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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have 'ruined the holiday'?

68 replies

serenitybyjan · 30/08/2019 20:03

It's a milestone birthday next year for me so my family (mum, Dad, me, my partner, our 2 young children, my 2 sisters and their partners) have booked to go on a holiday in the UK for the whole week, including my actual birthday. On the day itself I've asked my closest and oldest friend and her husband to join us for the activity I'm wanting to do. She only lives 45 mins away and we live 4 hours apart normally. She's turning the same age as me the week before so we want to get together. One of my sisters has flown off the handle saying I'm being spoilt by wanting to spend my birthday how I want. My best friend isn't joining us for the whole holiday, just one afternoon but my sister is saying the holiday is ruined and she's not going to be joining us. It's already mostly paid for (split per couple and a bit more for us because of the children). AIBU?

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 30/08/2019 20:06

YANBU. She is being totally unreasonable.

Windydaysuponus · 30/08/2019 20:08

Sounds like you will have a better time with friend than dsis...
Let her flounce.

Davespecifico · 30/08/2019 20:08

Does she behave like this in other situations?

1CantPickAName · 30/08/2019 20:08

Your sister is a spoilt brat, it’s your birthday you can invite who you want. Tell your sister she’s welcome to uninvite herself if she wants!

Disfordarkchocolate · 30/08/2019 20:08

I'd be baffled if I we're you. She is being very unreasonable, leave her to it.

pictish · 30/08/2019 20:10

Yanbu. What’s up with her?

Sparklesocks · 30/08/2019 20:10

Hugely unreasonable of her - because

  1. makes total sense for you to meet up with your friend when you’re close by
  2. it’s your birthday you can do what you like
  3. you don’t need to spend every second with your sister on a week long trip
MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 30/08/2019 20:10

YANBU for wanting your friend to join you, but YABU for not telling your family your plans before the holiday was booked.

Yes it's your birthday but it's also their holiday and you have decided to change the dynamic (however small) without thought for anyone else.

jesuschristwtf · 30/08/2019 20:11

your sister is an idiot. Just saying.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/08/2019 20:13

Do they feel like you're more keen on the friend after they made the effort with the holiday?

Divebar · 30/08/2019 20:17

Your sister sounds like a right drama queen. Let her flounce

AwesomeTrucker · 30/08/2019 20:17

Your sister is being unreasonable, does she not like this friend? We have a similar situation next year for my mums big birthday and she asked if her friend from the city we are visiting could join us on one of the days. The only reason we were annoyed was because we were asking her anyway as a surprise 🙄

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 30/08/2019 20:18

She is batshit. It's one afternoon. You've got 7 other mornings and evenings and 6 other afternoons to spend just with the family. Batshit

Ilikethisone · 30/08/2019 20:18

To be fair, I get it's your birthday, but really when everyone is paying to go on holiday, it's really just courtesy to saying you are inviting someone else. Even if it's just for the day.

I cabt help wondering if you sis resents your birthday being si big they are all paying to go on holiday and feel like you are dictating the whole week.

I mean, I assume they are paying for themseleves?

Eeyoreshouse · 30/08/2019 20:22

Were your family, unbeknown to you, planning a secret surprise of some sort on the actual day of your birthday perhaps, which now can't go ahead for some reason (can't think of many mind you) because of your friend's presence?

Can your sister articulate why the whole holiday is ruined because your friend is there for one afternoon?

Is it the fact that your friend is arriving on your birthday itself (which is the focus of the holiday after all) that your sister objects to (can't quite work out why tbh though)?

Raera · 30/08/2019 20:24

Is it possible your family have already planned a surprise for you on the actual day? That would upset me if I'd organised something and found out the friend was coming.
Could your friend come on a different day?

Sorrysorrysosorry · 30/08/2019 20:34

Your sister obviously wanted it to just be a family celebration which is sweet, in a way.
But
she is annoyed it isn’t just a family event and you have invited a friend?
Disinvite her, enjoy your birthday with the rest of your family and friend.
It is your birthday, it is up to you how you want to celebrate, not your sister.

BlueJava · 30/08/2019 20:36

Unless there is a massive backstory then YANBU. Why shouldn't you invite your friend over for the afternoon? If your sister doesn't want to join in she can do something else for the afternoon with her family/on her own. Strange!

whitetoblerone · 30/08/2019 20:37

I don't get why your sister is upset? It's your birthday, do what you want! You haven't disregarded anyone else, just invited your friend along too.

YANBU

WhereYouLeftIt · 30/08/2019 20:38

"... but my sister is saying the holiday is ruined and she's not going to be joining us."
Her choice. Enjoy your birthday!

Ilikethisone · 30/08/2019 20:40

I think is the problem. It's not just ops birthdays. Its everyone's holiday, presuming op hasnt paid for everyone.

Most people would be annoyed at extra people being invited without even mentioning it first.

Ohflippineck · 30/08/2019 20:45

YANBU. Can’t choose your family, you can choose your friends. Spend time with whoever you want to on your birthday.

ddl1 · 30/08/2019 20:46

Unless there's something that you haven't told us (e.g. your friend is very hostile to your family members, or is known to make outrageous demands), YANBU and your sister is being unreasonably controlling. It's your birthday; and meeting a friend is in any case your right; you should not need to ask permission.

ddl1 · 30/08/2019 20:50

If OP had actually invited the friend to stay for all or part of the holiday, you would have a point. But one afternoon? Unless either the family or the OP had made very specific birthday plans which would now have to be radically changed (or as I said earlier, there is some major problem between the friend and OP's family), OP is not obliged to ask permission. One afternoon should not determine the family's willingness to go on the holiday!

MrsDimmond · 30/08/2019 20:51

Most people would be annoyed at extra people being invited without even mentioning it first. The OP is mentioing it - now! The holiday is next year FFS

If I was on a holiday for a week with other people I wouldn't imagine we'd be joined at the hip!

I certainly would not anticipate that choosing to spend a day with old friends who live near the holiday location would spoil anyone else's enjoyment. I would also think it was reasonable to choose an activity for my birthday .

OP, there's either some mystery backstory or your Dsis is being totally weird. YANBU

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