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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at the use of this word?

124 replies

The4ks · 30/08/2019 19:28

Was out shopping with dp today in the next town to ours.
Browsing charity shops as we like to do when in the middle of the shop a young woman and her friend are talking, well actually ranting very loudly for the whole shop to hear.
All about her neighbour and his son who's apparently in the 'mong' class.
Having a 4 year old autistic son ourselves we just shook our heads in disbelief and walked away before hearing anymore.
Dp agreed how upsetting it was to hear a poor child being described like that.
AIBU to be amazed and a bit scared that people still use words like this and the openness in which she did?

OP posts:
youarenotkiddingme · 30/08/2019 21:46

Totally agree they are vile.

But this Not only is this vile but who on earth are the 7% of Mumsnetters who think you are being unreasonable?!

Where are you getting the percentage from Confused

youarenotkiddingme · 30/08/2019 21:47

My son has spasticity. He has a gene variant related related to hereditary spastic paraparasis. My dad hates the term because he was a secondary school teacher 70-90's and remembers all the vile insults used around the term "spastic".

BlueBilledBeatboxingBird · 30/08/2019 22:03

@youarenotkiddingme if you use the buttons after the OP to vote then you are given the percentage split of the votes so far.

chipsandgin · 30/08/2019 22:07

@youarenotkiddingme if you vote you can see the percentage & number of people who voted either way.

I’m really hoping that the 13 people who think the OP is being unreasonable misread or misunderstood the AIBU, either that or they are cowards as well as dicks as they haven’t posted on the thread to justify their opinion!

chipsandgin · 30/08/2019 22:08

Oops, clearly took too long to write that!

CAK111512 · 30/08/2019 22:17

It’s scary how some people are so ignorant.

I’ve had sort of similar recently with a friend!!

Basically, she was moaning about an asd child being placed in her child’s class worried that he will keep her child from learning (I have a child with asd myself so I was shocked with her stupid comment). I told her that it wasn’t just about her child and a child with autism or any other condition is just as entitled to an education as her children.

mamaraah · 30/08/2019 22:19

I have a 9 year old autistic dd and yeah I would be very upset and angry at a comment like that.

RosesAndRaindrops · 30/08/2019 22:21

YANBU, I'd have recoiled as well. Horrible word to use in this day and age.
I do occasionally hear people say to mong out, they mean it like to chill but I think that's a fucking horrible phrase as well!
In other words, maybe she didn't realise it was offensive? NOT excusing it, just some people can be ignorant/clueless!

“Mong” is short for “Mongloid” which is what the Victorians called people with Downs Syndrome. They thought their features mimicked that of the Mongloid Race (their name for Chinese
I did not know that if so, every day's a school day. Knew it referred to Downs Syndrome but not the history behind it.

Samcro · 30/08/2019 22:43

SimplySteveRedux (love your name) yep he is on my list. yep I have a list of all the vile "celebs" who have had made money mocking people my my child.(I won't share what I wish for them)

justbeingadad · 30/08/2019 23:06

It really depends - if the person using the word thinks "mong" simply means stupid / unintelligent etc then that is not them being offensive - you may choose to be offended - but you can choose to be offended at any word of phrase and that doesn't make you wrong.

Being unaware of the true origins of a word which you believe is simply slang for an "acceptable" term is not being offensive.

There was a thread recently about someone being offended at the use of the word "Blimey". The intent of the use is very important in the context of offensive or otherwise.

Fuckwheresitgone · 30/08/2019 23:10

Mong” is short for “Mongloid” which is what the Victorians called people with Downs Syndrome. They thought their features mimicked that of the Mongloid Race (their name for Chinese
Not quite true, it comes from the Mongol tribe, founded by Genghis Khan. The Mongols were made up of a number of different tribes who roamed vast areas of North East Asia. However the word 'Mongol' was referred to people with Down's syndrome due to their facial appearance.

RosesAndRaindrops · 30/08/2019 23:21

There was a thread recently about someone being offended at the use of the word "Blimey"

What? Why?! WTF
I use blimey all the time, I think I even used it on a thread today Confused
What's the reasoning behind that one?! Never even heard of that being a problem before now lol

Samcro · 30/08/2019 23:23

justbeingadad some words are offensive. this is one of them. there is no excuse. it is not about people choosing to be offended it is offensive.
I really do wonder about any one who tries to excuse disablist language.

SimplySteveRedux · 30/08/2019 23:23

"Spaz" reminds me of an incident a few years ago. I'd started a new medication at high dose - rare side effect of involuntary muscle spasms. I knocked a pint of coke and a pint of booze on the floor in a restaurant. Manager "did that spaz just do that on purpose". Shameful that hate crime and persecution of the vulnerable is again on the rise and rise.

Samcro · 30/08/2019 23:24

i always thought blimey meant blind me......or was that a randon thing I was told as a child?

SimplySteveRedux · 30/08/2019 23:26

Being unaware of the true origins of a word which you believe is simply slang for an "acceptable" term is not being offensive.

Oh come on, in the ever connected world of today this is disingenuous at best. It wouldn't surprise me if people spent hours searching for insulting words to use, as high up on the shock value as possible.

SimplySteveRedux · 30/08/2019 23:27

Oh, and Gervais referred to M.E/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome sufferers as malingerers on the skivvy. Utter twat.

Samcro · 30/08/2019 23:28

justbeingadad I think you are on a wind up.

RoryGlory · 30/08/2019 23:31

It wouldn’t have bothered me to be honest. I think in this world as long as you try and be the best version of you and bring up your child to be accepting and caring people then that’s enough.

There will always be people that use hurtful words, are racist, sexist, homophobic etc and that’s never going to change,

justbeingadad · 30/08/2019 23:31

@SimplySteveRedux

I think the key point here is that this person was not using it to insult someone else directly. They were using it in a conversation with their friend about a 3rd party. I totally agree if you knew the origin of this word, to call someone (even in a 3rd party context) is very wrong and offensive, and I think the OP is perfectly within their rights to find the use offensive, however to be offended by something which someone said to their friend which you overheard does not equal that person being offensive.

I suppose the core question is, why be offended by something you technically shouldn't have even been listening to? Doesn't make it right, but not sure you should be offended by it either?

justbeingadad · 30/08/2019 23:32

@Samcro

Not at all? The OP is perfectly reasonable to be offended, but that doesn't make the person using the word offensive.

BogglesGoggles · 30/08/2019 23:33

I have never heard this word before. But I must admit that I do occasionally use the words idiot or moron which (from what I gather from this thread) have the same underlying meaning so I wouldn’t presume to judge anyone for use of that word. But it’s not nice to be derogatory about an SN class (surprised they still have these tbh) no matter what word you use.

BogglesGoggles · 30/08/2019 23:35

@simplysteveredux this word must be really obscure. I read widely, watch a shitload of tv, have lived in various places in two different countries and have never come across this before today.

Fuckwheresitgone · 30/08/2019 23:39

Spaz’ comes from the word ‘spastic’ which comes from ‘spasm’, or movement which is out of your control. Not quite, spasticity is caused by brain and or spinal damage and results in the muscles becoming tight' or 'stiff'. My dd had a stroke in utero which has left her with a disordered gait caused by spasticity in her leg muscles. 'Spaz' and 'Mong' are completely unacceptable words. However I do refer to dd as having a spastic limb, because medically speaking she has, and it's nothing to be ashamed about.

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