I'll try and keep this as clear and brief as possible!
XP and I split just after Christmas last year - we'd been together 11 years and the split was 100% his choice. We have an 8 yr old DD together who has autism and I have a 15 yr old DS from a previous relationship.
We lived in a house owned outright by me (bought with an inheritance I had in the early days of our relationship, he isn't on the deeds). When together, we were both self employed with me earning about 75% of our income, and we claimed working and child tax credits.
XP has fairly serious depression and some alcohol abuse issues. He also cannot drive. Since the split he has been living in a caravan in my garden (this is not ideal but it's the best possible solution ATM) and working part time. The rest of the time he mostly does what he wants, visits friends, faffs around making woodcarvings etc etc.
I now claim benefits in my own name as a single person (this has been agreed by the local jobcentre as XP has his own kitchen etc in his caravan, they were told exactly what the situation is and they agreed I am not part of a couple). I also claim DLA for my child who has autism and attends a special school. I do about 85% of all childcare, plus I still work at my own business about 25 hours a week. I pay all the bills, I run the car and do all the driving for the DC, I buy all their food/clothes/shoes, pay for everything myself.
XP does not pay maintenance as his income is so low it seems ridiculous to even ask for any! He literally lives hand to mouth. He will do the odd bit of childcare but in the same way a moody teenager does iyswim. He isn't reliable. He does take our DD out for cinema trips etc but only if I pay for it. He will also stay in the house overnight with her if I go away, but I dislike doing this as I find it hard having him in my space. If he does overnight care then I leave food and money so they can go out if they want to.
XP is very resentful of the fact that I'm now better off than he is (which I am, and I can afford little treats that he can't like the odd nice bottle of wine or afternoon at a spa etc). He thinks it's unfair that I get all the benefits for the DC because in his opinion his life is also impacted by having DC and he wants to claim carers allowance for our DD. I've refused to sign the paperwork as he doesn't provide 35 hours care for her every week which he is furious about. He thinks I'm being incredibly unfair and that I basically live in luxury while he is in a caravan outside. But he doesn't work the hours I do, and I get the benefits for the DC because I am without a shadow of doubt the primary carer.
Aibu to refuse to let him claim carers allowance and not to subsidise him?