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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at the use of this word?

124 replies

The4ks · 30/08/2019 19:28

Was out shopping with dp today in the next town to ours.
Browsing charity shops as we like to do when in the middle of the shop a young woman and her friend are talking, well actually ranting very loudly for the whole shop to hear.
All about her neighbour and his son who's apparently in the 'mong' class.
Having a 4 year old autistic son ourselves we just shook our heads in disbelief and walked away before hearing anymore.
Dp agreed how upsetting it was to hear a poor child being described like that.
AIBU to be amazed and a bit scared that people still use words like this and the openness in which she did?

OP posts:
Samcro · 30/08/2019 23:42

justbeingadad as I said I think you are on a wind up.
it is a offensive word. if you can't see that .......

BogglesGoggles · 30/08/2019 23:42

@DoomsdayCult I didn’t know that. Did they include all peoples from that part of Asia or just Chinese (and mongols presumably)? Never would have guessed either. It’s interesting (any strange sometimes) where words originate.

nonicknameseemsavailable · 30/08/2019 23:48

just to add to the "every day is a school day" Mongolian people have different DNA to Chinese, the races don't overlap I believe.

I actually haven't even heard some of the words being used on here.

Samcro · 30/08/2019 23:48

Sadly I have .

justbeingadad · 30/08/2019 23:55

@Samcro

What I'm suggesting is that even if the word is socially seen as offensive, the person using it shouldn't be labeled offensive unless they actually know the word is offensive. Ignorance is bliss as they say.

Mong was a common word in my child (and adult) life as far as I remember. Certainly in school, and it never meant anything beyond you being silly / stupid (short term, ie you did something stupid), etc. I've never ever heard it used to describe any sort of disability or the genuine intellectual ability of a person.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 30/08/2019 23:56

When I was a kid in the 60s, people commonly used Mongol rather than Downs when referring to the condition. It’s not a Victorian thing.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 31/08/2019 00:00

And I think Gervaise is getting a lot of stick on here; he’s a comedian and he likes to shock. But frequently his shows feature disabled characters and the story exposes disablist people as the dickheads.

He did it in The Office, Extras and Derek.

BizzzzyBee · 31/08/2019 00:21

I’ve only ever heard the word “mong” applied to Downs Syndrome. As a pp said, fifty years ago the word Mongol was commonly used to mean a person with Downs and wasn’t considered offensive. Some older people still use it because they’re not aware that the accepted term has changed. A younger person would definitely understand the negative implication though.

I’m surprised by OP’s mention of a “mong class”. I thought children of different abilities were integrated at school nowadays, and just received individual support according to their needs?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 31/08/2019 00:26

Mind you I’ve been on a thread on here before about the use of “Mong” and the consensus on that occasion was that it was one of those words that has essentially changed in meaning, and is no longer offensive (I was disagreeing with that opinion).

velocitykate · 31/08/2019 00:41

The true meaning of the word Cretin is someone born with congenital hypothyroidism who isn't treated (or couldn't be treated in years gone by) so grows up with learning difficulties.

It doesn't happen anymore because congenital hypothyroidism is picked up on the heel prick test and so babies are treated promptly. As such, there is absolutely no situation in which that word should be used in the present day

velocitykate · 31/08/2019 00:48

A "Moron" is someone with mild learning difficulties (IQ less than 75) and an "Idiot" is someone with severe learning difficulties (IQ less than 25).

Thankfully, these days, they would be classified as having mild or severe learning difficulties (NOT mental retardation)

RosesAndRaindrops · 31/08/2019 01:15

@littlepaddypaws
someone i know split up with her dh, there was a ow, she told me 'the kids [aged 9 and 13] call him the retard and she's a slapper' i pulled her upon it, oh, she replied airly 'i call them that so the kids took it on board' wtf
My lip just literally curled at reading that, out of revulsion though, nasty! Why would you use those words in front of your small kids?
Just no.
With you on that one

RosesAndRaindrops · 31/08/2019 01:22

YANBU. I was really taken aback when I heard a woman in her late twenties use ‘flid’ a few weeks ago. I thought that one had well and truly died out
See, it's only from using MN over the years I know that's unacceptable. (Relates to thalidomide victims? Those whose mums took sickness pills in pregnancy in the 60s not knowing the affects that could become? Ie missing limbs in babies? )
Growing up, if you were to say you were having a flid meant you were losing your temper. Going off on one.
Didn't know the meaning behind. Maybe some still don't.

AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 31/08/2019 01:39

A younger person would definitely understand the negative implication though

Nope. I'm 30, went to a primary school with a girl who had Downs syndrome, and I had absolutely no idea where the word came from. I thought it was a harmless synonym for stupid, until I used it casually in front of a friend who DID know what it meant. She was horrified, she explained, I was horrified and never used it again.

It was my turn a few years later to explain to someone the same age as me what the word was all about. She had no idea either.

It seems the use of 'mong' for people with Downs syndrome became taboo before we were born, so we've grown up not knowing how offensive it is. Unlike, say, retard - we've all seen that word used to refer to someone with special needs. Or maybe me and a few others just lived in a bubble.

whiteroseredrose · 31/08/2019 06:44

When I was growing up in the 70s Mongol had just been replaced by Downs but there were still the Spastic society money collectors in the shape of a child with a leg caliper. So Spastic was used as a medical term (still is I think). Mong and Spaz were always offensive.

Stupid/idiot/fool/thick/plonker...still use those but it seems some may be a no no now.

Samcro · 31/08/2019 09:29

sadly there are always people who will make excuse for disablism and disablist words. I often think they do it just to wind people up.
there is no excuse for it.

AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 31/08/2019 11:16

Sadly there are always people who can only see in black and white and are determined to think the worse of others.

JanMeyer · 31/08/2019 11:29

Sadly there are always people who can only see in black and white and are determined to think the worse of others.

Please do enlighten us, how do we "think the best" of a person who calls a special needs class the "mong class?" Even if the person is using the word as slang to mean stupid or slow (and is unware of the history of the word) they're still being offensive. Unless of course you think it's fine to call children with special needs stupid?
Some things are that black and white and such overtly disabilist terms are one of them, would you be defending a person for using the n-word in relation to a black person? Or is it just disabilist language you're happy to excuse?

AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 31/08/2019 11:43

Samcro wasn't referring to the woman in the OP but MN posters, including me.

Samcro · 31/08/2019 12:04

i will think the worse of people who use vile disablist terms to mock disabled people. I make no apologies for that.

AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 31/08/2019 12:06

That's a reasonable statement I'm sure we can all agree on!

justbeingadad · 31/08/2019 12:22

Does the OP know this person was talking about a special needs class? It could be that they were talking about the lowest ability set in school. Either way, as others have said the word shouldn't be used.

tillytoodles1 · 31/08/2019 13:57

I was in a queue and the two young woman infront wew chatting. One said to the other " have you ever seen a black mong". It was about five years ago and I still remember how shocked I was.

tillytoodles1 · 31/08/2019 13:58

Meant to say in front were chatting,

Lovingthesunshine88 · 31/08/2019 14:56

It seems to of come back I've not heard it since i was young but my DSS came out with it the other week. Said everyone says it. He got a talking to and i explained how upsetting it is to people and what it actually means. He said he wouldn't say it again