. People do stuff for money and the money goes to a charity. People often support that charity themselves. No one has to give. If someone puts an event or activity on a Facebook page, it's an invitation.

OP you are totally right to do this stuff for charity and it's really odd some people think there is anything wrong with it. No one is compelled to give.

Sorry for your loss but YABU. Your Dsis is entitled to air her opinion on FB. Try not to take it personally.

It was obviously personally aimed at the op. It was posted on her just giving thread.

It was a horrible thing to do. Nothing wrong with her not sponsoring you, although I’d support my sister doing equivalent things. There was absolutely no need for her to comment like that.

It sounds like she doesn't contribute anything positive to your life, but maybe you keep trying to get her approval/kindness because you have an idea of how a sister relationship should be? I get that, totally, but she's never going to be the sister you want. I would try my best to disengage and stop expecting anything of her... and maybe mute her on Facebook, or whatever it's called (haven't used it in a while but I remember 'muting' someone).

It was a public page - let her feel the force of her public nastiness, then go NC.

I don't really get the comment?

Like, as if you're off having a good time doing the charity thing, whilst she's stuck at home with the kids? Is she dim?