To have 'ruined the holiday'?

[serenitybyjan]

It's a milestone birthday next year for me so my family (mum, Dad, me, my partner, our 2 young children, my 2 sisters and their partners) have booked to go on a holiday in the UK for the whole week, including my actual birthday. On the day itself I've asked my closest and oldest friend and her husband to join us for the activity I'm wanting to do. She only lives 45 mins away and we live 4 hours apart normally. She's turning the same age as me the week before so we want to get together. One of my sisters has flown off the handle saying I'm being spoilt by wanting to spend my birthday how I want. My best friend isn't joining us for the whole holiday, just one afternoon but my sister is saying the holiday is ruined and she's not going to be joining us. It's already mostly paid for (split per couple and a bit more for us because of the children). AIBU?

This last post was intended to be in reply to the comment: 'YANBU for wanting your friend to join you, but YABU for not telling your family your plans before the holiday was booked.

Yes it's your birthday but it's also their holiday and you have decided to change the dynamic (however small) without thought for anyone else.'

The OPismentioing it - now! The holiday is next year FFS

Yes after she has already invited her.

All I am saying is it's a weeks holiday, they everyone (I presume) is spending their own money on. The purpose of the holiday, is to celebrate ops birthday. That day, op has decided to invite someone else.

Personally, I wouldnt invite someone before mentioning it.

But then neither would I want people spending money going on holiday for a week to celebrate my birthday.

Just trying to out a different side to it. No real need for the 'FFS' just because someone has a different opinion to you.

She's only going to be there for the weekend, ffs!

Does she not like your friend or is she just always like this-its one afternoon on your birthday id say you can invite who you like

Unless your friend previously had an affair with your sister’s husband or something, she is being ridiculous. Of course you should be able to spend your birthday with your friend!

What is her reasoning? She maybe had planned something specific for the big day and numbers are limited or something. I suppose it depends whether she's normally an unreasonable person.

Has she misunderstood and thinks it's longer than one afternoon?

Is there some birthday tradition she was looking forward to?

Otherwise it seems very odd.

Though I do have family members who would catastrophify and imaging all kinds of horrors and get very upset - so I'd have probably have spoken to them before asking a friend or changing plans.

Would only really make sense if

A - Your sister hates your friend
B - they had some surprise planned for that day
C - your sister is crazy

Personally, I wouldnt invite someone before mentioning it.
Just trying to out a different side to it. and that's fair enough Ilikethisone

But, if Dsis feels offended by the actions of OP, she can speak to the OP and explain what is causing her to be upset. There is plenty of time to discuss and come to an understanding of where different people are coming from, because the OP has told everyone now

What is not fair enough is the dsis throwing her toys out of the pram when she could have explained calmly what her problem is.

YANBU, although I'm also wondering whether maybe they had a surprise planned. Even so it's still pretty unreasonable to flip out at you like that when you weren't to know. Is she normally like this?

Do they not get on? Is the activity something she would not enjoy? More info needed!

It all sounds a bit OTT and silly, it’s only a birthday fgs. You all sound a bit immature 🤗

YANBU your sister sounds nuts... thered have to be one hell of a backstory, like this friend of yours had a ten year affair with her husband or something, for this to be a valid response from her.

@ddl1 - it was my comment you were responding to and if OP had arranged to spend an afternoon out with her friend her sister would be being a dick. But it sounds like as part of the holiday they are doing an activity as a family group, except it's now family group + friend. And I think that is a little unreasonable of the OP.

I feel like there may be more to this situation

I really dislike threads like this ...

There’s most likely a bigger background to this story.

It’s written very biased.

Assuming there is no previous issues between your friend and your family and you expect everyone to get along, YANBU. GIven you're essentially inviting your friend to your Birthday and not to the Holiday, I don't see the issue.

there may or may not be a bigger background. All a poster can do is write a thread from their own point of view.

But it sounds like as part of the holiday they are doing an activity as a family group, except it's now family group + friend. And I think that is a little unreasonable of the OP.

it is her birthday. She is spending a week with her family. She wants her friend who lives close to the holiday destination to join them for one afternoon? How can that be unreasonable? It isn't a family reunion she is crashing. As adults surely they can cope with a friend joining them? Are families really that insular?

Most people would be annoyed at extra people being invited without even mentioning it first.

It is for one afternoon of a full week’s holiday, ffs

Your sister is overreacting. Is she usually a control freak?

Actually, YABU. These sorts of get togethers are destined to have fall outs in my experience.

This sounds to me like a bridezilla type birthday and sister has had enough.

There may be a surprise planned that day, so I would have run it by the family first.